My uncle was married for 16 years and has been divorced for about the last 5. His XW is still very close in WW's and My lives. Uncle and his EW have a son together age 12 and was being close to his was an important factor in deciding to move here to FL. I treat him more like a son than a cousin. Uncle's XW has always been very supportive and I believe is a positive influence in WW's life.

When WW left she first was staying at Uncle's XW's house. WW stayed there until she moved back home briefly before leaving for IL's.

After operation " mut moove" last night my Uncle received a call from his XW telling him that this was not a good idea and that I was further ruining my chances of R with WW. Uncle's XW was also concerned about how the boys where told of our separation. I texted Uncle's XW the following this AM because she speaks to WW daily.

To : Uncle's XW
Date : 03/05/2013 08:33:54 am
Hey [Uncle's XW]. I spoke to [uncle] and wanted to let you know that I have chosen to be completely honest with the boys. I will not be asked to lie to them. My family is on board with this also. When two people are married they do not have boyfriends or girlfriends. The boys need to see an example of how a MAN and husband acts. [ww] is setting her own example. I love them and do not want them to blame themselves in the future. I know you love us all and I greatly appreciate you being there for my family. And I will always be there for yours.

To ME from : Uncle's XW
Date : 03/05/2013 09:45:07 am
I understand you don't want to lie to the boys but you don't need to tell them details.

To : Uncle's XW
Date : 03/05/2013 09:53:09 am
Children as young as 4 are old enough to understand in an age appropriate way. I am simply stating the facts. Mommy wants to leave me for BF and break up the family. The details are the truth. I would never lie to them.

To : Uncle's XW
Date : 03/05/2013 09:58:11 am
I am always sure to tell them that I love mommy and I want mommy to with is here in our home as a family. I would never say anything negative or derogatory about [WW]. She will always be their mommy and she loves them very much.

To ME from : Uncle's XW
Date : 03/05/2013 10:00:14 am
She wants to leave for other reasons, not for a bf. I'm sorry this is happening.

To : Uncle's XW
Date : 03/05/2013 10:05:51 am
Me too. Wish she would just try everything to try to make it work. There is a path to work on US. I think the four of us are worth trying to work on things. Sadly she is so involved with [OM] and [Skank Neighbor] that this path is not possible. I understand this is partly my fault. I want to work on those issues and we could work on them together if she would just try.

To : Uncle's XW
Date : 03/05/2013 10:09:49 am
I realize that I can only work on me. I can't make her change how she feels about me. Our marriage is worth our very best effort. How can she expect to feel something for me again with another man in her life?

To : Uncle's XW
Date : 03/05/2013 10:22:28 am
I know she felt unloved and neglected for so long. That is the greatest sorrow of my life. How could I have done that to my best friend and wife? I can be the person she once loved again. And after feeling unloved and hurt for so long that she is just numbed from the pain. She tells herself that it is over. I can be that man again. If she would give us just one chance.

To : Uncle's XW
Date : 03/05/2013 10:24:40 am
Thanks again for listening

To YOU from : Uncle's XW
Date : 03/05/2013 10:46:18 am
She really doesn't want to be involved with [OM], they just talk, he listens and gives her a man's point of view, If you want a women's point of view we can talk later, I am Here to to listen. Love ya

To : Uncle's XW
Date : 03/05/2013 10:50:52 am
I would like that. I am just trying to work on myself and be the best dad I can. Maybe [WW] will see that someday. Love ya.


My whole family is to go to one of our favorite restaurants tonight for a nice dinner. Yesterday I booked our oldest son's 7th birthday party. WW was supposed to get the invitations last weekend but only thinks of herself these days and I was not going to watch his Bday go by without a party! I texted to WW:



To : WW
Date : 03/05/2013 10:31:58 am
Booked bowling for [son's] party. Sat 3/23. @ 1. Invites given to [teacher] this am.

To ME from : WW
Date : 03/05/2013 11:04:25 am
Great..thanks.

To : WW
Date : 03/05/2013 11:07:03 am
I have an invitation for you :-)

To : WW
Date : 03/05/2013 12:27:34 pm
[favorite restaurant] tonight. Welcome to join.

To ME from : Dad
Date : 03/05/2013 12:53:27 pm
Locks are changed:)


To ME from : WW
Date : 03/05/2013 01:07:00 pm
Let me know what time

When committed to employing your forces, feign inactivity.
When your objective is nearby, make it appear distant; when distant, create the illusion of being nearby.
Display profits to entice them.
Create disorder in their forces and take them.
If they are substantial, prepare for them.

To : WW
Date : 03/05/2013 01:10:38 pm
Have one person coming at 7:30 to look at furniture. Then a second person now just emailed that she wants to come at 6. Nightmare. I can let you know later.

To ME from : WW
Date : 03/05/2013 01:11:13 pm
K


If this is to much detail let me know... I don't want to post everything on here but I tend to make mistakes so am afraid to repeat poor decisions! Am I rewarding her bad behavior by inviting her to join? Am I just enabling her to be a cake eater??

WW never said yes. She just wanted to know what time we were going to dinner! She may be just planning to drop off dog when we are gone! I smell a sneak attack!

Good thing locks are changed and garage doors disabled...

You\re in Plan A, so for now, you will invite her to things, and when she turns you down, you will still do whatever it is that you suggested.

Have you read the threads of the other BHs whom have done Plan A before you? You can get a lot of good ideas on what to do, and not to do during Plan A.

In your texts with your uncle's EW, I noticed something, and I would like to remind you of it. You need to watch YOUR opposite sex friendships. And that is with ANYONE, even this "aunt". You are at your highest risk of having an affair yourself. Keep your boundaries HIGH.

Why not try for full custody of the kids? Waywards make horrible parents.

Have you exposed to everyone on WW's and your side? And how is exposure coming on OM?

Thanks Scotland. You are right this is a major part of Plan A. I need to make deposits. Yes all WW's friends and family have been exposed. I re-exposed to IL's again yesterday. All OM's fb contact have been exposed. Included mom and brother.

As far as Uncle's XW not an issue. But I will heed you advice.

The custody issue still lingers. If WW brings up the divorce threat I last made when we spoke i will simply tell her "that I was instructed not to talk about it."

Don't you just love this ancient wisdom!


Invite her. That is Plan A ~ carrot.
Disable her disruption of your home (the locks) that is Plan A ~ stick.



You're really 'getting the hang of this'.

Not only are you demonstrating an understanding of Sun-Tsu, FG, but your "attack" on WW's indirect supports - calm treatment of Uncle's xW, and "doggie" dumped in IL's lap - shows kinship with the principles espoused by B.H.L. Hart in his Strategy.

Is the b-day party a surprise? If not, make sure the birthday boy also asks Mommy to attend!

Now, you mentioned in answer to my question, that you lived in a suburban development of some kind. Is that arrangement complete with a home-owner's association, and accompanying restrictive residency rules?

I have some typically nasty ideass on tactics to ruin the life of skanky-enabling neighbor, but they won't work well with an interfering HOA.

Read this thread for a preview of my thoughts!

Here is where you went wrong. You should of told UXW a woman does not need a man's point of view. That men do not need a womans point of view. What is right is right, what is wrong is wrong.

WW has problems then WW needs a professional counselor, not a boy friend.

That is just standard WW justifying her seeing the OM by spining and lying trying to mask and hide her affair. Love you back.

Was UXW a WW?

I am now wondering if you are inadvertently cooperating with WW ways and making it easy for her to get the boys and take them to IL? Does she enter the home and pack up their things? Or do you have to pack up their stuff for their visit to Grandparents home?

What about not lifting a finger to help when she want to remove the boys. I know you have sort of agreed to separate days, but what about her providing for them all the way at IL house if that is what she is going to do. I don't mean to make it +++ tough on kids.

But why shouldn't their real home environment be left intact when she takes them so their stuff is not also divided between? Have them ready in the front of the house w/only clothes on their back. Explain Mommy will provide their stuff. She would need to fully provide their needs for them when with her. If they have a special toy they want to bring-- rather she would need to provide this herself (a duplicate) if necessary and not you.

I don't know, maybe this sort of thing is only managed if out of plan A and into plan B or D. I'm sure others here will have better understanding. Just thought it might be another stick for plan A as we are discussing.

Floridaguys Mom says Amen to this. He sent this to UXW. He is having Family dinner with boys and WW tonight.

Your uncle's Ex.... her "woman's point of view" already vaguely appears to be "an unrepentant wayward woman's point of view."\

I hears a bunch of wierd crap from my mother and sister justifying infidelity... I don't talk with them about marriage anymore...

You should (have) told UXW a woman does not need a man's point of view. That men do not need a woman's point of view. What is right is right, what is wrong is wrong.

THINKING what TR suggested was absolutely correct. TELLING her was a strategic error. You need to chip away at WW's support system. Telling UXW (figuratively), "You're full of crap!" drives her even more into the realm of the much-to-be-dreaded "bond of sisterhood". She will more than ever support WW, as, after all, you disagreed with her (UXW) so how can you be correct on any matter?

Damn, can't do nothing right. You are right. Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.

How about a call to UXW tomorrow to smooth things over?

So dinner went OK. My parents decided not to go as they were tired from their day at the beach. It was just me, WW and the boys. WW was very super focused on the boys. It seemed as if she was trying to ignore me and just kept her focus on them like I was not even there.

I was trying to engage the boys also but she was just in hyper mommy mode. We exchanged some chit chat by the end of the meal. I made no busters or deposits. Nothing expected either.

Still no mention of operation "mut move" from WW.

As we were walking out to the car she seemed more relaxed. Asked if I would have the boys call her when putting to bed. I agreed.

Not much else to report but maybe this was a small ice breaker from the stress from the last couple days.

Do I keep inviting her to join in these family activities? Like everyday or once a week?

[quote=graceful2b]

Thanks G2b. Being so new there has not been a history of exchange rules set. I will be dropping off Sunday night with the clothes on their back and their book bags for school. She can get the rest.

Yes. In plan A you invite her all the time.
Any opportunity you can have you use to make
Love bank deposits.

I dont know if the mut move was a plan a operation.

In plan A you want to make as many love bank deposits as possible while avoiding withdrawals.

So invite her everywhere. Dress good. Personally I dressed like a slob my whole life and didn't even know until I read the Art of Manliness.
Make sure you dress well, wear cologne and clean shaven.

Workout.
Avoid excess alcohol and be to bed on time.
Be as attractive as possible to her.

I would not help exchange the boys at all.
If her wicked heart wants to tear your family apart then she can go the extra mile.
Hopefully they cry and scream the whole time they are at your in laws house

FG,

I've had a busy couple of days (apparently so have you) and just caught up on your post. I am so intrigued by you and your actions. It is okay to make mistakes, you are still learning and will learn from your mistakes.

Just wanted to let you know I think you are doing great and have hope that your wife will "defog" in the near future.

Thanks Jedi. I was dripping in new swag from head to toe at dinner tonight. Best I have looked since I married WW. WW totally was checking out my new shoes. Saw her do a double take. I was smellin' sweet too. Felt good..

I don't know if the mutt move was a plan a operation.

Wise old Zen Master say: In Plan A, all carrot and no stick makes the WS a fat [censored] donkey.

The mutt move was consistent with letting the consequences of the dung-tornado land on the WS. It was VERY Plan A.

Nothing to smooth over here. This POSXUW is not a friend of the marriage but a toxic friend of the marriage.

POSXUW fully supports affairs.

POSUXW is only being nice to you to get you to drink the Kool Aid.

POSUXW is trying to sell you and all of your exposure targets that POSOM is "just a friend"

You know what they say: you can pick your nose, but you can not pick your relatives.

POSUXW is a Trojan Horse, a 5th columnist, an opperative for the Dark Side.

POSUXW has nothing to offer you in any way as an alliance.

POSUXW has partnered up with the Axis Powers.