If the account is in your name only, and she is just an authorized user, then you could just have the account frozen and have her removed. However, if it's joint, you definitely may want to cancel it. That high limit could quickly turn into a high balance in situations like these.

We're here for you when you drop the exposure bomb tomorrow. Good job and be prepared for her to be mad.

Stay calm when she becomes crazy.

Just finished with the main bomb dropping. Still have to work on older affair. I am exhausted and shaking. Now I have to get my daughter and tell her. :-(

You're doing well.

How did it go with DD?

My daughter handled it better than I thought, not sure she fully understands. I followed the MB guidelines on what to tell children. I also talked to the school principal in confidence so that she could advise the teacher for some leniency in case things get inconsistent for a while with my daughter.

I am confused by my WS's response. I expected anger, craziness, something more extreme. However she was mostly sad that it came to this. As expected she is hung up on the fact that I told "the whole world" and of course said after our 13th anniversary last weekend, that she had decided to work on the marriage and thought things were going well. Then I did this. She said she was willing to work on it if only very close friends knew, but now it is over. The marriage will never work. She stayed calm. I responded per MB guidelines that I still thought there was hope to save our marriage. Mostly she avoided me and didn't acknowledge me.

The strange thing was that she took care of my laundry, which she almost never does. Also, she had the kids help her cook dinner, and then even served me a plate. While she cooked with the kids, I cleaned out the dishwasher and straightened up some things in the house, as my effort to remain pleasant.

Some of the good friends that I told wanted to see her, so they set up a dinner and she went out. These are trusted friends who have been aware of our situation for a while. Other good friends have said they will try to talk to her too.

Everything she said is pretty much a textbook reaction to exposure.

"I was going to work on it but not now!"

Just ignore it and keep up your Plan A effort.

Sounds pretty normal.

Should I expect her to come to me to talk about our marriage? How long should I wait? Right now I am just staying calm and pleasant. But I almost get the feeling that she might treat it as she usually does problems or stressful situations... just ignore it.

Most of her family and some friends have tried to contact her, but she is avoiding talking with them. Her family has been very helpful to me. They have good values and want to see us repair our relationship and keep our family whole. The problem is they don't live nearby, so they can only call and send emails to my WW. She has only been open to talk with one friend and her niece. Although, last night her brother called and I answered. I gave her the phone and didn't tell her who it was, so she ended out talking with him and his wife. They said good things and talked to me too. Right now I'm telling them to just send her emails because she will read them.

So far I haven't seen any response from the OMs or there friends. I don't know if she is still in contact with the OM, but I haven't seen any signs.

Did you read my post on Exposure 101 called "the aftermath?" That is where I would go. Since she has told you it is over, ask her when she will be moving out. Segue into a conversation about your conditions for recovery. If you don't lead your marriage in a different direction, I assure you that your wife will have another affair.

A serial cheater is not someone who just happens into an affair. They are someone is actively looking for it. That seems like her MO.

Did you live together before marriage? How would you describe her worldview since it seems she believes she is entitled to have affairs?

I tried what you said. I asked her what she will do. The answer is always "I don't know". Then I started talking about the steps necessary for recovery. No contact letter, honesty about the affairs, transparency, etc. Then she got annoyed and said it's impossible to talk to me. So I told her I'm trying to fight for our marriage and keep our family whole, and I thought there is hope to repair things and build a strong love again. She said it's impossible and it's over. So I tell her she should move out if she wasn't interested in fighting for family. She refuses and now says I should move out. Is it time for me to get a lawyer and file lest I lose my kids? It seems the only way she may learn what she has is by not having it. Its it time for plan B?

You're doing good.
Remember that she is in the fog so she isn't speaking logically.
Dr Harley defined the fog as irrational thinking.

You are only a few days after exposure.
You should remain in Plan A.

This is definitly the fog that she is in. Be strong, speak clearly, gently and firmly to her. Set your boundaries and stick to them. It could/will get worse before it gets better. Remember, you are fighting to save your marriage and you have to fight the right battles and leave the others behind.

Listen to the advice that you are getting from the vets here. They will help you clear your fog and think/act clearly and see which battles should be fought.

Men Do Not Leave Your Home

king, I would consult an attorney and file for divorce. The reason I say this is because your wife is a serial cheater. This is obviously a way of life for her and it is only a matter of time until she has another affair. I think she likes the benefits of being married while she runs around. I don't think she believes you will ever take steps to stop her.

Is your state a grounds state?

Melody, answering your questions:

We live in California, a no-fault state.

We did not live together before we were married. She went directly from living with her parents (in South America) to living with me. She was 22 years old when we married. She is the youngest of 8 children. Their family financial status was lower middle class.

Now the following is my opinion... When we married she was shy, conservative, somewhat gullible. At the time, the only negative for me was that I thought she had an unhealthy interest in the lives of celebrities, but I thought she would eventually outgrow it. Especially of late, she seems to have a fantasy view of life based on what she sees on TV and reads in magazines, and on her on desire to just want to go out and have fun. She is much more self-centered and is also very preoccupied with looks. She is frustrated that all she had done the last 7 years is be a stay at home mom and hasn't made any achievements (I would think raising your kids to be good people would be an achievement). The problem is she never really committed to being a mom and making the best of it (she would be a lot happier if she didn't resist it). And then later, she abandoned her decision to love and work things out with me. She thinks she missed out on life by never living on her own. Her 2 biggest Love-Busters for me have been independent behavior and dishonesty. I'm sure every figured that already.

I think I should give it a little more time before I jump on the legal bandwagon. She has shown interest to want to have a happy family, but right now she resents me so much for telling the "whole world"... it seems she wants an apology from me... HA, no way. She says some of her female friends say what I did is worse than what she did... HA. I think she is just twisting it.

If my math is correct, she is about 35 years old now. Has she become interested in the novel/film Eat Pray Love? That story romanticizes your WW's exact point of view.

Yes, 35 years old (wants everyone to think she's 27). And no to the "Eat Pray Love". But she did read "50 Shades of Grey" after a recommendation from another Mom at my daughter's school, which incidentally also coordinates to about the time these affairs started.

She had good standards that were ingrained in her upbringing and she has a person in her that wants to be good, but she has learned how to ignore them. At times she can be such a good person - loving, responsible, kind, pleasurable, but then there's this other person that only worries about herself, sneaks around, and lies. How do deal with that? Some of my friends say she needs a psychologist to deal with her own internal battle.

I still have hope for recovery and a better love than before. I do want that, for myself and for my children. But I am prepared for the worst and know I will have to give up on that hope after a certain amount of time.

In response to Brainhurts... No way will I voluntarily leave my house or kids or let her take the kids. I know that would be a huge mistake.

In response to Jedi_Knight and Wow777... Thanks for those reminders about the fog and Plan A. WW's niece (with whom she confides most) and the niece's mom (WW's sister) are likely flying out here to talk directly with her.

Melody, I know I have to consider too what you said in case I have to protect myself and my children.

Thanks guys. I will try to stay on track.