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 I like your H very much. You know how to spot a good man. Now, you are learning how to be a FANTASTIC wife. Have you ordered the MB books yet?
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Joined: Oct 2000
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I am looking into how to work on my narcissistic personality disorder. Ummmmmmmmmmm Were you officially diagnosed by a psychiatrist? This is a real question. Yes or no.
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FM, you have been given a pearl of great price by someone who you hurt very much. When bride and I renewed our vows, she asked the priest to stop for a second and handed me a small slip of paper that said, "For the rest of time, I will devote myself to convincing you the smartest thing you ever did was forgive my stupidity."
Those might be worthwhile words to remember, kiddo.
BTW: I still have the paper.
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FM, I am so very happy for you! Please, however do not forget the pain that you inflicted on both your H and yourself. Keep an open mind and keep an open relationship with your H. Is sounds like you guys were living separate lives and now it is time to start enjoying your life together. Remember as well that the emotional roller coaster ride is still going on. Your H will have good days but he will also have some really bad days. Those are moments when you will need to really put your MB skills to the test and really relish the new you and your new marriage. I still highly encourage you and your H to read the books together. There is so much to learn and improve on in your marriage by reading them. Fifteen...going on Sixteen 
Me (WS) Husband (BS)
DS - 15
DD -10
My D-day - 11/12/11
Today Me (BS) H (WS)
D-Day #2 01/14/12
I don't want to just survive my affair, I want to recover from it!
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I am looking into how to work on my narcissistic personality disorder. Ummmmmmmmmmm Were you officially diagnosed by a psychiatrist? This is a real question. Yes or no. FM... Yes, a real question...
Me: BW, 57 fWH: 63 (Taffy1) Serial cheater
Presently on the Recovery Road, in the Online program.
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Awesome he's a good guy to give you another chance. Correct me if I'm wrong but if there isn't any children involved the BH typically cuts his losses. Consider your self blessed that you received another chance. Congratulations and good work following the principles outlined in MB
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I am looking into how to work on my narcissistic personality disorder. Ummmmmmmmmmm Were you officially diagnosed by a psychiatrist? This is a real question. Yes or no. FM... Yes, a real question... I think the answer is "no". Never diagnosed. True NPD is pretty striking. I do not get a *whiff* of a disorder on her. I'm pretty good with my nostrils. 30 years in the trenches. Yanno?
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FM, I am so very happy for you! Please, however do not forget the pain that you inflicted on both your H and yourself. Keep an open mind and keep an open relationship with your H. Is sounds like you guys were living separate lives and now it is time to start enjoying your life together. Remember as well that the emotional roller coaster ride is still going on. Your H will have good days but he will also have some really bad days. Those are moments when you will need to really put your MB skills to the test and really relish the new you and your new marriage. I still highly encourage you and your H to read the books together. There is so much to learn and improve on in your marriage by reading them. Fifteen...going on Sixteen ^^^i concur. FM, i am so happy for you! i know you're over the moon right now, but you guys still need to work the programme. why? because a M that tries to recover without it typically ends up back in the crippled, pre-affair M state. your BH will struggle daily with his feelings - having you home will be frightening for him. please make sure you keep posting here so we can help you build a great M! FM, i am truly happy that your BH is willing to try again. i know how much this means to you (and to him). and it sounds like your O&H is really paying off! just think, you can have the fruits of that labour every day for the rest of your life if you follow MB. hope to see you back here. and maybe you could invite BH to post here too. we have several married couples active on the boards.
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I am looking into how to work on my narcissistic personality disorder. Ummmmmmmmmmm Were you officially diagnosed by a psychiatrist? This is a real question. Yes or no. FM... Yes, a real question... I think the answer is "no". Never diagnosed. True NPD is pretty striking. I do not get a *whiff* of a disorder on her. I'm pretty good with my nostrils. 30 years in the trenches. Yanno? i wouldn't think so either. i think she's just a typical young woman who has been raised in our its-all-about-me society. i think i was pretty darn selfish in the first years of my M too, before i realised what marriage was all about.
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Pepperband,
I ordered the books Sunday.
I have not been officially diagnosed, we have a friend who is a behavioral therapist and it was his opinion based on our relationship and H's explanations of our situation.
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Every person involved in an extramarital affair acts like a selfish self centered jerk. It's temporary.
You are not pathologic. You are far too amiable.
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fluffy, what's your status today? anything to update?
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How's it going FM?! Don't stop posting. He should post as well
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Definitely don't stop posting! There is so much help to be found here during the recovery process. If you can get your BH to post here too what would be wonderful. Recovery is not easy. You are both going to have days that are absolutely awful, where you wonder if you should just throw in the towel...followed by days where you are so gloriously in love that you feel like there's nothing standing in your way...wash, rinse, repeat...repeat...repeat. I'm not around much anymore, but I will stop back to check on you, 'kay?
Your BH has given you a gift. Remember always to be grateful. We don't deserve it, some of us never get it...but if we do, forgiveness is so sweet.
FWW
"Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough." ~ Earl Wilson
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Serious advice FM;
Ask your Behavioral Therapist friend if your behavior recently is similar to a drug addict and/or an addict beginning recovery.
Don't be surprised when they say "yes."
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Thank you everyone for your support and well wishes. We are definitely going to do the program (one of his conditions for me moving back) we spent about 4 hours talking last night and again tonight. I know it is going to be a long and sometimes rocky road but I am determined to put in the work.
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FM, if you had been diagnosed (by a licensed PSYCHIATRIST) as having narcissistic personality disorder, I would advise you to seek MEDICAL treatment. You are not narcissistic personality disorder, therefore the advice is completely different! This is why it is important to make the distinction. MB program is the ticket. MB has behavioral concepts which will allow both of you to fall back in love with each other. Selfish behaviors and selfless behaviors (both potentially destructive to the love bank) are taken into consideration in the MB behavioral program.
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Thank you everyone for your support and well wishes. We are definitely going to do the program (one of his conditions for me moving back) we spent about 4 hours talking last night and again tonight. I know it is going to be a long and sometimes rocky road but I am determined to put in the work. atta girl, fluff. remember, MB makes a happy, fulfilling marriage for BOTH of you. i wish you both the best. hope to see you posting throughout, though. recovery IS hard work, and there ARE stumbling blocks that you will need to work through. having the support here is vital, so you don't make a mess at home, YKWIM? i feel so stupid. only yesterday did i figure out that you name relates to your chinchillas!
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Schweet! Work MB LIKE ITS A JOB! Good luck on your road of recovery and don't forget to keep posting. It helps a lot!
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FM, if you had been diagnosed (by a licensed PSYCHIATRIST) as having narcissistic personality disorder, I would advise you to seek MEDICAL treatment. You are not narcissistic personality disorder, therefore the advice is completely different! This is why it is important to make the distinction. MB program is the ticket. MB has behavioral concepts which will allow both of you to fall back in love with each other. Selfish behaviors and selfless behaviors (both potentially destructive to the love bank) are taken into consideration in the MB behavioral program. \ And, the concepts would work with most psychological disorders with very few exceptions... and with those exceptions, it will still work when those conditions are being managed properly, and managing those conditions properly would be.... included in the plan for implementing the program. [recycle symbol goes here]
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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