Gamma

These women have all been exposed to their spouses, fiances, boyfriends if they had them. Granted they were not perfect MB exposures, but I'm not sure what is gained by opening up ancient history and inviting them back into our lives.

I have no reason to believe H is in contact with any of them or to believe he has been since we've been back together.

Janna

Jessica

I dont. We have not yet changed all our phone numbers so contact is possible. OW will contact once I expose to her FB friends...of that I am sure.

My guess is this will also make her contact me on house phone, which is the only access she has to me.

I will not be here when it happens more than likely because I am going to my sisters to get all that done. I dont expect my H to resist answering a message from her about "What your crazy wife is doing now." Not sure I would be able to. He already is suspicious about what Im doing on the computer. Thats all.

Once this is done, going forward.....I do expect him to enforce no contact.
Janna

There is no particular reason other than its already a long message. I dont think my H secret life is as secret as he likes to think. In fact, I know its not. Im sure I will get a few responses telling me about all or some of it.

I guess I didnt think it was necessary and I dont want to look like a "crazy wife" making a lot of unsupported statements. I dunno. All of that is really irrelevant to her contact.

My thoughts regarding his family was that I would discuss this with the ones who contact me back.

What do others think I should say if anything about this?
Janna

So he gets a grace period before he has to have no contact?

Come on, now. Think about that. Until you're mad enough to kick his [censored] to the curb, he'll have no incentive to change.

It's going to have to come down to "You either do ___, ___ and ___ or I'm divorcing you. No second-chances, no get out of jail free cards. You're either in or you're out, because I'm done living with this kind of sh*t in my life."

What are your standards for being married to him?

Northwood

Thanks for the edits.

No...not a grace period. Maybe I am just confused. From what I have read about exposure I thought it was a good thing for them to have contact about the exposure because it would cause a lot of conflict between them.

Janna

Also.......we are not around any of these people anymore that her on her FB list. If theres no contact, it could take a long time for him to know I did this. I would rather it just be out and over with.

Janna

I thought you established NC? No contact means no contact.

Sure, if they are in contact it's good that it's full of conflict.

I'd, however, rather them not be in contact to begin with. Wouldn't you?

I wouldn't be afraid, Janna, to give him a swift kick in the [censored] with an "or else" statement following it. He believes that you're afraid of losing him and will be painfully slow to do anything if there are no consequences on the horizon.

I recently listened to a MB radio show in which Dr. Harley counseled the wife of a man who'd had 5 extramarital affairs. Because of the man's extensive history of adultery, Dr. Harley told the wife that as soon as her husband broke another EP, she should go straight into Plan B. Your husband has had twice as many affairs as that man, yet you are still minimizing and rationalizing every time he breaks the most basic EP (no contact).

Why don't you tell him that if he has any contact with her ever again--under any circumstance--you will move out and file for divorce? Then do it! IMO, the appropriate consequence of his repeated adultery is exposure of all 10 extramarital affairs and Plan B as soon as he breaks another EP. He is not a child. No more excuses.

Janabella means Jana is beautiful right? So why you let your H treat you so ugly? If he breaks NC Plan B. Get your plan b set up now. Your enabling him to treat you like crap. Stop it you don't deserve it.

OK.....to answer everyones questions.......

H doesnt think Im afraid of losing him...during a meltdown he had this weekend he said he was fighting every urge to run away(old habit of his when we have problems). He was curled up in bed and I said, "doesnt seem like you are in any shape to pack all your stuff and drive, do you want me to make you a cup of tea and pack all your stuff for you?"

Same thing last week after an argument, made all the "I'm leaving noises" and went out to his car. I continued eating breakfast. Few minutes, he came back in and said, "Youre supposed to come out and beg me to stay." I said, "Not happening ever again in your lifetime, do you want some more coffee."

I dont want him to leave, but Im not afraid of him leaving or of being alone.

I am adding this sentence to exposure...

"The last time I spoke to OW, she informed me she was "not like" the two OW she knew my H had an affair with before her. Contrary to her belief that she is something special to my H, she is one of 10 OW he has had A with 4 of them simultaneous to his A with her. The only way she is different is that she will not stop contacting him."........feel free to critique or edit.

H wrote and I mailed NC letter on Sunday. OW will prob not receive it for a day or two. It wont stop her anyway once the FB exposure hits.

I made clear to H last night that there is no acceptable reason for him to return any contact she makes. Outlined all the possible "hooks" and what he should do. Also, told him he would have to leave if he talks to her via any means including third parties.

I dont think I am minimizing or rationalizing. Most of this site is geared to dealing with an active A as opposed to resumed contact. I am simply confused about the order of steps I should take sometimes. Thanks to everyone for helping me clarify.

I think I covered everything. If not let me know.

Janna

Have you seen this?
False Recover- Need Voices of Experience

And this?
False Recovery

Here's a radio clip on multiple affairs.

Radio Clip on Multiple Affairs

Tell us what you think.

Brain Hurts

Thanks for the links. I will study them later..in the middle of FB exposure now. Major storm(weather wise) here prevented me from going to my sisters and she is intermittenly w/o power.

Anyway, H presence was requested by F to help him with something so I am working on it here and she is helping in between power outs. We both just got kicked off. Fifty out of eighty so far...thirty more to go.

OW has left 6 messages on H phone lol. She has not yet figured out home phone apparently, nor has she blocked FB....I'm guessing because its the only way she can think of to contact me.

Need help.......do I answer her?

First message:

What the hell are you doing? I told you last time I'm not trying to "hook up" with your H. Hes an old friend and I just called to check on him. Stop with the craziness.

Second message:

First you call my H now you are sending messages to my mother and sister? Youre insane. My mother is in her 80's and sick...shes beside herself.

Third message:

You Beotch......I'm reporting you to FB and you'll be lucky if I dont sue the Hell out of you. When is this ever going to stop with you.

Also, lots of other messages from other people....the only one I want to respond to right now is from someone saying she is telling people that H and I and her and her H were separated when they were "seeing" each other...i.e. it wasnt an A.

Thanks.

oh...I forgot this one:

Look what do you want. I told you Im not after your H. This needs to stop. Does H know youre doing this? You are making a fool out of him and yourself. Hes' going to be pissed. No wonder he calls me.

Janna

This is what I want to say.

What I want is for you to stay away from my H as you have already been told before. You are not friends. You are the skank he used to ****.

I warned you when you threatened me to "tell all my little friends" the "truth"......like you would have a clue what that is....that you didnt understand who you were dealing with.

Now all our friends little and big have been told the truth. I am simply removing that threat from your reperetoire.

As for you mother Im sure she more sick that her D is a lying cheating whore than the fact that I sent her a message. In any case, shes your problem not mine.

Report me to whomever you like. File suit, I look forward to your testimony under oath as well as that of XX, XX, XX, XX and XX, etc. It should be amusing.

Stay away from me and my H or you will be facing an RO.

Janna

Good job on getting the facebook exposure done.

1. Your husband's phone number needs to change today. He, really, shouldn't have the phone back at all until this happens and most certainly does not need to hear any of these messages from OW.

2. I wouldn't respond to OW or to anyone that responds negatively to your exposure.

This contact that he's having with OW must stop immediately. No exceptions.

That one, by the way, is pretty telling and my favorite. You, obviously, hit the mark.