Well you have some decisions to make.

BSs who try to Plan A longer than three months have serious problems and breakdowns.

Wouldn't that be somewhat worse for your business? Not to mention marriage?

And why do you need to go anywhere? You are the wronged party. Kick him out and change the locks.

Yesterday when I found the second failure to do no contact I told him I wanted a divorce and I've already talked to an attorney. When I told him this I had an angry outburst. But that was the only way I could get his phone from him and see the texts. I have more questions for the attorney and have an appointment for next week in regards to what I can take legally and certain financial matters. I have to get my ducks in a row before I can leave especially since I'll have to move my business. I know you said I should order him to leave, but yesterday I told him I wanted him out and he said no that it was his house and that I was the one who had to leave. He is in law enforcement and I don't think I can get him to leave. Any thoughts there?

I will tell him more clearly TONIGHT that unless he does a no contact letter and actually does NO CONTACT that I'll be filing for divorce. I know Plan A says to do no selfish demands. Is this one of those demands? I'm thinking no because our marriage is on the line and it's not selfish. It's the stick part of the carrot and stick plan.

I already told his mother all the details of the affair.

I already told his mother all the details of the affair.

Please stop being coy with us, okay?

"Mommy" is a good start. "EVERYBODY IN HIS ENTIRE LIFE" is what was suggested.

You have not exposed to all the supervisory employment persons that were suggested to you for the positive results that that might bring, and are instead jumping to divorce planning? Okay, that your right, but it's NOT the MB Program.

I guess I should have been more specific. I told about 28 people and ran through the list with him of everyone I told. Alot of them were his male friends, but there were females there also.

I'm still reluctant to tell his job because it could mean a sexual harrassment lawsuit and I depend on his income quite a bit. This is one of the exceptions to telling the employer in Mr. Harley's program. I read that in his "When should it be exposed".

Hmmm. Plan for what you will do if you can't. But if I were you I would just try it with the fallback plan of leaving if it fails.

Its the fact of you drawing a line in the sand that's going to get his attention.

Just keep telling him you need him out. You never know, say it enough times he might go for it. If nothing else, he has to leave sometime. Have his stuff moved and locks changed while he's at work.

If he gets back in, then move. But you will have made your point first.

Do the workplace exposure while telling him you need him to commit to a plan or get out.

Okay, I will not "contradict" Dr. Harley, although his exception dealt most directly with exposing at work after the affair is over, not as the best (only?) method of killing an active affair. You've obviously made up your mind.

Enjoy your portion of the paycheck while WH enjoys his dolly on the side, and she lives YOUR life after the divorce!

Btw: "it could mean a sexual harrassment lawsuit..." is bullspit.

Would it leave you completely financially desperate if it affected his job?

Even when it does, I believe Dr H only means WAIT to expose by securing some shelter/support.

He still means you to do it. You won't recover if you dodge consequences.

By the phrase 'quite a bit' I'm guessing it will actually be more financially painful to divorce and provide for two households.

So use your nuclear blast button to prevent that. Will there be a sacrifice? Yeah.

There usually is a terrible financial blow attached to all instances of infidelity.

Its just up to the BS to choose which one they want? Divorce costs? Or job consequence costs?

\

But this misses the point if he works with her. It doesn't matter if he texts with if he is seeing her at work every day.
<snip>


Tell him he has to quit the job or he has to move out because recovery is impossible as long as he works with the OW. You desperately need to expose the affair at work.

If he won't move out, then you will have to file for divorce and get him out of there. The time for Plan A is over. You have been in Plan A for longer than 3 weeks and it is time for Plan B.


I would expose at his workplace asap, Courageous!

Oh no, it is not an exception! He clarified his position in a recent post when we wrote him and told him that betrayed spouses were using this as an excuse NOT to expose at the workplace. Your mrriage is not going to recover any other way:

here

I plan on emailing Dr Harley and asking that he take that "exception" out of the exposure letter because too many people use it as an excuse not to expose at work. Dr Harley was very surprised people were doing that and it just continues to happen. He NEVER meant for people not to expose at work.

Courageous, in your situation you will lose your marriage if he doesn't lose that job, so you have everything to lose if you DON'T. You can only save your marriage if he DOES lose the job, so it makes no sense to be worried about exposure.

Do you want to be married or do you want him to have that job? Take your pick!

If I do Plan B it would be stupid to NOT file for divorce or legal separation, right?

People usually need the legal protection while they Plan B, yes.

It would be a good idea to file for divorce so you have legal protection while you are separated.

I plan on emailing Dr Harley and asking that he take that "exception" out of the exposure letter...

Good idea! Add my endorsement (unless you think that won't help!)

I need your help ASAP! See my prior entries on this thread about my WH's affair with a co-worker.

A week ago I exposed the A to about 29 family and friends and then told my WH of all the people I have told. He was very, very upset with me and wouldn't even come near me for about 5 days which I expected. Over the last few days I was able to talk to him and his anger was starting to subside.

About the 3rd week of December I confronted the AP outside her work and told her to stay away from my WH because they were still having contact at work and texting. I told her I would be calling her husband (big mistake). Anyway about 15 minutes later I called her husband at work and told him of the affair, but didn't tell him all the evidence (another big mistake). I arranged a meeting with him a few hours later to give him copies of all my proof, e-mails, phone records etc. We exchanged phone numbers. Well, he didn't show up because I'm suspecting that she called and told him I'm crazy.

This afternoon I went to his work to deliver the proof to him by hand. They told me that he already left which could be the case because he gets off work early in the afternoon.

After I confronted her at her work my WH and AP told me that I was blocked from her work building (WH works in one building and AP works in another building on the same block). Yesterday I called her supervisor (who is a client of mine) and confirmed that I have NOT BEEN blocked from the building and that it was a lie. I did not tell her of all the evidence I have because I was going to deliver it tomorrow.

On Saturday evening I could tell that my husband was getting many texts from a certain phone number according to Verizon Online. Since he has now removed the password from his phone and has been letting me look at his phone I asked to see it and he got very upset and fought me to get the phone. I finally got the phone from him and one of the texts he got was "Hey there sweetie". The phone number was a new number under a new contact name. When I confronted him about this he said that that was just the way she always talked. I called the number today and the person my WH said the number belonged to answered the phone. He is either telling the truth or the AP borrowed the phone from a friend. I'm just so suspicious of everything he does now.

This evening I got a text form her saying "Stay the F**k away from my husbands work and my work. We will get restraining orders and you will look like a fool. The police dept boys are already watching for u. Rumors have flown and people are saying you are crazy and telling him to leave u. I have had no contact with him since before x mas. And your little call Saturday night was j****a who called him not me. Pull the number and call her she can't wait to talk to you. I better never see u near me again or my family"

In her text she says she has not had any contact with him, but how would she know about the texts from Saturday night if she had not spoken to him.

I have a small service business with a good reputation. She is now spreading false rumors about me and I'm sure is out to destroy me. I have a friend that works in the same office as her and has told me this. This is so unfair because I don't deserve this and now my business is going to suffer.

I am planning on taking my proof to their work tomorrow. My WH is in law enforcement and she works for social services. Any advice would be helpful. Can I get in trouble legally for telling the employer? Can I get a restraining order against her? I have to save my marriage and exposure at work is the only option. Please help ASAP!!!!

Wow POSOW is mad. At least you realized your mistakes. If it were me I would go to his work and OWH work and give them all proof of the affair. If she wants a restraining order she can get one after you set this up. Legally I don't see any repercussions on your part you might want to call a lawyer for a free consultation or a paralegal service to be sure.

Sweetie, first of all...CALm DOWN! I will tell you right now that the skank is blowing smoke up your wazoo.

I dealt with the very same thing with my WH and his AP throwing rumors around that I am crazy and his AP threatening ME with a RO. The only way to get an RO is for harassment or threatening danger to someone. Harassment means repeated. If she talked to cops, they probably laughed at her.
"Excuse me officer, I'd like to get an RO against the women who's married to the guy I'm screwing"....um yeah.

She's scared because you are messing up her little fantasy world. And does NOT want you to get to her husband and blow up her little fantasy.

The text he got saturday night? I can gaurantee you was skank. My WH's AP changed her # 4 times during their affair and it was never attached to her name. But I knew it was her because the dumb ho always misspelled the word "bye" as "bey".

Yor best way to pre-empt rumors is my exposure which is why we always recommend exposure. That way you get the truth out there before they get their lies out there.

Keep on your course and don't let her threats or rumors deter you. If her threats escalate, then YOU call the police and report it. I would also suggest slapping spyware on his phone so you know about any further contact.

((hugs)) to you, honey. Your story is so very much like mine. I'll try to help if I can.

~RQ

Courageous, expose the affair at the workplace and you will stop getting these silly threats. Did you read the exposure thread on how to expose an affair?

Yes, I would make it a priority to speak to their employers about them fraternizing and engaging in their affair while at work. Do they work in the same building?

Well, it is done. I am just getting back to work after exposing the affair to their work. I went to human resources and requested to speak to WH supervisor (the county sheriff) and two of her supervisors as well as the HR director. It was great I had copies of e-mails, texts and phone records. I even did an analysis of how many phone calls per month. It was great!!!! I had a set of 4 copies, one for each of them. The stack was about an inch thick. I told them everything and even showed them the naked picture.

After the OW threatened me last night I was so on board with the work exposure. She better watch out she has woke a sleeping giant. I bet she thought she had me whipped. I also wrote up a letter to go with all the paperwork. It was one that was prepared by an attorney/board member of MB. It looked so official. She doesn't know who she's messing with. I hate to say it, but it felt pretty good. I told them I was doing it to save my marriage and the one supervisor had the gall to say that the marriage pretty much looks over. What a jerk!!!! Anyway, I'll prove him wrong, but I am prepared for the worst case scenario. I'm not ready to give up yet.

You mentioned spyware on his phone. I've been looking into that for an iPhone. The only one I can find requires the phone to be jail broken and I don't think I'll be able to accomplish that. Do you know of any program that doesn't require the phone to be jail broken?