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What's your point, PF?
Are you suggesting that FG's ILs are innocent bystanders? Are you implying that either the children or the family finances have been negatively affected by his actions?
Seriously, I'm confused! Her point is that we are, perhaps, letting the battle become about a dog versus a battle for his marriage. She's bringing us all back around to the war at hand instead of getting sidetracked by the battle of the bark. wayward wife likes the battle of the bark...because she can make floridaguy look and sound like a vindictive jerk. Moving beyond it to more important battles might be prudent. Mr. W
Last edited by MrWondering; 03/07/13 11:28 AM. Reason: pronouns
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Just get the over arching message across that you love and care for your wife and want to recover your marriage and know this can happen. You are very excited there is you a terrific plan to allow both you and your wife to fully negotiate a renewed and passionate marriage that meets both wife and your important emotional needs which you mistakenly neglected.
Ya don't want to allow this to become 'the war of the roses' and win the battles and lose the war. Ya don't want IL to gain traction and gaslight you along with wife and aide in any false impressions. They have decided divorce is imminent and you are the trouble maker that is making a bad situation even worse. This MIL doggy thing ---MIL sees dog as a problem associated via her daughters gaslighting w/you. She likely does not want to admit her own daughter's boomeranging is also trouble for her too, but likely associates her daughters trouble to you rather then her new lifestyle. They do not see any hope in their fog perspectives. Message to MIL: her daughters life style is causing trouble for all.
BW 58
WH 61
married 35 years
2 adult children
2 grandchildren
"Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one...It will not be broken, it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable...The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from dangers and perturbations of love is Hell" c.s. lewis
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OK, can anybody help with a reply email that will get this message across or do not respond??
ME: BS, 37
WW: 37
DS 7 DS 5
Married 11 Years
DDay 2/4/13 EA
ILYBINILWY; 2/6/13
Nuclear Expose:2/18/13
Currently in Plan A
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What's your point, PF?
Are you suggesting that FG's ILs are innocent bystanders? Are you implying that either the children or the family finances have been negatively affected by his actions?
Seriously, I'm confused! I was referring to his kids. The IL's are jerks.
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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What's your point, PF?
Are you suggesting that FG's ILs are innocent bystanders? Are you implying that either the children or the family finances have been negatively affected by his actions?
Seriously, I'm confused! Her point is that we are, perhaps, letting the battle become about a dog versus a battle for his marriage. She's bringing us all back around to the war at hand instead of getting sidetracked by the battle of the bark. wayward wife likes the battle of the bark...because she can make floridaguy look and sound like a vindictive jerk. Moving beyond it to more important battles might be prudent. Mr. W Thank you Mr W. This is turning into War of the Roses
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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OK, can anybody help with a reply email that will get this message across or do not respond?? I think the consensus says to not respond. I would agree with that.
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I received this email from MIL this AM. Have not responded.
I just wanted to let you know that if you or your Father don't come pick up [dog] by noon today, I am calling the sheriff's office. �I want to ask them if it is legal in Florida for someone to come onto my husband's and my property after dark and leave an animal on my porch without my knowledge or permission. �
I get it that this is something that you imagined you were doing to [WW] but this is not [WW's] property. �It is my husband's and mine. � Actually...pitting your wife against her parents might be interesting. Don't do this unless others think it's a good idea (I'm a crazy one coming up with all sorts of passive aggressive responses when "no response" is usually the most prudent)... "MIL, I had the dog delivered to WW as a I promised I would. If you have a problem with that you need to speak to her about it. [again implying SHE, a known liar, requested the dog and is now trying to make you the bad guy here]. The sheriff is not going to charge a dog with trespassing but next time I have a dog delivered to your property I'll just have them stake him on a chain on the front lawn and hope the alligators don't get him. Then again, you MAY have an animal control problem with an unlicensed dog. They can be reached at XXX-XXX-XXXX. *btw...they don't know who, between your father, a stranger or you actually delivered the dog and opened their screen door. It'll be tough to ticket anyone without a specific identification of the "intruder". Another possible response... Write to your FIL... I got this message from MIL this morning. [quote MIL message] You know about this???? Wow...this is what it's coming to? I give her her dog as promised what was I supposed to do...have them stake him on a chain in the yard and hope the Alligators didn't get him. Listen. On XX/XX/XXXX [wedding date] you and MIL gave your daughter to me freely and of your own will. There are no take backs. (lol). I could understand you helping her out if we were actually divorced but as it stands right now she is still my wife and I feel that you and MIL taking her in, giving her money and babysitting the kids during her visitation is enabling this situation to progress to the point where it's enabling and now I'm getting threatening letters from your wife. I understand very much that you are confused about what the right thing to do in this situation is. I'm sure you want to help your daughter as best you can but I submit that the best way to help her MAY BE to tell her to stop her affair with OM and demand she go home and work on things with her husband. That you and your wife aren't going to condone her carousing about town partying and chatting it up with OM. Consider that your grandchildren are looking to you for help saving their family. You two are making it far to easy for her to abandon us. I'm a good man and I've been a decent husband and son-in-law. Nobody's perfect but I don't deserve this and neither do your grandchildren. At this point, our marriage appears repairable but with your help/interference that may not be the case much longer. Please respect my wishes and send my wife home. Respectfully, FloridaGuy I like the idea. However I can confidently say that Dr Harley would not support this. The Bible says Thou shalt not lie. So be honest in all that you do and live the good life. Be honest enough so that you can take a lie detector and prove your honesty.
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I received this email from MIL this AM. Have not responded.
I just wanted to let you know that if you or your Father don't come pick up [dog] by noon today, I am calling the sheriff's office. �I want to ask them if it is legal in Florida for someone to come onto my husband's and my property after dark and leave an animal on my porch without my knowledge or permission. �
I get it that this is something that you imagined you were doing to [WW] but this is not [WW's] property. �It is my husband's and mine. � Don't respond. They are going to call to ASK a question. So what?
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A clear honest statement when asked may be: Since you have chosen to have an affair and break up our family I no longer want to feed and shelter your dog.
When you choose to leave our home you are choosing to take your dog with you
I am willing to work with you to create a loving healthy marriage where both of our needs are met.
Until you are willing to end your affair I must focus on caring for the children and myself.
Last edited by Jedi_Knight; 03/07/13 11:54 AM. Reason: Spelling
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I am sticking to not replying. This will blow over like exposure, kids talk, etc.
I will just keep in Plan A and keep my home/me as the Lighthouse. She can come home and R at her choice.
Last edited by Floridaguy; 03/07/13 11:54 AM.
ME: BS, 37
WW: 37
DS 7 DS 5
Married 11 Years
DDay 2/4/13 EA
ILYBINILWY; 2/6/13
Nuclear Expose:2/18/13
Currently in Plan A
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Then play off like women are nuts "first she wants her dog...now she doesn't". This is craziness (implying your wife requested the dog and now she's acting like she doesn't want it because the IL's don't like it). Make it appear wife is pulling a fast one on Sheriff and her parents. "I brought my wife her dog as promised and she wasn't there so I left it for her on the porch. What was I supposed to do [frustrated husband look]???? The mind-meld of Mr W and Mrs Pep.
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Alright get your 2X4's out. I replied. Could not resist. Here it is. SORRY EVERYBODY!!
Hello Mom,
Please know that I love and care for WW and want to recover our marriage and know this can happen. There is a path to allow both WW and I to fully negotiate a renewed and passionate marriage that meets both WW's and my important emotional needs which I have mistakenly neglected. I love both You and Dad and do not want to hurt anyone or destroy my family.
Love,
ME
ME: BS, 37
WW: 37
DS 7 DS 5
Married 11 Years
DDay 2/4/13 EA
ILYBINILWY; 2/6/13
Nuclear Expose:2/18/13
Currently in Plan A
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OK. Remember, every word/action is strategic. What is/was your goal? What results might you anticipate? You are going to have to tell us your strategic thinking behind this. "Could not resist" does not count.
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What is/was your goal? What results might you anticipate? 1)I was trying to move the discussion from the dog to our marriage. And offer a solution that WW working on the marriage would/could eliminate their problem of the dog. " The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting." 2) I expect they will do nothing BUT will show WW my email. I responded in a caring and positive manner. I was in control and not displaying acts of craziness.
ME: BS, 37
WW: 37
DS 7 DS 5
Married 11 Years
DDay 2/4/13 EA
ILYBINILWY; 2/6/13
Nuclear Expose:2/18/13
Currently in Plan A
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"I could not resist" ...... One of my (our) big pains in our butt currently is a re-model situation where we are having to sue our wayward contractor. Wayward in his marriage (!) as well as with our project. We have found it necessary to hire someone else ($$$) to come in and re-do his mistakes (lazy short cuts) or else we cannot pass final inspection. I am fuming.  I am by nature pretty calm. I feel betrayed. I was taken advantage of during my illness/surgeries.  I was talking about getting a "baseball bat" and doing some "self help". Really. I was going to get in my car and do damage. My husband said, "Let's go for a walk." So, we did. We took about an hour walk and my madness passed. Please, before sending anything out when you "cannot resist", take a time out. Think.
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1)I was trying to move the discussion from the dog to our marriage. And offer a solution that WW working on the marriage would/could eliminate their problem of the dog.
"The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting."
2) I expect they will do nothing BUT will show WW my email. I responded in a caring and positive manner. I was in control and not displaying acts of craziness. Cool beans.
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Pepp. I understand. I am still not able to fully keep control of my reactions/emotions and need to work on that. AGAIN. 
ME: BS, 37
WW: 37
DS 7 DS 5
Married 11 Years
DDay 2/4/13 EA
ILYBINILWY; 2/6/13
Nuclear Expose:2/18/13
Currently in Plan A
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Pepp. I understand. I am still not able to fully keep control of my reactions/emotions and need to work on that. AGAIN. Me too!!!!!! No one is ever completely in control of these things. Stop banging your head. You're doing great.
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Just got text from WW:
To YOU from : [WW]
Date : 03/07/2013 01:30:01 pm
Either you, your mom or your dad needs to go pick up [dog] today. My parents do not want her in their house and are beyond pissed off that you dropped her there. My mom emailed you this morning to let you know this.
Last edited by Floridaguy; 03/07/13 01:35 PM.
ME: BS, 37
WW: 37
DS 7 DS 5
Married 11 Years
DDay 2/4/13 EA
ILYBINILWY; 2/6/13
Nuclear Expose:2/18/13
Currently in Plan A
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Posts: 35,996
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Just got text from WW:
To YOU from : [WW]
Date : 03/07/2013 01:30:01 pm
Either you, your mom or your dad needs to go pick up [dog] today. My parents do not want her in their house and are beyond pissed off that you dropped her there. My mom emailed you this morning to let you know this.  The stick is not pleasant. *snicker* HER dog. Her problem. Aren't you very busy today? What are you busy doing?
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