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Dog problem:
My thoughts (and this is totally my opinion not MB advice) are ......
Issue WW a single advisement. (I prefer the word advisement over the word warning)
Please be advised.
You need to collect your dog by tomorrow. If your dog is not in your custody by end of tomorrow, I will be forced to surrender your dog to the animal shelter.
Do this in writing. An email will suffice. NOT a text. CC your in-laws and your parents of your 'advisement'.
Do not give WW one week, one day only. Non emotional. Non confrontational.
Then, if WW or one of her 'agents' does not pick up her dog, you surrender her dog to the animal shelter the following day.
When the 'sheets' hit the fan about this, you 'broken record' her.
"This is your choice. Not mine. I will go along with your decision about your dog."
Don't say "the dog", always say "your dog".
Do not argue this point.
"What is your decision about your dog?"
It will make her crazy.
The shelter can be instructed to hold her dog for awhile, to give her time to do the right thing.
What happens to her dog is in her ball park.
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Pep -
Most shelters in the south have the right to euthanize a dog the same day if they're owner surrenders. That is one of the things you sign when you give the dog up. Also, rescues can take the dog out same day if it is an owner surrender.
Maybe pay 7 days of boarding? Or, see if you can get him in at a no kill shelter?
I have done animal rescue and transports for years out of the south.
Steph
Me: 30
Him: 39
Together 5 years
Married the very best man in the world 04/06/2013 after being common law for too long. I'm a lucky woman.
7 Cats - Viscount Ashley of Leftfield, Pawkie Petunia, The Timinator, Leo the Lionheart, Fruit Snack, Cloud, and Barret
And our very lucky pony, Starbucks
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I was thinking that doing this with the dog could help push WW out of IL's or help her ware out her welcome. Again, this dog is a pain in the A.
Last edited by Floridaguy; 03/04/13 02:44 PM.
ME: BS, 37
WW: 37
DS 7 DS 5
Married 11 Years
DDay 2/4/13 EA
ILYBINILWY; 2/6/13
Nuclear Expose:2/18/13
Currently in Plan A
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I disagree with the "come and get it, or else" approach because, if WW does not show up, that still puts the onus (in the eyes of the children) on FG to dispose of the pup. And it places an undue burden on the pound operators.
Drop the pup off, with instructions that if it isreturned to your house, you will THEN pound said doggie.
(At least I forwent the suggestion of overfeeding and laxative-ing the beast! I do have SOME heart!)
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OMG Pep... I could not do that. She would be put to sleep and I nor Mom could never live with that. As much as I want to get rid of the dog I would just assume keep her.
ME: BS, 37
WW: 37
DS 7 DS 5
Married 11 Years
DDay 2/4/13 EA
ILYBINILWY; 2/6/13
Nuclear Expose:2/18/13
Currently in Plan A
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OMG Pep... I could not do that. She would be put to sleep and I nor Mom could never live with that. As much as I want to get rid of the dog I would just assume keep her. 'OK. Then take her dog over to the in laws. Your plan is superior.
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I like the idea of leaving the dog on the IL's porch. The dog problem is the natural consequence of WW's actions, and the "stick" of Plan A requires you to let her suffer her own consequences.
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I had another question that needed help with. I purchased WW a dog 10 years ago when we were first married. This has always been my wife's dog. This dog is such a pain in the A. Now please know that this dog is being well cared for, but the dog is all stressed out because WW is not home. There is no way that I want to keep the dog and I have expressed this to WW. ( I am not a bad guy to you dog lovers out there, I just never liked her dog)
IL's do not care much the dog either and WW has stated that she cannot take the dog and it is now my problem. SN always watched the dog for us when we would take vacations or overnights to the beach. Now I need to find a kennel and pay for all care of the dog and it just seems way to unfair to me because this is not my dog!
So, MOM and I were thinking about just dropping off the dog at IL's, after verifying they were home of course, and putting the dog in their front screen room and ringing the bell and just leaving.
Any thoughts?? Please do not hate me dog lovers! I am just looking for a suggestion. Thanks. Dr. Harley has always maintained that you never stand in the way of the consequences of the A to the wayward spouse. You let them fall on their own sword�this takes many forms and can include dealing with animals. IMO, this dog situation is one for her to deal with and is a consequence of the A. When I caught my FWW, she had a cat that was similar to what you are saying. I didn�t give her a choice. I said you will be taking YOUR cat with you. That was the end of the discussion. Wasn�t my problem anymore.
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Yeah, I really don't think there's much to it. Drop the dog off.
Me BW: 30
WH: 33
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I contend that a WW has an �illusion� of what D will look like. Most of us here know the fog too well�They visualize ridding off into the sunset with their AP..see an amicable D, will still see their children regularly and the world would just be so much better out of this house and with my AP. Husband will deal with the dog..on and on..
I say Heck No. Wrong. It is up to us as BS�s to shatter that reality. Let them see what it will really look like by allowing the consequences of the A to fall fully on their shoulders. Of course we want to Plan A like a rock star but we must not stand in the way of them experiencing the consequences. Don�t want to remain married and work this out? Fine. Share custody of the children and remain friends after D? I say Heck No. Wrong. We will NOT be friends, I will go for 100% full custody and base my filing of D on the grounds of A.
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I like the drop the dog off at her new residence. It puts it in her court. It forces her to something, and it is not a direct ultimatum. They hate ultimatums.
My exWW left a cat and a dog i never wanted on my doorstep, (out of spite for the kids wanting to be with me not her). I was forced to deal with the situation immediately.
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Have you exposed POSOM? If not, then you are playing right into your WW plans. They plan to tell everyone that they met after you "separated." She will be welcomed with open arms by his family because they are none the wiser.
Target his parents first. What would your own mother say if she found out you were chasing around a married woman?
Not doing a full exposure including SN is a strategic mistake.
That is your strongest weapon in killing the fantasy world they are living in and the fog.
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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Do your kids love this dog? Animals are great healers to people in stress. Can you put up with the dog if that will help eliminate some of the stress for your kids?
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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WW just texted me her new phone #. Operation investigate phone is over. Still have email and fb passwords but this was a self inflicted strategic blow. I have lost the battle but not the war. I think...
Operation " mut move" begins at nightfall.
ME: BS, 37
WW: 37
DS 7 DS 5
Married 11 Years
DDay 2/4/13 EA
ILYBINILWY; 2/6/13
Nuclear Expose:2/18/13
Currently in Plan A
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Do your kids love this dog? Animals are great healers to people in stress. Can you put up with the dog if that will help eliminate some of the stress for your kids? Do your kids love this dog? Animals are great healers to people in stress. Can you put up with the dog if that will help eliminate some of the stress for your kids? The kids like the dog but they will get to see her at ww's house. What she does with the dog will be her decision.
ME: BS, 37
WW: 37
DS 7 DS 5
Married 11 Years
DDay 2/4/13 EA
ILYBINILWY; 2/6/13
Nuclear Expose:2/18/13
Currently in Plan A
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Good, FL. Put the dog in WW's hands. I love animals, but not at the expense of people.
As far as her new number goes...don't sweat it. It was an an error to reveal, but you have done more than some (most) do over months. You know she's in contact, so rest with that knowledge for now.
Keep posting here. You are doing GREAT, and I have very high hopes for you and your WW.
Many have said over and over that it is a rollercoaster. Don't take that lightly, OK? Post here when you want to throw in the towel as you will get hard-handed and caring redirection, pronto. Your family that is fighting for you M just grew to an army of brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, parents and even adult children...all right here.
Stay the course. You are doing GREAT.
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Also to FL's Mom... Hi Mom! Your son is doing great!!
Good things will come when one has a PLAN versus "hope".
"Hope is not a plan" never gets old.
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The kids like the dog but they will get to see her at ww's house. What she does with the dog will be her decision. When talking to your kids, always refer to it as Nonna and Pop Pop's house. Always refer to your own house as "HOME." Good luck with operation mut.
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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Yea keep it up to err is human.
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Thanks everyone. Operation "mut move" was a success. WW was not even home. FIL was sleeping on the chair. I opened the screen door and left the dog with some food, her leash, and some of WW's mail. I then texted WW that I left her some mail on the portch for her. I made sure to close the door all the way so dog is secure.
It was so nice to come home and open my front door and not hear barking waking up the whole house.
I also am feeling so much relief from not constantly checking WW's phone tracker every 5 mins. This is so much better for me right now. I will just work on being the lighthouse for me and my boys. If she happens to come out of the fog then maybe it will work out. Zero expectations!
ME: BS, 37
WW: 37
DS 7 DS 5
Married 11 Years
DDay 2/4/13 EA
ILYBINILWY; 2/6/13
Nuclear Expose:2/18/13
Currently in Plan A
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