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Courageous, expose the affair at the workplace and you will stop getting these silly threats. Did you read the exposure thread on how to expose an affair?
MelodyLane, thanks so much for your wonderful support. It is finished. This morning I exposed to affair to the workplace. See my post just prior to this one for the details.
He's going to be pretty upset and probably want to sit down and fill out divorce papers. I'm going to tell him that it's probably best to wait until he cools off for about a week so that way he has a clear head. What do you think?
I have an appointment with an attorney next Wednesday to get help with filing for legal separation. I want to have that coincide with Plan B. Since my business is on the home property I was going to ask him to leave, but I bet he won't. I guess I'll try it first to see how it works and if it doesn't then I'll leave, but it may take me a bit to get my business set up and it's a very, very busy time for my business right now. I'm planning on moving in with my elderly father. Do you have any thoughts on timing plan B and separation? Should I see how the work exposure goes first before Plan B?
Me: BS DH: WS
Married 20 years no children DD: Nov 2012
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6
Yor best way to pre-empt rumors is my exposure which is why we always recommend exposure. That way you get the truth out there before they get their lies out there.
Keep on your course and don't let her threats or rumors deter you. If her threats escalate, then YOU call the police and report it. I would also suggest slapping spyware on his phone so you know about any further contact.
((hugs)) to you, honey. Your story is so very much like mine. I'll try to help if I can.
~RQ
Well, it is done. I am just getting back to work after exposing the affair to their work. I went to human resources and requested to speak to WH supervisor (the county sheriff) and two of her supervisors as well as the HR director. It was great I had copies of e-mails, texts and phone records. I even did an analysis of how many phone calls per month. It was great!!!! I had a set of 4 copies, one for each of them. The stack was about an inch thick. I told them everything and even showed them the naked picture.
After the OW threatened me last night I was so on board with the work exposure. She better watch out she has woke a sleeping giant. I bet she thought she had me whipped. I also wrote up a letter to go with all the paperwork. It was one that was prepared by an attorney/board member of MB. It looked so official. She doesn't know who she's messing with. I hate to say it, but it felt pretty good. I told them I was doing it to save my marriage and the one supervisor had the gall to say that the marriage pretty much looks over. What a jerk!!!! Anyway, I'll prove him wrong, but I am prepared for the worst case scenario. I'm not ready to give up yet.
You mentioned spyware on his phone. I've been looking into that for an iPhone. The only one I can find requires the phone to be jail broken and I don't think I'll be able to accomplish that. Do you know of any program that doesn't require the phone to be jail broken?
FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
Yes, I would make it a priority to speak to their employers about them fraternizing and engaging in their affair while at work. Do they work in the same building?
I exposed this morning. I exposed according to MB quidelines I believe. They work in different buildings, but both buildings are on the same block.
Me: BS DH: WS
Married 20 years no children DD: Nov 2012
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6
Now prepare for them to go ballistic. Are you ready? Can you have a little recorder in your pocket to protect yourself.
So proud of you!!
NOW, when he explodes at you, don't get upset, don't fight, and don't allow him to bully you. you will be ok!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
And another response to add to that, to reply to his angry bursts: "Would you like a potato chip?"
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
MelodyLane, thanks so much for your wonderful support. It is finished. This morning I exposed to affair to the workplace. See my post just prior to this one for the details.
He's going to be pretty upset and probably want to sit down and fill out divorce papers. I'm going to tell him that it's probably best to wait until he cools off for about a week so that way he has a clear head. What do you think?
Tell him that you will be giving him that divorce - on your terms - if he doesn't leave that job and end all contact with the OW. Let him know that you won't be filling out any divorce papers with him. It will all be done through your attorney.
If he refuses to leave that job and end contact, ask him to leave.
Quote
I have an appointment with an attorney next Wednesday to get help with filing for legal separation. I want to have that coincide with Plan B. Since my business is on the home property I was going to ask him to leave, but I bet he won't. I guess I'll try it first to see how it works and if it doesn't then I'll leave, but it may take me a bit to get my business set up and it's a very, very busy time for my business right now. I'm planning on moving in with my elderly father. Do you have any thoughts on timing plan B and separation? Should I see how the work exposure goes first before Plan B?
I would try and pressure him to leave first. By all means see an attorney next week and find out your rights. Tell the atty you need him to get your husband legally removed and ask him how he can do that. [most atty's are lazy and will just say they can't so you have to apply pressure = "I need to get him removed, how would you suggest I do that?"]
Then if he won't leave you might have to do the leaving. But it is good that you are exploring your options and getting a plan in place. I love a smart girl!!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
Great job, Courageous, and a great name for you. Just act calm and serene. If he goes off spewing nonsense, don't engage and don't try to defend yourself. Just tell him that you are just "trying to save our marriage, Dear. Now what would you like for dinner?"
Can you people not speak TEXAS ENGLISH around here!??
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
Your story is so very much like mine. I'll try to help if I can.
You said my story is almost like yours. Even your dates are the same except a year earlier. Wow! How did you do your Plan B? It looks like you were in Plan B for about 5 weeks before you got the no contact pledge. Did you move back in then or did he move out. What was your situation like? I'm about ready to go into Plan B and need to find a way to let him know about how to write the no contact letter.
Did you file for divorce or legal separation at the time of Plan B?
Last edited by Courageous; 01/16/1304:57 PM.
Me: BS DH: WS
Married 20 years no children DD: Nov 2012
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6
Not to shoot down your plan but your doing a good job. Did you Plan A at all? Plan B is recommended after Plan A unless your in danger of physical abuse by your WS.
Not to shoot down your plan but your doing a good job. Did you Plan A at all? Plan B is recommended after Plan A unless your in danger of physical abuse by your WS.
Yes, I did Plan A for about 4-6 weeks.
Me: BS DH: WS
Married 20 years no children DD: Nov 2012
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6
My WH's boss just called and said he told my husband and my husband was very, very upset. He said he didn't know what the future of our marriage was and that he was upset that I chose the way I did by exposing the affair to his boss.
Did I do the wrong thing? I'm starting to freak out!!!
Last edited by Courageous; 01/16/1305:47 PM.
Me: BS DH: WS
Married 20 years no children DD: Nov 2012
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6
Are you saying your WH's POSOW's BH called you? All you need to have said was, "You're welcome!"
I just edited my post you were referring to. Of course my husband denied there was any sex even though he e-mailed her a picture of himself naked plus other sexual type e-mails. In addition there were many, many phone calls each month. Even if there was not sex, it definitely was an emotional affair. I also got an STD, so what does that tell you. Also, my WH isn't going to admit to his boss that there was sex.
Last edited by Courageous; 01/16/1305:49 PM.
Me: BS DH: WS
Married 20 years no children DD: Nov 2012
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6
My WH's boss just called and said he told my husband and my husband was very, very upset. He said he didn't know what the future of our marriage was and that he was upset that I chose the way I did by exposing the affair to his boss.
The "future" of your marriage is none of his damn business. Its not like he knows anything about marriages.
That is great that your husband is very upset! That was your goal. The more upset, the better you hit the target.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
That was your goal. The more upset, the better you hit the target.