LW, why not try calling the company to confirm the email addy. When I exposed I called the company before sending the email to see if the BH was in the office. I even spoke to the BH but didn't get into the exposure on the phone. I did tell him I was sending him an email and wanted to make sure he was in the office to receive it.

Depending on the company, the operator may verify the email. Say something like "I am sending an email to Jane Smith. Can you please verify her email as jsmith@ABC.com? Is Ms. Smith in today?" If they won't verify the email, then you may want to speak to her. If they verify the email, you can decide whether or not you want to speak to her. The BH in my case worked in a very small office so it was easy for the operator to tell me he was in the office.

Also I would keep the emails from OM. You don't have to read them but if the BW contacts you, I'd keep them so you can forward them to her. It will show her that he is in contact and depending on the content...trying to save his butt.

Liz, who in your life knows about this? Parents, siblings, friends?

I would recommend you bite the bullet and tell them also. You will really need help with this.

LW,

Are you done with this site?

Now that you exposed the affair to the man's wife, are you back in contact with him?


AM

It's possible that Liz is hopelessly immersed in the ****storm she unleashed by exposing her affair to BW. If so, she's probably second-guessing the advice she received (even though her conscience led her in the first place) and regretting ever opening this thread.

Hopefully, Liz, BW and WH will ALL come back here to get support and guidance in cleaning up the mess.

Yes. Cheaters lie and cheat.

My soon-to-be-ex-wife and I spent our anniversary together a few weeks ago. As far as I can tell, she told her affair partner that we didn't have an enjoyable time together, or spend very much time together. (We spent the entire day together until she had to go to work.)

As far as I can tell, she has also led him to believe we had no physical (much less sexual) relationship over the past two months, which is also not true.

Now that I think about it, she lies/has lied to him much more than she ever lied to me.

I think you should tell his wife and tell his family and friends. You should, however, tell them you want to END this affair for good and you want to have nothing to do with any of them anymore, and tell them how sorry you are.

There are 3.5 billion men in the world and chances are one of them is right for you, and isn't married to someone else with kids.

I think LW got what she wanted out of MB. She informed OMW about the affair and resumed contact with her affair partner - hoping that OMW would leave him and LW could have him. I doubt we will see her again.


AM

I'm just now reading this thread. I suspect Liz has "moved on" as the saying goes.
But, I think there is something of value in the above quote.

Just look at the quick way Lis dismisses her marriage.

"It was an unhappy marriage." That's it. No explanation. No responsibility for her part in creating an unhappy marriage. No insight what-so-ever. No mention of how the divorce 2 short years ago impacted her THREE children. In fact, the remainder of Liz's post is all about her relationship with a married man.

It's as if the 3 children and her Ex-husband are phantoms in her consciousness. Nothing beyond background players. Liz is *the star* of her show, and everyone else is an "extra".

Liz is very aware of how her choices hurt her. She is deliberate in avoiding any other person's feelings. Especially the feelings of the betrayed wife are missing from Liz's consciousness.

Let's look at how an OW views the BW. This is not an extraordinary example. It is typical.


Liz feigns concern for the wife not knowing only because it is causing an inconvenience to the continuation of the affair. Things are not going the way Liz had hoped.


Above is the real reason Liz thinks she may want to inform the wife about the affair. Not because the wife has the right to know, but it would allow Liz easier contact with OM without the wife being such an obstacle.

Other persons, during the selfishness of adultery, are not important. Including Liz's own children. OM's children. OM's wife.

The only thing that matters is that Liz feels entitled to spend more time with a married man than she is being allowed.

The complete lack of insight into herself is so clear when we get an OW participating on these forums.

This is WHY, dear MBers, that one cannot expect to TALK SENSE into a foggy wayward. They are impervious to logic and decency .... at least for awhile.

I have witnessed OW who do recover themselves after being so OM-focused. Not always, but it is possible.

Then, Liz writes:


Liz has never considered the possibility that OM is also lying to her. This too is typical.
Liz has never considered that OM is scared to end the affair for fear Liz will get angry at the rejection, and blow up his family.
Liz has never (at least not yet) come to the realization that the TRUTH is this, Liz is a side-dish for OM. He has no intention of divorcing his wife.

Liz is lost.
She has failed as a wife.
Failing as a mother. And worst of all, failing to be a decent human being.

Liz is pitiful. Liz is a cautionary tale. Poor Liz.

Pep,

I asked Liz about her first marriage. She said it broke up because of religious and cultural differences. Her husband is already remarried.

I do think she was hoping her AP's wife would dump him. My take is that Liz really didn't intend to end the affair and go no contact with this man.

AM

Pep, this a useful insight into an AP's mind and confirmation that a wayward mind is immune to decency, a conscience and logic ... a mind that can't be reasoned with.

Thanks for the post

This is another example of a scorned OW who is mad at MM because she finally realized that MM is lying to her as well as his W. She was mad because MM spent his anniversary with his W (self entitlement) and came to this site for ammunition to get him in trouble with his W. MM has called her back and told her she is his soul mate, the best love of his life, blah, blah, blah and now the A is back on again and she is continuing to delude herself that this man is leaving his W. I will bet the farm that she didn't even send an email to his W's work and if she did it was just an attempt to put a nail in MM's coffin (marriage). It was selfish of her to come to a M rebuilding website and pretend to want help only to continue in her selfishness to attempt to break up a M. The very fact that she said she allowed the A to happen because MM told her he wasn't happy shows her lack of M vows and self respect for herself, her children and M. Yet another attempt to steal another woman's H. What a shame.

She is pulling out the big guns now ... EXPOSURE ... she is willing to destroy it all for her ill gotten gains.

The sad reality is in the end ... he will never have her because she will be fully and completely responsible for assulting his son (only child) with their adultery.

She actually screwed herself ... her cruelty and shear lack of empathy has reared its ugly head. Mr. OM can now see this ... she isn't too his standards anymore ... now she is simply yesterday's garbage. At least he still has a marriage to save ... Ms. Liz nuke bombed her marriage years ago.

... immune to decence, conscience, and logic...

Dr. Harley has compared affairs to addictions.

Addiction has a little thing called "The Four C's of Addiction."


They are as follows (with quotes edited to reflect adultery):

1) Loss of Control over use

�Every time I try to limit my contact to only once a week, I end up calling every day.�

�I try to limit myself to one call per day but once I start, I can�t seem to stop until we end up in bed together.�

2) Continued use despite knowledge of harmful Consequences

�I know my affair destroyed my marriage and family, but I can�t stop seeing her.�

�I have to stop my affair because my life is out of control, but my affair partner is the only option for me.�

3) Compulsion to use

�All I do is think about how I am going to score.�

�No matter what I do, I can�t get my affair partner out of my mind and I feel I have to see him and see him a lot. Once I want to see him, it is like I am on autopilot and I just have to call. I�ll do anything to be with him.�

4) Craving

�It�s like a physical drive or urge to be with her. I want it from the pit of my stomach; I get sweaty just thinking about it. At times, these urges come out of nowhere, or I get them when I meet my using buddies (left in because it FITS), pass the corner where my affair partner works or am feeling down.�


For the most part, those quotes edited for adultery have appeared from waywards on this board, or as quoted from their betrayed spouse.


To be coarse, we are all love addicts... we are all wired for affairs. In that is the brilliance of where this program draws that line between addictions, marriage, and adultery.


I grew up around 12-steppers. One thing that is common with recovering addicts is a phenomenon known as transferrence; addiction itself doesn't go away, the energy and obsession involved simply becomes focused on something else. Coffee. Cigarrettes. The Big Book. The Program.

Growing up around The Program, there was a lot of bustle; dances, river floats, campouts, daytrips. Meetings, of course.

People who wished to be free of their substance threw themselves into these things.

What if... what if they focused that kind of attention on their marriages? What if they gave their spouse that kind of time and attention?

Well, those questions are answered right here, aren't they?


If we are all addicted to having our emotional needs met, why not do it in the healthiest way possible?

Thought I bump this for the newly betrayed. Affairs are like addictions.