With the way you have handled yourself so far, I highly doubt that you screwed up that letter...textbook Floridaguy textbook.

Skank neighbor is an anchor on your wife's foot. Seriously. Do whatever it takes to get rid of her. Do your wife's parents know that this "friend" is a toxic influence?

Skank neighbor...Do whatever it takes to get rid of her.

Is she literally your neighbor? In what kind of environment? Urban? Suburban? Rural?

The hardest part of Plan A is to do it with no expectations. When you expect a foggy wayward...and she must be foggy to do what she is doing...

when you expect a foggy wayward to respond in a certain positive way, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

Keep working the Plan and cleaning up your side of the street. That's the only thing you can control.

SN lives directly across the street. I live in a suburban planned community. On Thursday I went out to grab the mail and she came out the exact time to walk her dog. I had to force myself with all my strength not to freak out on her. I did not say a word neither did she.

I am still not sold on WW being in a "fog" but I am a newbie and you all know better than I.

I have been shopping all day today for fresh "swag" as suggested. From head to toe. New everything. It was great to actually buy a size smaller than normal from all the recent weight loss! Even bought cologne for the first time since I started dating WW. All new smelly soaps and lotions.

My WW always disliked our dining room set and I told her repeatedly to go out and get something that she wanted. She just never would do anything about it. Well, I placed the old set on Craigslist this AM (with WW's permission last week, we will split any proceeds) and Mom and I went and ordered a whole new set today.

I am having the classic Italian Sunday night dinner tonight. It will be interesting to see if WW hangs around or makes a quick exit. She is really tight with my family. I few of them have even texted her the last few weeks asking WW how she is and letting WW know that they still love her. Whole family will be here. Can't wait to see the boys!

Thanks everybody!

I want to thank everyone again for their great support and advice here these past few weeks.

We had a great family dinner tonight. My family was here and WW came at 6pm to drop off the kids. WW stayed for a little while and everyone was drinking wine and WW was conversing with my family and things felt good.

WW left and I checked her phone for what she was up to as I could tell that she was upset. She immediately called skank neighbor when she left the driveway. Skank neighbor did not pick up... So she texted OM "Hello :)"

Of course he replied back and said to please call him. I panicked... I called WW and she picked up while she was on the other line with OM. I asked her if she was OK as I knew she was upset when she left. She said it was hard but she was glad to see everybody. I again asked if she was OK and she said it was hard but she was fine. We hung up and she called OM right back...

After 4 days of no contact she went right back to OM. Meanwhile my whole family knew what was going on. And with their help I can now truly see that this is not the life that I want to live.

I decided right then and there that I cannot continue to torture myself and stare at her phone tracker for the next days/weeks/months while she continues this self destructive path with OM and skank neighbor. She is now their problem.

I know you will say this was a huge mistake but I called WW and told her that I knew she just called OM. And that she will have the divorce papers by the end of the week and just H/U. She will know about the phone tracker and uninstall but I don't care anymore.

I am done... I am officially moving on to "PLAN ME"! So, tomorrow I am going to sign the paperwork and move on to the next chapter in my life. And it really feels SO GOOD to have some clarity and direction. I will be a better person from this. This will not define me and I will just be the best damn DADDY that I can be!!

Funny that skank neighbor just texted her "Don't let it bother you. we will go out this week and have a fun time" WW is in such a dream world. Hope she like that air mattress!

Again, thank you all for your love, prayers, support and time but "Plan ME" has begun!

Slow down.
Plan Me isn't a plan.
There is a plan A or plan B.
Plan Me is what is referred to as plan C.

How can you be the best daddy if you aren't married?
If your wife gets the house and OM is the live in boyfriend?
It's possible.

I suggest that you don't talk to your wife anymore tonight.
Don't tell anyone about the phone software.
Sleep on this decision. Okay?

Most affairs die within 6 months of exposure.
I know it's tough.
But don't quit.
Fight the fight.
Can you give it 6 months of plan A for your kids sake?

Jedi: Plans A & B are for betrayed spouses who choose to recover their marriages after discovering infidelity. Choosing to end the marriage isn't "Plan Me" or "Plan C." Dr. Harley says a betrayed spouse has every right to end the marriage after discovering infidelity.

Jessica,

I'm aware of plan A and B.
And as a matter of fact Harley recommends plan B in post divorce cases so it's not always just affair recovery they are used for.

This poster wants to be a good father to his kids.

Wouldn't the logical choice be to try plan A for 6 months?
As a man the courts are already biased against him and the fact is he could end
Up being a weekend dad post divorce.

Florida can you hang in there for 6 months?
The odds are in your favor for the affair dying and marital recovery if you stick with the program

Thanks Jedi. The home is in my parents name. I pay the mortgage and bills but they bought the home 2 years ago as an investment when the real estate bubble burst. She has no ownership interest in the home per the lawyer. Thank God!

I am tying to slow down. My family is worried about me and I know that the best thing right now is to file and work on me and the boys. We had an intervention of sorts and I need to stop the craziness and let her go. This is just what she wanted the whole time.

Jedi and others, I can't thank you enough for your help through this. Thank you all again.

Florida.
You don't need an intervention.
Your wife wanted you to let her go because she is in the fog!

Have you read the book Surviving an Affair?
The book is base on a couple Dr Harley counseled, Jon and Sue. Sue had an affair and much like your wife, wanted Jon to let her go.
But Jon fought for their marriage and to this day, Sue is thankful that he did!

I had family members telling me to "listen to what ww wants" too
And these people don't know how to save marriages! They are trying to help but when you are in need of a transplant do you go to uncle Bob the welder or the doctor?

I think it would be a mistake for you to throw in the towel so soon after exposure.

You need to stay in the game so that at the end you can say, I did my best

Let me know if I can help?
Divorce is certainly an option.
Plan A the kids. Which means, protect them from contact with OM.
Talk to an attorney about this.

FG,

Slow down. You went from one exteme to the other all in one day. No matter what you decide, it is going to be a roller coaster ride but you do not need to decide the rest if your life tonight.

Yes, Dr. H does say that infidelity is a very valid reason to leave a marriage and you have every right, especially if your wife does not wish to end the A and get her head out of the fog....but slow down. Take one day at a time.

I agree with Jedi, PLAN ME is not the best route. Plan me leads to affairs ans selfish decisions. Also, I hope you are not planning on abandoning this site. You need this forum and MB more than ever now. Please stick around, keep reading ans writing. Take deep breaths, and SLOW DOWN.

Florida,
My wife had an affair and wanted out.
The man she chose to have an affair with tried to kill his own 3 year old daughter and went to prison for 9 years. He met my wife a few years after prison.
I filed for divorce and was awarded custody.
I was unable to plan A for very long because of child safety issues.

But I can tell you how divoRce benefits kids.
My youngest 6 year old cried every night for weeks.
My 8 year old cries in my arms sometimes and it's so sad.
The emotional turmoil of her affair and divorce impacted me and I am bankrupt and in foreclosure. But I will recover.

My children?? Well statistically they are much more likely to be wary of opposite sex relationships. Higher rate of divorce. Less successful. Those are the facts. We all like to think ourselves above statistics and I hope my kids will be.

Oh and if you think that remarriage to a better woman is the answer consider this: te odds are against you. 85% of those end in divorce.

There is a good book titled The Love They Lost, written for adult children of divorce. I encourage you to read it. Because your child may be one of the stories in there. See how divorce affects them
Into adulthood.

You've done a good job and I know that you can fight this fight for another 6 months. There are many men here with recovered marriages that can help coach you along.

Pepper! Tell me what to do here. How about file D and work on me? My Mom's first response when I told her about the comtact to OM was to "we need to talk to Pepper" !

Wow Jedi. I am sorry to hear about your situation. I feel guilty that I did not take the time to even try to understand what YOU were going through.

I am truly sorry for that.

I try not to tell people what to do. I prefer you tell me what your goals are, and then I can think about ways to reach your goals.

I have never been divorced.

What do you really want?

1. If you don't know yourself...take a night...day or a couple days to think about it [it's difficult to make critical life decisions while in crisis mode].

2. Don't make any more threats unless you are absolutely sure you are going to follow through with.

3. Cut yourself a break. You've never been in this situation before so nobody expects you to have all the answers and do everything perfectly all the time. You've done tremendous so far...you are actually way ahead of the curve.



Whatever is going to happen is going to happen. Your crisis tonight is partially due to expectations. You hoped the big family Italian dinner was going to help with a breakthrough and instead she broke no contact. Fact is...she's just as fogged out wayward right now as she was earlier today. Your marriage is still salvageable. Go to bed and sleep on it. Let's see how SHE reacts to your ultimatum [just tell us how she reacts don't try to interpret it].


W

FG, I'm sorry. When your copy of SAA arrives you will understand what JK is talking about. According to MB principles you should plan A your wife, if you want to recover the marriage. Apparently men have a much higher tolerance for plan A than women e.g Tranquil Dark. Yesterday was a bad day... but don't lose your cool just yet.

Intervention? What exactly was that?

File the divorce if you want to. You can still give her a way back to the marriage, by writing her a plan B letter of sorts, or asking her to have a meeting with you to solely discuss the direction of the marriage. Here is where you put all your cards on the table;

State that you are willing to work on your marriage and make it better than it ever was before, but she must end all contact with OM for life. She must give up SN as a friend, as you know she is an enemy to the marriage and she should move back home so that you can genuinely work on the marriage.


ETA: Then go back to plan A WITHOUT any expectations.


(I also deleted some a list I started about why contact resumed, but thought better of it.)

Have you seen this post?

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...e+lighthouse&Search=true#Post2591000