Courageous:
this is exactly what I went through, unwittingly, for over 5 months. Everything at his work will be a reminder to him, and give him another hit of the crack pipe. Do not allow this to drag on. FR is so much more difficult to recover from!

Another thing to consider is that if the OW did seek legal action, it would be a great opportunity to bring your evidence to court and get it on record. It is not in her best interest to pursue legal action because she won't want her dirty laundry exposed in court.

She is just making idle threats to keep you from interfering with her affair with your husband. Do you want to interfere in his affair?

My fiance and I have had several counseling sessions with Steve, and it has worked wonders. Steve had an individual session with each of us, and then counseled both of us together for the remaining sessions (3-way phone calls). I think your best bet at saving this marriage is to get your husband to agree to phone counseling sessions with Steve. You might be saying the exact same thing as Steve, but if the words come from Steve instead of you, your H is likely to be much more receptive. If Steve can convince your H of the logic behind the MB approach to recovery, you could start seeing real progress fairly quickly.

I totally agree with you that my WH is free to continue contact with OW as long as he doesn't know. I need to mail it to his work ASAP. Thanks for giving me courage. It's a risk I have to take. What's more important my career or my marriage anyway

Catwhit,

Are you still working on your marriage or did it end?

I agree. She doesn't want the dirty laundry exposed.

JessicaClaire,

Thanks for the information about Steve Harley. I definitely was encouraged after talking to him. My hard part is getting my WH to talk to him. Steve had me suggest that he call Steve, but so far my WH hasn't taken the bait. I'll try again tonight.

Courageous

I am so glad you are back and that your are still on board with MB.

There are several creative ways you can ensure that the OW BH gets the information package without risking any legal action like enlisting a friend to deliver it for you or getting her to send it recorded delivery for you.

The evidence you have (photos, emails etc) is very strong therefore IMO you don't have to deliver it yourself or talk to the BH and your edvidence will say it all proving you are not as crazy as the OW wants to make you out to be.

Best outcome of exposure is that the OW BH will get het to quit her job.

I was threatened with legal action by the OW uncle but he soon shut up when I pointed out all I did was tell the truth and you can't do anything legally to someone who is simply telling the facts of an event that has happened. I never heard from him again and I suspect you will not face any legal issues either as your not doing anything wrong.

Good girl! You have a distinct advantage, so don't allow skanky to intimidate you.

Still working, Courageous. WH finally dropped the Dolly... after had 2nd D-Day. They worked together, but had sworn to "business only" contact, after first D-Day. Then, my WH lied to my face daily for 5 months. This was an awful discovery for me. Healing will take much longer than if I had done nuclear exposure at D-Day 1, and insisted on immediate job transfer for WH.

This gives me hope! Thanks Catwhit!

Did he change jobs?

I have a friend who is willing to deliver the package to his work for me, but I'm thinking of mailing the package certified as opposed to having a friend deliver it since the last time I went to his work he obviously was there, but they told me he had already left for the day. His work is obviously on the lookout for anyone delivering a package. Also his work is in a town about an hour away from here and it's the type of business that they don't get alot of people stopping by so anyone dropping in could alert them.

I'm trying to figure out how to address the package. Should I address the package in his name with "C/O" his works name or should I not even put his name on the address? Of course there would have to be his name on the inside. I'm thinking of using a return address of my friend's address that is unknown to my WH.

Yes. He wanted to move from that job any way, so it wasn't difficult to convince him. And I had an ally in his new boss, to whom I exposed the A ( not hard for me because my WH had worked for him before.) But, it still took 5 months to effect the transfer, which kept getting dragged out.

Taffy (my WH) says now it was his intention to keep it "just business" after D-Day 1, until he could get transferred. His resolve lasted the week while we were still on vacation. First day he got back to work, his resistance crumbled. Convinced the Dolly the NC letter was me pressuring him.

Then, after we actually moved out of the country, 3000 miles away, he was initially relieved as he could put it all behind him and go NC with her, as he had been telling me. That lasted one day. Then he was right back to texting her, begging her to run away with him.

When I finally discovered it all (found the special account emails and texts, etc.), he was really relieved to finally have some accountability to end it and go through withdrawal. I did learn to be MUCH better at verifying, though...

So yes, there is hope. But be extra diligent about following the steps. The vets will not steer you wrong. Don't over think it. Just do whatever they tell you. Wish I had wised up earlier...

Thanks for the advice on not over thinking things which I have indeed been doing. I need to just do it and trust the vets.

My only problem with his changing jobs is that most days he really loves his job.

Thanks again for your encouragement. You have no idea how much it helps. This is so darn difficult. At least I'll be stronger when it's over.

I think at his job only his two immediate supervisors know. I'm thinking about exposing to some co-workers. Several of his co-workers are my clients. Any thoughts?


And, of course, I'll be mailing that package to the other BS in my fourth attempt.

That is only a problem if he won't leave the job. If he won't leave, that means he puts his career before your marriage and makes recovery impossible. He will have to find a job that complements his marriage if he wants to stay married.

What if you sent it certified/registered with just the company name and then inside put an envelope with the evidence with his name written across it with "personal and confidential."

Also on the workplace exposure, does someone higher up than their supervisors know about the affair? What about human resources?

I totally agree, he has to quit his job otherwise he is putting his career before our marriage. I guess deep down I'm afraid he'll pick his career instead of me. If that's the case he's not worth keeping anyway. It just makes me really sad.

I love your advice on how to address the package. I hadn't thought of that option. Thanks!

Yes, human resources knows. I went to them directly and had them get his immediate supervisor and her two immediate supervisors. I just wish more of his co-workers knew so he was more disgraced and embarrassed that a new job would be more appealing to get away from the embarrassment.

If he won't dump the job, it means he is not committed to the marriage. Better to find out sooner, if that's the case.

One thought: If he itemizes what he really loves about his job, it can help him focus on finding the next one....which could be even better....