For example, in my house there are 100% Republicans. So would it be smart to say "I am not seeing the statistic of 50/50 Democrat to Republican?" My home does not represent the nation, but only a small, unrepresentative sample; ie: anecdotal evidence. Surely you can see the difference?

Yes I do know the difference betweeen anecdotal and statistical.

Just saying of the first 10 marriages that came to my mind that I have personal knowledge of that failed due to infidelity, 8 waywards are still with their AP more than 2 years later.

Gotcha...

I came back just to read on this forum. I'm coming up on 2 years in less than a month. Its more than 2 years past the time he kept telling me he wanted to leave but that he would support me and the kids, and I didn't know why.

I just started a new job that's going to help with our finances. Its my first job actually in the health care field, which will really help me at graduation as I am in nursing school. I am looking forward to our future, but sometimes still feel haunted by the past.

I guess this is one of those days. My ex picked up the kids today. I put their coats on and sent them out with the bag and I stayed inside the house. Is that close enough to a Plan B?

Its pretty overwhelming to be a single mom to 4 kids. I have my calendar filled up with highlights on who needs to be where and when and whether the kids are going to after school care or whether I am picking them up.

WH really did lose his family when he left, and it hasn't gotten better. Their dad doesn't really come up around here, so I know he didn't hear it from me, but my 3 year old has recently learned the word 'hate.'

Today on the way out of the door to daddy's van my 3 year old resisted. "I hate daddy, I don't wanna go!" he said. I gave him a hug and said "I love you and I will miss you too, and I will be waiting until you come home in two days" and I bribed him with chocolate to head outside and I heard him talking on his way out the door, "I will come back... yeah.... I will come back..."

So sad. Sometimes the kids don't want to go, but they have to. Sadly I know ex thinks that I feed the kids all these ideas and that they don't come up with them on their own.

To update on this, I did find out she has been messaging me pretending to be him. One time I had to call and confirm something regarding the kids and he admitted it, and I said maybe it would be better if we just communicated over the phone when its necessary, which is barely ever, we got along fine in that conversation and everything was peachy.

The next day he tells me through text that he doesn't want to talk to me on the phone and we will either text or we will not speak.

Whatever. Its not like I am dying to talk to him either, but I hate it when she's sending me stupid messages like this:

me "I'll be at ds8's soccer game tomorrow, if you want to avoid taking a second trip to town I can take him then" (he had another event that night and I had offered to take him)

her, pretending to be him "okay my family will all be there"

me "your parents?"

her, pretending to be him, "no my family, [skanky] and the kids, not that its any of your business"

me "um ok..."

Next day at soccer game I exchange about 3 sentences with foghead. Foghead says "sorry don't know why she sent those messages"

o_O

Yes, I think I need to really think and revamp this communication thing. I thought texting was working when it comes to getting the kids where they need to be. He only sees them two weekends per month, never in between. That is the only time we communicate at all. But then I hate that he's telling me how and when I can communicate with him. Whaaaaat?

I shouldn't have asked "your parents?" that was my mistake. Live and learn...

Since you text, and talk on the phone with him, then no, you aren't in Plan B at all. Even if you see him at all, you wouldn't be considered in Plan B. ANY contact would be a breach in Plan B. It's really not the same thing to be doing what you are doing, and doing a proper Plan B.

Why aren't you in a full Plan B?

Why don't you have an IM?

After plan A I started a full plan B in april 2011 with an intermediary as my best friend but eventually I got to where I didn't want him back and my personal healing was good too so I started doing it myself. I think that started in winter 2011/2012. My friend is very busy as am I and sometimes I need to get a message to him near instantly when were trading kids. So the intermediary was a bit problematic. So I stopped plan B.

I have no regrets about the time I did spend in plan B because it was huge in my personal healing. The situation with him stopped affecting my day to day. I learned that I could be a mom to these kids on my own. I started to hear my own inner voice and not the voice of who he said I was and who he probably still thinks I am.

I have recommended it to friends that have encountered a similar break up.

Anyway that's how that happened... I'm not sure where to go from here.

Just reading farther back, I've come a long way... But I am still imperfect. This is one of those gifts that keeps on giving. What I like about this place is the practical btdt. I'm still treading new water with everything and I come here in my weakest moments when I revisit my feelings or confusion about things. Just keep trying I guess... Kind of sick of having to deal with him but that's the problem with having kids and events.

You could get an IM and enter a full Plan B again. You can make it work, but you would need to be willing to stick to it. It definitely helps in the Personal Recovery.

I've been reading through and I broke plan B monthly. I didbt remember how often it was, i stink. Sigh.

I'm going to have to think about this. I don't even know how I would go about this... I don't know who could intermediate or how it could be done. I need to figure out what the need to know information is and how it could be communicated in the best way for both kids and I.

My ex likes to give a lot of ultimatums like the one I mentioned "you text or we don't communicate" so I have to prepare for dealing with that too.

But, you wouldn't have to deal with any of that if you are in Plan B. All of his avenues of contact would be cut off. So if he wanted to get a message to you, he would HAVE to go through the IM.

There isn't a way to block text messages on my phone. He'd probably keep doing what he wants....

All phones/networks can block callers. In fact, I can do this right from my phone. So I am pretty positive you can too.

I think you need to figure out why you would rather make an excuse than do this.

You would simply change all of your contact information, and keep yourself hidden away, safely, and dark.

Since you are able to have your children go out on their own, you won't need to see him for exchanges, but I would highly recommend that you have some place else to exchange them, or have someone else do the exchanges for you, and you not be there.

It's not too late to start a true Plan B. Since you recommend it to people, you know that it has benefits, why not see them for yourself?

I guess I don't really see the point in a plan b, I'd love to lose contact with him but with kids I don't see how using a third party would help right now.

It would cost 5 dollars a month to block a phone number on an iPhone, and if I change my phone number if my son needed to contact him about an event he'd already get the number.

Yup I guess I don't see the benefit right now as long as we have to share kids.

Didn't you say this:


I guess we thought you were looking for solutions. Staying in contact with your XH keeps you enmeshed in the sick emotions associated with him and keeps you beaten down. Whereas, women who go into Plan B feel 1000% better by cutting off contact. They move onto a real recovery.

Do you think you might be addicted to him?

I will say this.....you have every right to do things the way you are currently doing them. You are choosing to directly communicate with him about kids.

It doesn't have to be done directly, but it is a conscious choice you are making.

That is okay.

Just know that if you ever choose to go to plan B for your own sanity......if you need it.....it CAN be done, an intermediary could be found to relay only important information about medical, educational, visitation schedules and you would get to be free of the nightmare known as ex. Kids could still have a relationship with him. It would be different but do-able.

I am thinking about this seriously. How do I find someone that would be willing to be an intermediary for me without thinking I am being ridiculous. How can I explain this?

I also just have to say, he buzzed my 3 and 4 year old boys' hair off again today. I hate it.