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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066 |
LOL, I had lists too! I had to move out of the house with the 4 kids so my lists included what had to be turned off at old house, what had to be turned on at new house. I had a list for the lawyer and then my favorite was my shopping list for my new place. I did a lot of journaling as well.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I keep thinking that I'm making a mistake by going into Plan B in a week and filing either divorce or separation papers. Here are my reasons. I am confused! All of these are reasons why you SHOULD go into Plan B!  He has never actually said the words "I'm sorry" buy did so very nicely in a card that seemed very remorseful. He said once that it wasn't my fault and that he screwed up. He has not acted remorseful since then.
He refuses to change jobs.
He refuses to do no contact letter after several requests. He says letter is not needed because it's over and that they are banned from working together after my workplace exposure. Also he doesn't want to get her all fired up, blah blah blah.
He refuses to go to counseling even though he says he wants to work on the marriage.
I've caught him in numerous lies since DD.
He says he will never give me details of the affair even though I tell him I need it to heal.
He has broken no contact pledge twice since discovery on 11/13/12.
I've done a fairly good Plan A but I just can't take the pain anymore. Help please, is it going to be ok?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650
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Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650 |
Don't get cold feet! You have a plan follow through. He will say and do anything to continue his cake eating. Unless he agrees to a marriage program of your choosing and write a NC letter you can bet your bottom dollar the affair is still on just underground. My WW said the same things. "I let him go cause he's a nice guy and doesn't deserve this drama in his life." Yet, she refused to do the NC letter. Now she has moved out (my behest) and continues her affair! One thing about affairs the faces and names are different but the behavior is ALWAYS the same. Please read other threads and you will see the similarities.
Last edited by TranquilDark; 02/01/13 12:21 PM.
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Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 114
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OP
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Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 114 |
It's been awhile since I've posted so I wanted to give you an update. I've been very busy at work.
I didn't have to go into Plan B. The full blown exposure and threat of divorce finally got him out of the fog. I had him actually sit down to fill out divorce papers, I called back my divorce attorney right in front of him and I opened up separate bank accounts. I think he thought I was bluffing. Boy, was that really hard to do.
God has given me such comfort and strength during this trying time. I couldn't have done it without Him. We are now in recovery. WS and myself are now both in counseling with Steve Harley from MB. Steve is just wonderful and helping so very much.
Our marriage is seeing great improvement and we're both very hopeful we can make it through this time. It's so nice to have my WS back out of the fog.
Thank you to everyone here who helped me gain the courage to expose and offered great advice.
If I post again I need to start a new thread in the Recovery Forum is that correct?
Me: BS
DH: WS
Married 20 years no children
DD: Nov 2012
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066 |
This is great news, Courageous and I'm so glad that you are coaching with Steve. He's wonderful! You can start a new thread in Recovery, if you would like. It's not mandatory though 
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Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650
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Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650 |
That is awesome news! I'm really glad that your fight against adultery was successful! May God bless you with a splendid recovery!
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4 |
I'm glad you're coaching with Steve.
What EPs have your WH put in place?
Did he quit his job?
Have ALL conditions that allowed his affair been eliminated?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4 |
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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