Thanks! I'm thinking of not being home when he returns from work. He may not even come home. There were like 60 to 80 phone calls each month. I know they work together and do investigations together but THAT MANY calls.

Thanks for your support! I just have to remember how upset he got the first time I went down to his work upset and the OW sent a very nasty "Stay the F**k away" text last night.

Did I do Plan A long enough? I had a few angry outbursts in Plan A, but my health and business is suffering. It's been since 11/13/12 since I discovered and the first two weeks were very much NOT Plan A because I was so angry and upset.

Plus I found chocolates and a Victoria's Secret gift card that had "I Love you" printed on it in his car a few weeks before Christmas. They were hidden under his seat. It was past Christmas and he didn't give them to me. He said he forgot about the gift card because it must have fallen in between the seat, but that it really was for me. Lie!!!! I didn't find the chocolates until later and just took them from his car and haven't told him yet.

Courageous...
That is not your husband... He has been replaced by an "alien" who will say and do anything to keep his A going. Do not get caught up in his emotional blackmail. Keep breathing... Stay calm and keep your head.

You are doing great....

Just wanted to encourage you that you did NOT do the wrong thing. You are doing the RIGHT thing. Hang in there.
Take the vets advice and stay calm.

Who is the boss's boss? County Executive? The stage is being set for a "burial" of your complaint, kiddo. I'd follow up with an interview with the top dog, or notice of an intention to pursue legal remedies (don't have to be specific - let them sweat), using a lawyer. Or both!

Exposure is an important part of Plan A. Plan A is not Plan Nice it is 'I love you - look at me fight for you'. It is also 'Look how gorgeous, strong and unlike a doormat I am. Are you willing to lose this?'

It is absolutely shameful that his boss is actually trying to gaslight you for his buddy. He is actually going out of his way to encourage adultery in his business. Unbelievable.

Thanks so much for all the support I couldn't do it today without you, God, Xanax and Celexa LOL! I've always been against these types of drugs and have never used them, but they sure are helping. I usually am a doormat and very passive so this is amazing that with yours' and God's help I'm able to do this. God provides help when asked.

Thanks for reminding me that him being very mad is right on the mark and that Exposure is part of Plan A. Maybe I should keep trying Plan A after this exposure cools off. I'll see how it goes. I'm doing better emotionally than I was before except of course days like these.

Thanks again! Everyone is just wonderful here. I so love this forum it gives me strength.

Also, someone mentioned that he is an alien right now. Boy is that true. I don't even know him. When he gets really mad like this he just locks himself in the spare bedroom all night and won't let me get near him for days on end. How childish is that .... or I guess I should say alien LOL

I kicked kiss out of the house at first. But even though he had a place to stay, he would still show up at the house and emotionally torment me, do laundry, and eat our food. And I couldn't do anything about it legally. So I wound up having to rent a house for me and my 4 kids so I could get way from him.

It was hard and I ain't gonna lie, I didn't stay completely dark (which I really regret!) But showing him that I could move on without him seemed to wake him up and helped him realize what he was throwing away. After NC, it was a couple of months before I allowed him to move in with me and the kids.

I did see a lawyer at first, but the amount the lawyer wnted was the same amount that I needed for the deposit on the house. I decided the house was more important and if he wanted a divorce, HE could pay for it.

You have a plan. And that empowers you!


I actually thought kiss was on steroids or something (before I understood the true depth of his A) because he was sooo different from the husband I knew.

I did forget to mention that his boss did say that they both denied any sex, but that it was just flirting and inappropriate stuff. My WH's boss said that he didn't go into everything with my WH about what I told them. Dang it!!! He's not good at confrontation obviously!! He so must change jobs!

When I did the exposure I thought about not showing them the naked picture, but I sure am glad I did. I also told them about how I got HPV even though my husband is my only partner ever. At her job she's been telling everyone I'm crazy. During the exposure her supervisor said, "Well you're not crazy". Score for me!! Yipee!! Now they will see her true colors when she goes nuts over there.

His boss also said that they have banned them from ever working together again. Another score for me!!!! But it doesn't mean they can't meet during lunch etc.

You are doing just super, my friend! When he comes home let him know that he has to leave that job or he has to move out. Stay focused on that point with him. Your marriage will NEVER recover as long as he continues to work there, so stay on point about that. Tell him that he will have to move out if he doesn't quit his job and end all contact with the OW. He may be mad enough to move out.

And if he does, don't be alarmed because I think that is what it will take to convince him he has to get out of there. He believes you won't do anything to make him stop. What you did today will show him otherwise!

And if he tries to start an argument after your ultimatum, just say, "I'm sorry you feel that way, would you like a potato chip?"

Like ML, I'm thinking that your not budging will play a big part in his mind. He's probably been thinking you won't make much more of a fuss.

I never thought of it that way when you said "He believes you won't do anything to make him stop. What you did today will show him otherwise!" That gives me hope

Thanks for all the advice and encouragement!

I May have missed this and apologize ahead a time if you already covered this.

Have you had a full STD panel done recently?

Yeah, he's used to me letting him do pretty much whatever he wants. No wonder he's acting like an alien, he's in alien territory with having an assertive wife! Go me!!!! LOL

No, I haven't yet because when I did research I found various things. Some said the HPV could lay dormant for many, many years and some said a few years. Boy, was I in denial. Oh well, past is the past.

I'll get that full STD panel done. Thanks for reminding me!

Yes that is true. There is no test for HPV currently and it can remain dormant. So even if your results come back clean do a 6 month follow-up.

If you do move to recovery, please make one of your conditions be to have your WH get tested.

You sound very well under the conditions you're in.

How are you doing? Sleeping? Eating?

I may be wrongbut I do not remember the OWH being exposed and provided with evidence. This is a key park of exposure.