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Joined: Jan 2012
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hi FM. i'm going to answer your Q!
UA time is time spent meeting the top (intimate) ENs. it's that simple, really. you were right that helping your husband's friend move was not UA time. and it's a good sign that the lack of UA time bothered you! i hope you discussed it together and were able to schedule some other time.
do you remember what the top intimate ENs are?
it's really important not to include tv watching (yet so many people try!). UA time means you are focused on *each other.* watching tv, your focus is on the tv. as a bookworm married to a tv addict, i know this to be true!
it would be great if you posted your UA schedule for the week. we could then help you out with it.
Last edited by Letty; 03/11/13 12:13 AM. Reason: the dreaded your/you're error!
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Joined: Jan 2013
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Thanks Letty!
Last week our week was:
Sunday - church 2 hours, trip to wal-mart, had lunch, H went surfing for a couple hours while I stayed home and worked, spent the rest of the night talking, having dinner,working on MB, SF
Monday - breakfast and lunch together at home, gym 2 hours, dinner, shower, read bible aloud 15min, watched 1 hour tv together, Sf
Tuesday - water heater broke. Spent 3 hours dealing with that after work, dinner shower 15 min bible.
Wednesday - 2 hours dealing with water heater, 1 1/2 hour gym, 1 1/2 hour talking/ MB, dinner, 15 min bible,
Thursday- 45 min walk, 30 min MB, 15 min bible, 1 hour tv, dinner, SF
Friday- watched a movie at home, cooked dinner together, 2 hour conversation, 15 bible
Saturday - helped friend move 8 hours, went out to 45 min lunch alone together, 45 min walk, had dinner, 1 hour tv (tv is always shows we both enjoy), SF
Overall we counted 29 hours of UA time for the week.
We decided this morning to start keeping a record of what we do each day to make this easier rather than sitting here trying to figure out what we did all week after the fact.
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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 900
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Overall we counted 29 hours of UA time for the week.
We decided this morning to start keeping a record of what we do each day to make this easier rather than sitting here trying to figure out what we did all week after the fact. FM: We found we had to log our UA time daily. I just make a little note daily on a calendar, then tell Taffy what the number is and why, in case he wants to discuss. Since I am the "stingier" counter, we actually likely get MORE time in than our goal. Ironically, at first we were counting anything that might be considered UA time, to get to our weekly goal. Now, we relish our UA time so much that we tend to count more exclusively than inclusively. On the same calendar, I log instances of SF, as Taff has an expressed desire for sex 5 X weekly, I'm fine with 3. Though this may seem all very clinical and "keeping score-ish", it is insightful to see how our increased UA time leads to increased SF the following week.
Me: BW, 57 fWH: 63 (Taffy1) Serial cheater
Presently on the Recovery Road, in the Online program.
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Joined: Dec 2006
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Has your BH post dday ever mention how your mindset back then was to protect a cheater?
Does your BH now see your actions to protect a cheater as a red flag warning your ability to have an affair? Road- yeah�broken should have seen it as a red flag and never married me. I think he and I could agree that we'd both be better off. This is FM's thread, not my dead horse, though. I did not ask you to agree with me. I did not ask you with any other purpose then to just gain insight into your husband's thoughts. I know I am as not as smart as other's here. Though I know it is not your thread. Now I want to point out that my questions came out of what you said. You should not bring things to light if you do not want to address them. Road, this thread isn't about WPG, I'm pretty sure you're attacking her. Her opinion is just as valuable as your's. Why not leave her alone? It's unbecoming and makes you look bad.
Last edited by princessmeggy; 03/12/13 04:42 AM. Reason: Typo
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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