I will put this on the top of the list. Thanks for your input.

Dr Harley tells the story about how he loved to camp and go hiking and his wife would have none of that. He does not miss it, though, because he replaced it with activities that both he and his wife loved. The problem comes when something other than your spouse is your favorite leisure activity. Anything that comes before your marriage eventually comes between you, and that is what happened here.

And while you might resent giving up your motorcycle now, that resentment will only last until a suitable replacement is found that you both enjoy. On the other hand, if you kept it, her resentment would last forever. It sounds like she does not enjoy riding motorcycles and now it represents the worst thing that ever happened to her.

Your wife did the right thing in not agreeing to go riding on the motorcycle since that is something she does not enjoy. What went wrong was that guys did not find something ELSE you could do together that you both enjoyed. I know it seems impossible now, but as your marriage thrives, you will find other things that you enjoy as much or more. I only hope you don't hold this over her head or bring it up to her again [except to tell her it is sold] because she has been through alot already.


That is the perfect approach. And I promise you that if you keep on this same path, you will be rewarded with a great marriage to the mother of your children.


I think it is a great idea to post here because we can discuss things with you that might not be a good idea to bring up with her. You are both in a very emotional, volatile situation whereas we are not emotional about your situation.


You are very welcome, and I have no doubt that you and your wife will turn this around. You are both very committed and I promise this will get easier!

You won't need to post forever, although you do and will have a lot to offer others on the boards.

Sell the motorcycle, and as ML said, don't hold it against her, ever. Don't look at you having to sell the motorcycle as something you are doing to appease your demanding wife, but as you attempting to start making amends. I know that you have taken BIG, HUGE steps already, but there needs to be more. Making big changes in your life, and righting wrongs that you have committed takes a huge amount of effort. Your wife and family are worth it, and so are you.

Motorcycle is now listed. Wife seems to be happy.

I'm certain she;ll be happier when it is sold. And although you may grieve it's loss at first, I am quite certain that when you have a fully recovered marriage, you will wonder why you ever placed such high value to a material thing.

Me ---->


Good Job!

Long Haul:
What's the bike you are selling?

I already feel that with my job. It was a lot more stress on me than I thought. There was a lot of mental time spent on it. The hated to leave the students in the middle of the year and history has shown from the program that it has changed the future of the students if they that advantage of their opportunities.

The students will survive and the school will go on. My wife and childeren come first.
My day is being a stay at home dad. Looking for a job. Laundry but not folding, I hate it. Keeping the kitchen clean. Spending one on one time with the kids when they get home and having supper for my wife when she gets home and we all eat together. MB at night and I have a date night with my wife tonight.
The economics has not come into play with half our income gone. We are fairly frugale and our bills stay the same. The biggest way we can cut our budget is eating out. Instead of eating out I have been going to the grocery store but their prices have gone through the roof. $28 for getting stuff for sandwiches. Made fajitas and it was $70 but we did eat on it for 3 days. My oldest daughter and I made breakfast for supper last night with everything we had here so we are improving.

I just want to be with my wife and kids. I want to help my wife heal. I am so ready for us to move forward and hopefully with me finally put the motorcycle up for sale. I am aware of me dragging on these issues I have hurt the process.

I just trying to move forward and rebuild everything I have damaged. I appreciate everyday I have with my wife and I want the next day to be the same. I do not like argueing and it really empties my Love Bank.

With MB we are addressing these things and moving forward. I am ready for the habits to disappear where we can X them off so they never pop up again.

It is a 2009 Harley Davidson Roadking.

Just returned from the big annual moto auction in Vegas. The used market is well up from last year, and Harley's especially. You should have no trouble finding a buyer, someone who will love and enjoy your bike as much as you have...

And... You have given your wife a gift by listing it...

I quit my job. There is no unemployment or any money coming in on my part. I don't think it makes me a bad/selfish/ ect. person because I want to get the most out of it we can. The other bike I looked at was $2000 cheaper than I wanted for my bike. I am not working and I was just talking with my wife. She said I need to communicate everything I am thinking and I did, it went south from there.

I am fine with getting rid of the motorcycle because it is giving her so much pain. I have not even taken it for a ride because I don't even want her to hear it run. It is at another house and she doesn't have to see it when she gets home.

I am ready for it to be gone and us moving ahead.

One thing I would not communicate is anything that appears to be waffling about previously agreed upon items related to the affair. AS you can see, that only causes you both enormous problems. She sure doesn't need the added stress. She can't be placed in a position to have to re-negotiate or defend decisions over and over again. There has been WAY WAY too much negotiation about basic affair proofing steps and I think that has really added to her stress.

The less stress the better, for both of you!

I realize you want to get the most out of the motorcycle and that is a good thing. As long as that does not delay its sale or change the decision.

No folding clothes, huh?

Point taken.

We had our date night tonight. We had a window of time of 1 � hours. . It is cold and rainy tonight, so we couldn�t walk around town. I wanted to walk, hold her hand and talk. I thought we could go into a home improvement store and walk in circles. She told me I would see people and talk. I was going to Walmart to pick up some things and we could walk there instead.

She wanted to go to McDonalds and sit and talk. I thought we could ride to another Walmart that was further away and we could talk in the car and then walk and talk in Walmart. She thought we were going to McDonalds. We went to McDonalds and talked in the parking lot before we went in.

We went over our communication problems. I say things but this is what I meant and what I felt when I was saying them. I shouldn�t have started driving to Wal-Mart without talking everything over with her. This put her in a defensive mode. She explained some of the things she did wrong on her reaction.

When we argue over stupid stuff it depletes my Love Bank. I had been looking forward to our date all night and it had been crushed over Walmart or McDonalds.

Tonight we communicated and reeled it in the car before we went into McDonalds. I felt like the sun shined on us. We had our food and set across from each other because I like to look at her. I always sit with my back to the wall so I can watch people. I have been trying to put my back to the people and watch my wife.

The rain stopped and we went and walked around town for a few minutes before our date was over. I am in a warm and fuzzy place in my mind and life is good tonight.

I appreciate my time with her and I just have set small goals daily but aiming for the long term goal of a happy, honest, loving, fulfilling marriage with my wife.

I am happy for today and I want one more day with her and appreciate the time with her. My goal is one day at a time and planning for tomorrow.

One day, looking back and years have gone by and we are more in love than ever. Time will tell.

Dr Hatley recommends that you sit down Sunday and plan out where you will go for the week so the hours add up to 15.
That way there is no confusion (McDonald's, Walmart etc) AND the agreement would be enthusiastically agreed to by both your wife and you.

And by doing that all the time -- literally and metaphorically -- you'll be showing her that you've got her back... got it covered.

Always have each other's backs. That's when it gets good. You & her against the world.

Longhaul, like Jedi pointed out, you can avoid all that dissension if you just sit down on Sunday afternoon, schedule out your UA time for the next week and decide on activities THEN. That way you aren't spending your UA time debating over where you are going. And once you work out a few schedules that you both really like, you can use the same schedule over and over again.

Do your best to avoid any conflicts during your UA time. Do you have the Five Steps to Romantic Love workbook? If so, the worksheet is in the back of that book. Tear it out and make copies.

I don't know if this will work for you and your wife, but we love to go out and eat. WE like driving to places about an hour away so we have a good time driving there and back. And depending on the restaurant we might split an entree to save money. WE eat out alot and that can really add up.


How did she feel about going for a walk in the home improvement store? Are you checking with her to make sure all of your plans are something she enjoys?

Interesting that you planned UA time in Walmart; that is where some of our best UA time is spent! Sounds crazy, but we really enjoy it..

in Walmart; that is where some of our best UA time is spent! Sounds crazy, but we really enjoy it.

We do too, but I go there to get the benefit of the "contrast effect"!











All photos from www.peopleofwalmart.com

Take my picture off there, you dweeb!!!

But how did you get Mr. Lane to dress entirely in red?