DBD:

Are you doing okay over there ?

Did you ever get in touch with OM's GF or ExWife or children ? Do you know if GF lives with him ? Hey, maybe GF is someone else's wife too...this might not be Ratboy's first rodeo.

If this polecat is playing a couple women, this can greatly work to your advantage if your wife realizes she is just one of several options.

t/j What is a polecat anyway ?? (Melody)

It is a cross between a skunk and WEASEL!

this is the part where you say ,"My apologies to skunks and weasels for the insulting comparison".

A polecat is my new favorite term for OMs. If only there was an animal that was part skunk, weasel and rat...do you have a name for that (beside [censored]...)

Carry on.

Girl, you got it!!

Sorry for the silence friends, I was off on the get-a-way.

I just read all the posts and there is much to catch up on--thanks again so much for sharing.

Herb--I hear you, you are right on most all counts, why I am looking for help--I get stuck etc. She is in deep love--why many friends don't get it--it is not a fling to her--she is in very deep love.

Getaway was pretty much hell. WW went with the intention of proving what a horrible [censored] she could be so I would stop fighting for her and let her go to her lover. It was crazy hard, but I kept my cool, avoided most of the LBs, and tried to show how I could meet ENs. Must of done some good, because she told me what her evil plan was on Thursday and apologized for being so mean and thanked me for trying so hard.

Snooping on Mon-Tues revealed she had tried to call the OM 4 times and her cheater friend from work forwarded emails from the OM to her. OM is doing just what you all have said:

He is out, he wants WW to work on the marriage...if that is what she wants. Then he says something about how much he loves her and how awesome she is etc. The comms mean so much to WW she is saving them as screen shots in a folder on her iphone. He is not communicating with WW directly or initiating comms right now. WW comms repeatedly, and he comms back through cheater friend. WW is very sad that he is pulling back and blames me for causing that. WW tells me that she wants to pursue harder because she does not want me to be the one controlling her life in this manner.

WW tells me that OM is pulling away because he fears losing his job and fears I will attack him or his family. OM seems to genuinely think i am a totally crazy SOB, and I think that is mostly just from being tenacious on not giving up on my marriage.

FF--I was able to get about 10-12 FB contacts off the OMs FB--people that liked some pics he has on there. I got those by viewing his FB from WW profile--I can see some pics from hers, but not the friends list. Still can't nail down the GF, but I think I may have the GFs mom. Should I message the people I have hoping it will leak over to the GF?

OM is away on a 10 day vacation right now. WW cannot run to him. Seems like now would be a good time for a bomb run??? But attacking OM makes her the very maddest and empties Love Bank of any and all progress. But you guys are all saying pressuring the OM is more important than meeting ENs and depositing love?

Also, should I do any exposure follow up with f&f on our side?

Oh, and get this, WW is actually concerned about OM sending messages through the other cheater friend of hers--WW fears cheater friend will flirt with her knight (OM). But that too is my fault--what is OM supposed to do?--he we'll have needs with me running him away from WW and all!!! How can I exploit this?

The day I discovered the calls and email to the OM I send an email to the OM and his 2 bosses (owners of company), owners will of gotten it, but I think OM was already on vacation, here is what it said:

I am very disappointed to find that communication continues between you and my wife.

Communicating to my wife that she is �special, desirable, and hot� from a workplace computer during working hours is extremely inappropriate and easily deemed as sexual harassment when coming from a member of management whom had authority over her in the work place. In addition to the sexual harassment issues, there are legal matters pertaining to alienation of affection and the fact that adultery is still a criminal offense in Arizona.

It is also incredibly offensive to me as her husband. I would not tolerate that kind of talk in my presence and I certainly do not find it honorable when spoken in secret.

I thought there was an understanding between you and I that your communications with my wife would cease, and I have respectfully anticipated you would stand by your word.

I would like nothing more than for the affair to end and I'm prepared to do anything I can to facilitate that.

I would respectfully ask you once again to stop texting, emailing, and meeting my wife and allow us the chance to rebuild our marriage before things get any worse.

I love her most,
BH

So how might I follow up with the owners now?

Go for it.

When OM abandons WW, her love bank for him will start to go dry.

Yes. Get ahold of OM's girlfriend's mother. Speak to her if at all possible !!!!

Waytards are crazy.


One idea .... just brainstorming ....

Call cheater friend (CF) and tell her that WW told you she thinks CF is flirting with OM and wants her to stop.

Blow up that nasty conspiracy.

Most excellent!

If there is another email from you ..... I suggest you "cc" your attorney

On the getgetaway, WWs boss called about her leaving so suddenly for a whole week. I heard the boss telling WW to do the right thing, stay in the marriage, think about the kids, etc.

Got me to thinking, I could call or email WW and cheater friend at work bosses and tell them they are using the work PCs to propagate the affair--I think they'd be a little ticked and put pressure on them, but not sure.

Again, WW would be livid over this and think it was all crazy control from me--the thing she hates most about me.

So what do you think? Should I attempt to apply pressure here--when and how?

Right now DBD fighting the affair looks like "control" to WW.
Later, the same events will look like DBD fighting for the marriage and for WW.

The difference?
WW fog.
WW addiction.
WW grief.

Takes time to dissipate.

Reverend,

1 - You asked for help.
2 - We said "Nuclear exposure!"
3 - You got all girly and said, "But I would seem mean!"
4 - You tried it your way; it failed.
5 - You are back asking for advice.

How many more times will it take before you understand that

1 - the only good OM is a run-off, humiliated, fired, OM.
2 - right now WW is NOT your ally; she is a supporter of your enemy.

ANYTHING you can do to hurt OM, and/or disrupt WW's infidelity-enabled life will work to your advantage.

Stop the "I'm REALLY threatening you, this time!" nonsense. Let your subpoena do the talking to the business owners.

Yes. Use one of my letters in my exposure thread and post it here. Also, go contact an attorney NOW about filing a lawsuit against the OM company and an alienation of affection lawsuit. Tell your wife you are moving forward on this so she will leak word back to the OM. Even if you don't do it, lead them to believe you ARE.

And yes, get ahold of GF's mom asap.

Take your children and go visit the OM's parents. Show them how he is continuing to pursue your wife. Also call the sleazy girlfriends husband and tell him his wife is facilitating this affair.


REMEMBER THIS: the goal is to save your marriage, *NOT* to avoid her anger!! You are NOT making any progress if you don't fight the affair. Plan A does not stand for "a**kissing" after all. It is a fight for your marriage.


Let your kids and anyone else you think significant that the affair is still roaring right along!

Oh, and I forgot about bringing charges against the OM!! It is illegal in your state to commit adultery. I would most definitely go for that one!!

OK, sorry to cower, but it is all new to me--here is my logic:

OM stands afar and waits for WW to leave. I attack A (OM in WWs mind) and WW leaves. OM has WW at his place now. Lawsuit threat dissipates and OM has all the advantage.

I don't view my actions so much as avoiding WWs anger--more like trying to build a love bank balance bigger than OMs--it is what I read in Dr Harley's "What to do with an unfaithful wife" Letter #3 article. Our situation seems close to the one described in the letter.

I'm not saying I'm right, just laying out my thinking.

No, you are hedging and talking yourself OUT of saving your marriage.

You have an excellent opportunity to destroy this affair and save your wife...one of the best I've seen herer, and much better than I.

You are still cowering.

DO what NG suggests.

DO what Marital suggests.

DO what Pep suggests.

I can state unequivocally -- what your WW sees NOW as contolling her, once the fog clears (and it will if YOU act), she will see THEN as saving her.

Her love bank is closed to you. You cannot make any deposits there until the affair is over. Concentrate on crushing the affair first and foremost. Crushing the affair will close her love bank to OM, or stop OM from wanting to make deposits.

This is why exposure is so important. It puts pressure on the A from all angles and facilitates the crushing process. The more you attack OM with legal consequences, the less into the A he'll be.

Worst case, in the end, you'll at least be able to tell the kids you did your best to crush the A. Best case, the A ends and you can start meeting her ENs and increase you balance in her love bank.

Now, let the crushing begin!!!

You are looking at this the wrong way and are not thinking strategically. You CAN'T make any lovebank deposits until you run off the OM. Her lovebank is closed to YOU and will be as long as that RAT is there. The OM is sitting on the sidelines perpetuating their fantasy "luuurve." He will stay there on the sidelines while they go further and further underground while the affair becomes more and more entrenched. Her lovebank to you is not only CLOSED but her resentment against you grows with every passing day because you are blackmailing the OM.

However, if you launch that nuke, you remove all her reasons for not leaving you *AND* you either run off the OM or you push her to move in with him, which will cause the affair to fall apart FASTER. Either way, you win. The worst case would be that she moves in with him, but that would cause the affair to go into a freefall because reality will destroy their "luuurve."

She has told you the affair would end if you would leave the OM alone. THAT HAS NOT HAPPENED. And it will never happen. The affair is still going strong. The affair will continue in the background forever if you don't run the OM off.