p.s. I want to applaud you for the super job you did on exposure!

Good job on the exposure and welcome to MB.

Has the BH been in contact with you since he learned of the affair?

GloveOil,

I really appreciate your perspective on things! Thanks!

Courageous,

You are doing a great job. Follow what the vets say. You are doing great.

I agree! He is trying to unnerve and weaken me. OK, my pokerface is on and I'll be super sweet and cheerful. This will make his blood boil. Boy, won't this be fun! Thanks for the laugh

Yes, I have been reading the Carrot and stick of Plan A. I'm starting to love the stick part. No more doormat!!!

He is more than just sulking though. He is super, super pissed. I guess I know that I hit him where it hurts with the exposure.

That is great!! The more pissed, the more effective your exposure in killing the affair.

Does the OW have a facebook account? If she does, I would try and find her mother on there and expose the affair to her. Exposing to the affairee's mothers is a powerful exposure because it - usually - ruins the future of the affair. Most parents care enough about their kids to not support an affair.

Courageous,

I don't have any further advice for you as you got some of the best Mb vets helping you.

Welcome to MB and sorry you are going through this.

I really admire your drive and determination to kill this A and really wish there were more BS who were as determined as you to save their marriage from an A.

Really well done and good luck on Monday.

I like how you say that workplace exposure will motivate him to get out of there.

Plus, I can't take it anymore with the wondering what is happening between them at work.

Wow, making him move out will be very, very hard! I'm starting to see how this is necessary. I don't have a marriage anyway. Besides, I can't take much more of this!

Dr. Harley, clinical psychologist and founder of Marriage Builders, advises only putting up with this for about 3 weeks. After that, betrayed wives start having nervous breakdowns and physical problems. He recommends a dark separation if the wayward won't completely end contact. And that does mean working together!

Yes, it's a very entrenched, long term affair. I've read that these types are the hardest to recover from sadly

Another reason to go nuclear with everything! Thanks so much for the support, MelodyLane, you're the best

Its not as difficult as you think. Mine mistook my request as temporary and jumped at the chance to impress the OW all the while meaning to veer back my way again soon.

Then I had the locks changed, changed my contact details and had his belongings sent on. A love letter informed him he will have a loving wife waiting for him when the A is over.

Link in my sig explains Plan B preps

Thanks!

No, the BH has not been in contact with me even though I gave him my contact info. I kind of screwed up when I confronted OW, I threatened OW that I would be calling her BH. I called him within 15 minutes of telling her. When I told him he was completely shocked.

I told him the details, but unfortunately I didn't tell him 100% of my evidence. I messed up. We arranged a meeting a few hours after my phone call so I could give him all my copied evidence (e-mails, phone records etc). He never showed up for the meeting. I'm guessing that she got to him first and told him I was crazy, but he didn't seem to know anything when I called. Or he didn't care about the evidence because he already had suspicions and just proceeded to kick her out. I haven't heard anything further. I've been debating contacting him again, but wandered what good it would do. Any thoughts?

Logans Run, Thanks so much. It's wonderful to hear that I'm doing a great job. The support keeps me going

Yes contact him again.

Do you know his address? Can you drive there and give him all your evidence?

You are doing very well, Courageous!

Yes, do whatever it takes to get your evidence into the hands of OWH. Also get the evidence, especially anything work-related, into the hands of BOTH supervisors, the HR department, and maybe an upper-level officer or two.

Now expand on the impact. A phone call to any FEMALE relatives of his would be interesting, unless they are living wayward lifestyles and would support him as a colleague-in-adultery.

You want his whole world to collapse on him (and on POSOW) so in the future he looks back at his decision to pop POSOW as the worst one he ever made!

It's very very unlikely that anyone in your real life will identify your story and out your MB posts to someone/anyone in your real life. When you read here long enough these stories all sound similar. Just be careful adding any names or locations to your posts.

That being said...the biggest risk to discovery is when your husband snoops your computer to see what you are up to. We've even heard tell of some waywards putting keyloggers on their spouses computers to monitor whether they are getting suspicious. However, typically they just look in your computer history to see what you've been up to when it becomes obvious that SOMEBODY is feeding you [what they consider bad] advice.

Just use a separate browser for MB, close it when you leave, clear your history every time. If you run a mac...make good use of the "Private Browsing". If you access with your phone be sure you password protect or find some private browser App or something. Just be careful. Never trust a wayward...he's been playing this game a lot longer than you...being sneaky is his forte.

Godspeed,

Mr. W

p.s. - If he ever does find MB contact/email the mods immediately and they can bury or zap this thread for you.

Opera is very good for private browsing. I use Opera as my primary browser, but not too many folks do so that may work to your advantage. Just don't add any quick start or desktop launches and he'll probably never even notice. Just launch from your program file and then you should be good to go.

There's a private window option that you can access by clicking on the file tab in the upper left hand corner of the page. I don't think this toolbar loads automatically at installation, so you may have to go into "Tools" and then "My Preferences" to get the toolbar up.

If you decide to take this route and need some help setting up, just let me know.

http://www.opera.com/browser/

BTW, you are doing awesome. I'm very impressed with you.

I told my WH that he had to stop contact with AP and he said he would then he started texting her and deleting the texts which I caught and confronted him about. I had an angry outburst when I did this in December and it set us back. I told him he has to stop all contact with her otherwise we can't reconcile the marriage which he said he wanted to do.

After that things seemed to be fairly well. I did not see anymore texts and calls but because they work together I suspected that they were still in contact because he just didn't seem 100% on board (see my first post at the start of this thread). Then I did full nuclear exposure to friends, family and clergy. He got super, super pissed which is good. He started locking himself in the spare bedroom and wouldn't let me go near him. During this time I discovered that the AP has obtained a new cell phone and they started texting again and he put her new phone # under a different person's name. Does he think I'm stupid. He gave me some lame excuse that it was this other person and she just happened to text "Hey there sweetie, because that's how she always talks". I don't believe him.

This is the second time that he has broken his no contact pledge. This is a long-term affair and I know it's an addiction. I told him I know about the 2nd contact and that he has to change jobs and break all contact with her. Am I crazy to give him more time, since it's been only 2 months since I discovered and 5 days since I did full blown nuclear exposure?

I want to continue with plan A and Carrot and Stick. Any thoughts? My business is on our home property and for me to leave would be very, very difficult since my business is very busy right now and until May. He won't leave and says I'm the one who has to leave even though he's the one who had the affair.

Also get the evidence, especially anything work-related, into the hands of BOTH supervisors, the HR department, and maybe an upper-level officer or two. A phone call to any FEMALE relatives of his would be interesting...

Did you do these?

I told my WH that he had to stop contact with AP

Or what? Drunks don't stop drinking because they're ordered to. Addicts don't give up the needle because they have been told to do so.

These addictive personalities will only cease their abuses when the pain of continuing is significantly greater than the expected pain of withdrawal.

So maximize the totality of exposure. If the external sanctions like risking the loss of his job, and the contempt of his family and friends will not break him free, then you order him from the house. Failing that, you contact a lawyer.