MrWondering's advice makes an awful lot of sense to me.

In my case, I filed first and it gave me no practical advantage. In fact, it may have put me at a financial disadvantage because I had to pay my attorney to draw up all of the documents.

Please read this as Plan A for a BH.

GJM's Thread

Here's another good thread.
Guys. Come on. Assualt the Ambush

I would love to say or you won't have a di#k, though do not send anything that can be taken as a threat. Then the Puss ere I mean POSOM can use the cops to go after you.

Though I would send all of his co workers a copy of his post included in OM's work place exposure.

The way I understood it is painting a picture of what life would look like post divorce is a "stick", since most WS think that they will continue to cake eat after divorce is final, by having lovely family outings and a nice friendship with the betrayed spouse. The stick is exposure and the stick is I will not be your doormat anymore when it comes to wayward behaviour.

Dear POSOM,

Thanks so much for your quick response to my communication. There are still a few points I must clarify, however:

�"grow the **** up,� You seem to be misinformed. I am a grown man with a family. I�m sure you�ll understand if I summarily reject �maturity� advice from an entity that 1) recklessly pursues a known married woman, 2) hides from the consequences of his actions, and 3) communicates in such a vulgar, grammatically-deprived manner.

�You don't scare me at all.� My communications are not designed to invoke a fear of me. If you don�t have the mental acuity to fear the long-term consequences of your own actions, if you fail to fear the pain, confusion, and lingering emotional instability you�re bringing into your own life, then you simply don�t understand the situation you�re in. You shouldn�t fear me, you should fear your own lack of reason, respect, and judgment, and where these obvious character flaws will lead you.

�I will stop talking to her. But you are not the reason.� Thank you. This is the sole purpose of my communication with you. I expect you to cease all contact with my wife. I care not that I am �. . . not the reason.� Do it for WW. Do it for yourself. Do it for the simple fact that your previous contact with a married woman was wrong, and now that your contemptible behavior is exposed, breaking all contact with this married woman is to be expected from someone with an IQ that even marginally approaches triple digits.

�Now get off my di**." Sadly, it appears you�ve mistaken me for my wife. However, I can assure you we�ll both be staying off it. Forever. Bank on it, POSOM.

Sincerely,

FG

Thanks everyone for your great replies and support on this thread.

I don't think I will reply to OM's text. I see ZERO communication from him to her. She has no idea of the phone tracker and GPS in place. I have all fb and email passwords. She has already asked him to stop over a week ago and it looks like they are off. I realize that is for now and could change at any time. I think the work exposure threat really scared him. I keep that in my back pocket. The EA was only a two weeks and they only met that first night so there is hope that maybe they are over.

Now, I have a foggy wife that just want's nothing to do with me. Mr Wondering really hit the nail on the head when he described my WW and neglected and unloved. After reading the first 4 chapters of SAA last night it is so clear that I was Jon.

It's becoming more clear to me now, and if we cannot R it may be my greatest sorrow of my life. The guilt I feel now is just overwhelming. HOW could I take this most special person for granted like this? Why?? She was screaming in the inside and I was just to naive or proud to listen. This in no way justifies what she did. But I can understand why she is so afraid to want to try to make it work.

So still into plan A. Her stuff is all packed up. My question is how often should i be contacting her? Is a text in the AM OK? Is asking her how her day is going to much? Should I just give her space right now?

Have you told her this?

You are getting so much great advice and help FG.

Please stay alert and ready to easily pivot. Note the advice here will help you do so.

My basic point is not to get too glued down to your own present strategy and mislead yourself. Because your wayward wife is in a fog and likely believes she will enjoy cakewalking you for the long haul, you can be lead to believe your plan A is getting you somewhere now when you are just in the beginning stages.

From your posts here this is what is sending alarms:

1. She is sending mixed messages. She is being friendly towards you while sticking to her wayward plans. Don't get me wrong. I am glad she is noting and responding to your friendliness and attempts to show extraordinary care. This is exactly what you want her to do. Having your 'unconditional love' in her recent memory banks and knowing she is welcome back is good for now. (carrot)

2. Mainly my concern is what you are attempting to tell yourself about your 'stick.' I'm just saying your passive type stick where your wife is living at your in-laws may or may not be the 'stick' you imagined. This situation where she is a part-time single woman again, a Mom sometimes, and enjoying your care in her new edited wife role may have more benefits to her than you can imagine right now.

There have been many great suggestions thus far but you could likely really use guidance from Dr Harley or his coaching team.

It seems like a complacent approach with little fight to keep her at home. I too think this may come back to haunt you.

I hear your dose of reality plan but I'm not sure that your wife is going to react the way you are hoping. She is surrounded by enablers who will possibly only fuel her anger at her circumstances.

Have you done everything you can to keep her at home?

Yes your wife was neglected over a long period of time. I'm sure you were doing what a lot of men do and focus heavily on providing. I got this from your description of your very nice home environment. I'm sure she appreciates all the nice stuff. But all the nice stuff did not help her feel loved and cared for by you when not receiving time for UA and meeting her emotional needs.

Its this reasoning that has lead me to worry about you misleading yourself. You have to appreciate she is willing to give up all the nice stuff and maybe even her children and her own self respect (at some point) to be able to get out there and find love on her own terms.

Its going to take lots of time and extraordinary care to rebuild. It won't happen over night. It will take time for fog to lift. She may never feel remorse either. It takes a certain amount of humility to rebuild and recover. Facing yourself while facing your wife's pain is very very hard. Consider visiting your doctor. Some need antidepressants rx.

Yes, I told her these exact words last Saturday night and Wednesday night. She told me that she was glad to hear them. But it is to late.

I want her to stay home. But she already has everything packed up. Most everything is already in her car. She is going and nothing I can say will stop her.

Maybe the "stick" isn't the "stick" after all. Maybe this is just getting what she wants.

DEAD ON AGAIN!! I am taking xanax prescribed from my doctor since Monday. She did not know and must have seen my prescription last night when packing. As SOON as she closed the door in her room last night she goggled XANAX side effects on her phone. That made me think that she thinks I am doing these crazy things as a side effect to my meds.

Yes she has a nice smorgasbord to choose from. She is protecting herself from pain.
She does not want to have pain anymore. Lots and lots of so called good people will want to help her not have pain.

Should I email what I am feeling or hold off? I do not want to make it seem that I am feeling needy. It's not going to change her mind now.

Florida.
Please exercise.
Exercise kills depression and makes you more attractive to your wife.

Thanks Jedi. I have lost a ton of weight in the last weeks. Hitting the treadmill daily and it does help.

And when she leaves you will be home alone for a week.
You dont have control over her actions. But you do have control over your own actions.
How will you respond?
Will you get drunk?
Behave poorly?

Or will you respond in a healthy way?
What are your plans for the week?

If you're not involved with a church I would find one to go to.
Most have Wednesday night bible study and it's a good place to find moral support from good men.

Well Mom and Dad are flying in for a planned visit for the week. That may be why she needs to leave now. I don;t think that she wants to face them. I have the kids starting Sunday for the rest of the week.