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Originally Posted by Courageous
Originally Posted by BrainHurts
She has big balls!!
Yes she does. A MB warrior.

Thanks everyone!

Well done. You are doing so great. clap


me - 44
WH - 44
married 19 years
2 daughters - 15 & 13

D-day: 11/19/2012
Didn't find out until years later - A with coworker, 2008 & again in 2010 or 2011
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Sorry, I just can't stop thinking about the richness of the irony:
She's in law enforcement and she's actually trying to threaten you to stop you from exposing workplace wrongdoing?

Well, as Jimmy Stewart said to Donna Reed in "It's a Wonderful Life" in another fortuitous (albeit differently so) circumstance:
"This... is a very interesting situation!"

Methinks her career is about to be launched on a corkscrew-shaped trajectory down Ye Olde Porcelain Bowle.
And who the hell wants an affair partner who can't even afford to pick up her half of the check once in awhile?

One of the biggest things in your favor, Courageous (aside from your aforementioned big, uh, characteristics), is that not only is your WH's affair partner mendacious & self-centered (as all waywards are), but she's also got a genuine STOOPID streak as wide as Lake Michigan...


Me: FWH, 50
My BW: Trust_Will_Come, 52, tall, beautiful & heart of gold
DD23, DS19
EA-then-PA Oct'08-Jan'09
Broke it off & confessed to BW (after OW's H found out) Jan.7 2009
Married 25 years & counting.
Grateful for forgiveness. Working to be a better husband.
"I wear the chain I forged in life... I made it link by link, and yard by yard" ~Jacob Marley's ghost, A Christmas Carol
"Do it again & you're out on your [bum]." ~My BW, Jan.7 2009
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He didn't come home last night after I did the workplace exposure yesterday morning. Six days ago I did nuclear exposure to about 29 friends, family and clergy. I haven't heard a peep from him since Tuesday evening, no calls or texts. Usually I freak out and call him to find out if he's ok and not dead on the road somewhere. This time I'm not contacting him AT ALL. If he never comes back I'm going to assume we're in Plan B and that I can count my lucky stars that he left first instead of him refusing to leave which he stated earlier.

I think he may eventually come back, but he is super, super pissed. He may just file for divorce. Oh, well! I'm preparing myself for the end just in case. I can't have a marriage with him still working with her and having contact with her. I still hold out hope that after his anger subsides that he'll return, but if he does he's going to have to work very, very hard to win me back. It seems like I've been working 110% and he's been working 20%. That will change!!!!!

Any thoughts out there? Is the Plan B assumption correct?

Usually in Plan B you write the letter stating that you want no contact with him and that if he wants to talk to me he has to talk to my intermediary. The letter also states the terms that he has to change jobs and stop all contact with her with a no contact letter and also that I'm still willing to work on the marriage. If he just never comes back, how can I get that letter to him? Any ideas? I'm probably thinking too far ahead.

Last edited by Courageous; 01/17/13 08:54 AM.

Me: BS
DH: WS

Married 20 years no children
DD: Nov 2012

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6
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Do you have any balance for him in your LB$ account? Or at least enough to generate a small Plan A of some extent?

Plan A is realistically your last chance to demonstrate the attractiveness of his giving up the wayward path and returning to you and your marriage. You play the part of the ideal spouse - you dress well, smell good, maintain emotional equilibrium, prepare his favorite meals - in short, BE his fantasy. I'm told though most BHs can be expected to continue thus for six months, most BWs, if they can do it at all, can only pull this off for three weeks, before his disinterest damages their fragile egos. (Although "fragility" hasn't seemed to be associated with your performance to date.)

Whatever. The point is that without a Plan A of some type, you'll never "know" that you did everything you could to pull (win?) him back.

While there are mythical stories of Plan B'd WSs returning, that's not a real good bet. Plan B usually becomes "Plan D Prep".

So what's left in your tank, C?

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Just remember that the plan B letter is really a love letter.

Remind him of the great life you built together and talk about how you can restore the marriage to better than ever before! Show him that there is a path back.

But, the path is on your terms, not his.

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No, it is not a "myth" that spouses return after Plan B, however, that misses the point of Plan B. The purpose is NOT to get a spouse back, but to protect the emotional well being of the BS. Plan B works every time in that aspect.

Plan B does not purport to save a marriage. All it does is protect the mental and physical health of the BS. If the WS does not end his/her affair, divorce is the definition of success in those cases. That is a GOOD THING, not a bad thing.

But before you go into Plan B, you want to make sure that the last thing he remembers are fond memories of the last time he was with you. You don't need to hang around for more Plan A because you have been doing that for months now. A prolonged Plan A works AGAINST a women because competing for a man is very unattractive.

Courageous, in your case, I would visit that attorney and find out your rights. Ask him to check the courts daily to see if your husband filed.

And if your husband shows up, ASK him to leave if he won't quit that job and end his affair. Get him out of the house before you concern yourself with Plan B, though.

I would - TODAY - somehow get that evidence to the OW's husband. You have the infidels on the ropes and now is the time to strike.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by Viper
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Keep in mind that the OW can't get a RO against you for going to her husband's workplace. And if she TRIES to do such a thing, she only exposes her affair because your evidence will be brought into court.
Yep, if she persists in this idle threat, then I would actually beg her to take such actions so that you would have a legal, and public venue to produce you're evidence. Seriously, BEG her to do it. She'll slither away so fast you wouldn't believe.

x 2

When OW (and even her BH who was also a WS) starting acting stupid with threats, I told them to bring it on...I'd kick their butts...they could kick their own butts...and all their dirty laundry will be out twisting in the wind for public consumption. Knock yourself out!!! They shut up real fast and slinked off.


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Originally Posted by Courageous
I think he may eventually come back, but he is super, super pissed. He may just file for divorce. Oh, well! I'm preparing myself for the end just in case. I can't have a marriage with him still working with her and having contact with her. I still hold out hope that after his anger subsides that he'll return, but if he does he's going to have to work very, very hard to win me back. It seems like I've been working 110% and he's been working 20%. That will change!!!!!

If he does file, let him know you won't be "friends" and thank him for half of his pension. wink

Hang in there!!


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
But before you go into Plan B, you want to make sure that the last thing he remembers are fond memories of the last time he was with you. You don't need to hang around for more Plan A because you have been doing that for months now. A prolonged Plan A works AGAINST a women because competing for a man is very unattractive.

If he comes back I'll make sure I do some more Plan A at least for a little bit because I didn't do both the friends/family exposure and work exposure at the same time. His love bank had 2 major withdrawals with those exposures only 6 days apart. I did a fairly good Plan A with several angry outburst when it first happened. It took me awhile to get on track with counseling and recovering from the shock and rejection before I could start Plan A. The good thing about doing Plan A is that if I do it longer and the result is divorce after I go into Plan B then I'll have lost all my love for him by then. The bank is getting pretty low right now with how he's been acting with locking himself in the spare bedroom for pretty much 6 days straight after the first exposure. Who is this man I married? He is so childish. I know it's the fog talking, but it's pretty hard to take. At least I've been loyal and loving.

When you say "Plan A works AGAINST a women because competing for a man is very unattractive". Do you mean two competing woman is unattractive from the man's perspective?


Me: BS
DH: WS

Married 20 years no children
DD: Nov 2012

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6
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Originally Posted by Courageous
[

When you say "Plan A works AGAINST a women because competing for a man is very unattractive". Do you mean two competing woman is unattractive from the man's perspective?

YES. It is a complete turn off to most men. It doesn't work for women and it only harms them by eroding their mental and physical state. That is why Harley recommends Plan A for only 3 to 4 weeks for betrayed wives.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Are you on ADs yet? Dr. H also recommends that for BSs as well. They help control angry outbursts and irrational behavior during infidelity.

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Originally Posted by TranquilDark
Are you on ADs yet? Dr. H also recommends that for BSs as well. They help control angry outbursts and irrational behavior during infidelity.

Yes, I'm on anti-depressants and anxiety RX's They are helping alot. I've been on them since Dec 29th and I wish I would have started them sooner. I just don't want to get addicted to Xanax so I'm trying to control my use of that one.


Me: BS
DH: WS

Married 20 years no children
DD: Nov 2012

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6
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At most you should be in Plan A for 3 weeks. Any more than that and you risk totally killing your desire to reconcile. But that being said, make it a good 3 weeks. You want him to really get used to having you, before you spring Plan B on him.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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I did workplace affair exposure yesterday and WH did not come home last night. He probably stayed in a hotel because AP is married. I haven't heard anything from him and I know he's at work today. If he doesn't come home tonight should I text or call him?

I would like to do a bit more Plan A.

Last edited by Courageous; 01/17/13 05:32 PM.

Me: BS
DH: WS

Married 20 years no children
DD: Nov 2012

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6
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Originally Posted by Courageous
I did workplace affair exposure yesterday and WH did not come home last night. He probably stayed in a hotel because AP is married. I haven't heard anything from him and I know he's at work today. If he doesn't come home tonight should I text or call him?

I would like to do a bit more Plan A.

I would. Call him and text him. Express wifely concern

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Originally Posted by Courageous
I did workplace affair exposure yesterday and WH did not come home last night. He probably stayed in a hotel because AP is married. I haven't heard anything from him and I know he's at work today. If he doesn't come home tonight should I text or call him?

I would like to do a bit more Plan A.

Nope, don't chase him at all. It won't be attractive and it will just wear you down. Just sit tight, my friend!!


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Nope, don't chase him at all. It won't be attractive and it will just wear you down. Just sit tight, my friend!!

That's what I was thinking was No because it looks like I'm needy. He needs to know that I can survive without him. Maybe he'll get worried I'm going to divorce him.

Yes, it would wear me down because all I would be thinking about was "Has he texted back yet?". I'm preparing myself for the fact that he may not come home tonight either. But he has to get clean clothes at some point. I know he hasn't because I work from home.


Me: BS
DH: WS

Married 20 years no children
DD: Nov 2012

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6
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Originally Posted by Courageous
That's what I was thinking was No because it looks like I'm needy. He needs to know that I can survive without him. Maybe he'll get worried I'm going to divorce him.

And he will just use any perceived neediness as leverage against you. It won't help your cause!

In fact, to show him how serious you are, why not pack his stuff up and have it waiting for him? You can have the discussion about how he either ends the affair or he needs to move out while staring at his packed up clothes! That will show how serious you really are. I think he will be shocked.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Do you live in a fault state or a no fault state? Does adultery count in your divorces?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Do you live in a fault state or a no fault state? Does adultery count in your divorces?

Unfortunately it's a no fault state.


Me: BS
DH: WS

Married 20 years no children
DD: Nov 2012

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6
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