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It's a no fault state and they don't ask or care What state are you in? In many no fault states they DO take adultery into account. Most attorneys are lazy, though, and don't want to bother.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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It's a no fault state and they don't ask or care I'll take that as a NO. Even in a no fault state, the adultery can be cited. WSs don't want their adultery exposed in D papers. You had another opportunity to put a mirror in front of WW...and did not. So far I get the vibe that you have signed up for Plan Hope. Are you still paying for everything while your WW carries on her affair and lives in your house? She has little incentive to change her behavior when there are no consequences.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Have you exposed the A?
If D has been filed, have you responded and cited her A in your Answer? She filed but we went to court only to put in writing our bills and living arrangement until she moves into her apartment.
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It's a no fault state and they don't ask or care I'll take that as a NO. Even in a no fault state, the adultery can be cited. WSs don't want their adultery exposed in D papers. You had another opportunity to put a mirror in front of WW...and did not. So far I get the vibe that you have signed up for Plan Hope. Are you still paying for everything while your WW carries on her affair and lives in your house? She has little incentive to change her behavior when there are no consequences. She makes as much as I do and she is paying for half of everything. I moved out because I can't stand to be in the same house right now. I can't sleep there.
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It's a no fault state and they don't ask or care What state are you in? In many no fault states they DO take adultery into account. Most attorneys are lazy, though, and don't want to bother. Indiana and they don't ask any questions about anything.
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Does that piece of crap, OM have a facebook page? I can't find him on facebook
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If it were me I would be getting my [censored] in my car right now and driving to this POS's house and get in his FACE! It's not like you don't know where this POS lives. That type of reaction would only bond them deeper. They us against the world feeling. They have that now because my wifes parents sisters, brother, etc... all no and don't accept him but they continue anyway.
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This is a tricky one! Most people, including my counselor say I shouldn't involve the kids in this mess. I've told them that mom is seeing someone else and it's not my fault and I'm working on getting us better, but bringing up sex to a 12 year old girl is not something I'm comfortable with. I'm to the point now tht I only answer what they ask me about this.
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tdf,
Have you told your kids that their mother won't be coming back to the house. Move all your stuff home, when she is gone, change the locks. If she files, and you go through with it, fight for custody and child support. As I recall, this POSOM lives near your in laws in another town.
You are probably headed to a Plan B.
Me (BH): 42
Her (WS): 39
Married 19 yrs
DD: 16, DD: 11, DD: 7
D-Day: 7-5-2011, Caught searching 10-15-2012
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If it were me I would be getting my [censored] in my car right now and driving to this POS's house and get in his FACE! It's not like you don't know where this POS lives. That type of reaction would only bond them deeper. They us against the world feeling. They have that now because my wifes parents sisters, brother, etc... all no and don't accept him but they continue anyway. How do you know it won't work if you don't at least try? Your thread is titled, "Do I Still Have a Chance". Yeah, you still do, but only if you pull out all the stops. Go see this [censored] face to face. Seriously, what DO you have to lose at this point? Nothing. Oh, and BTW, THEY don't have that us against the world mentality...she does. HE has had to face no heat whatsoever on his end. Apply some serious heat and see what happens. Hey, if you have to go down, at least go down fighting. Make an effort. Pay this POS a visit. GET....IN....THIS....PIG'S....FACE! Hey, you may even impress your WW by accident just by showing that you are willing to fight for her. Think about it.
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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I've exposed her affair! Her famy knows and are furious and devastated she feels guilt and ashamed but they continue see each other and talk and text. They wouldn't let him come to their Thanksgiving but she saw him later that evening! Whom did you expose to on OM's side? You need to get to his parents. Have you asked her family to put pressure on her to stop the affair? Have they told her to her face how disappointed they are? You need to get this OM away from her. Can you go to her folks with her? I don't know him or his family I've only met him in passing through the years and he didn't live in that house until this summer. I don't know his family and I've never met them. They might not even care and probably like my wife and would love to see him with her. His daughet wants them to be a big happy family!
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Your counselor isn't trying to save your marriage. He or she is trying to make you feel better about the mess around you.
I have an 11 year old daughter, 6th grade. They know about sex.
Me (BH): 42
Her (WS): 39
Married 19 yrs
DD: 16, DD: 11, DD: 7
D-Day: 7-5-2011, Caught searching 10-15-2012
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Couldn't find him on there:( You have his phone number correct? Yes I can find it
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Trying to be her friend and leaving your house are bad moves. WW will run you over and you are making it easy for her to do that. Be her husband and get back into your house.
What are your children confused about? I understand they may not want to talk about it, but do they know specifically that she is having an affair with this guy? That she is having sex with him? Has this been made clear by you or not? No I don't talk sex with the kids they actually don't want to talk about it and want me to move on with my life. Their mom tells them she will never get back with me and has feelings for the OM.
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She is reading His Needs Her Needs right now and it describes us to a tee. Should I let her finish before I go after her to end it? She'll be done in about a week Do you really want to wait until this gets more entrenched and more physical? I'm sure when her parents are gone for two weeks she plans all sort of "plans" with him. Why are you sitting back and not fighting for your bride? Her parents are leaving for the winter not 2 weeks. In 2 weeks they will be gone for the winter. They made it clear they weren't happy about the affair but she tells them they're just friends and just talking:) Carrot and Stick of Plan A
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And they believe her bc you haven't been fully honest with them.
Viper has it right.... Go see him. Tell him you are not going down without a fight. Expose to his family, his work, his friends... Everyone. Hold nothing back, it can't cost you any more than doing nothing.
Me (BH): 42
Her (WS): 39
Married 19 yrs
DD: 16, DD: 11, DD: 7
D-Day: 7-5-2011, Caught searching 10-15-2012
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How do you know what his daughter wants?
If you have his number, CALL IT!!!
You haven't let your 12 yr old go with your WW to POSOM's house have you?
Me (BH): 42
Her (WS): 39
Married 19 yrs
DD: 16, DD: 11, DD: 7
D-Day: 7-5-2011, Caught searching 10-15-2012
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OK, The problem with me going to everyone and telling them about the affiar is that my wife is telling everybody that she hasn't loved me for 2 years because I didn't make her feel cared for and he is the one she loves now and he makes her feel cared for and truley loved! She tells them she filed for divorce and I just don't get it and keep hanging on! She spins it all to make me the bad man in all of their eyes. Since I've read His Needs Her Needs I know that I missed the boat emotionally with her but I can better myself and she admits that she didn't do a good job of letting me know what she needed but them she says its too late now!
When I try to talk to the kids in front of her she goes nuts and makes me look like a crazy man to the kids and she is good at it! She can spin with the best of them and since she was never a liar in our marriage, people tend to believe here.
She keeps telling me it's not his fault its my fault and she would never breakup and family over a guy! That is complete [censored]! That is exactly what she is doing but she believes she was already over me so its all OK.
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How do you know what his daughter wants?
If you have his number, CALL IT!!!
You haven't let your 12 yr old go with your WW to POSOM's house have you? Yeah, she took her last week and she spent two nights there! My wfie stayed at her parents house and he stayed with my daughter and his daughter. They because friends over the summer. they are the same age. I can't control that because it's an hour and a half away and she doesn't want me there!
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tdf, do you really want help or not? If so, forget everything you have been told to date from your counselor and start listening to everything you are being told here...and actually start doing something.
If you're not really serious about doing everything you can to, then just let us all know upfront.
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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