A joint Facebook would be great i think...but I don't know if she would be willing to integrate her life with mine. I would like nothing more than to have a joint Facebook account actually. I am going to ask her about it now.

Spoke to my wife about my list of EP's. We are going to take time during the week to go through my list of Facebook friends. We may also just have a joint Facebook but she is worried it may be too soon to do so because we are not back together yet. I think though that I should take the precaution now to avoid temptation.

I say zero facebook or social media but its up to your BS.

Here, I'll make it easy for you; block and remove all female friends that are not of direct blood relation to you. Period.

Eliminate any male friends that knew of your affair and didn't tell your wife or punch you in the face for cheating on your wife.


Your wife should do the same with her friend's list; eliminate any male friends that are not of direct blood relation.

Hmmmm! Will let my BS Give the final verdict on this. If after applying POJA we believe it's best to delete my Facebook entirely and/ or start a joint page then that's what will happen

Oooooooooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr,


You could delete your page by yourself, and let her decide later if she feels a joint page is appropriate.

You should be taking action that demonstrates your commitment to protecting your marriage from any future/further intrusion.


Putting EP's into place is your job. Protecting yourself from the temptations of infidelity is your job.


You need to be making these steps.


The fact that you would hang on to see if she'll give you weasel room is distressing.

What? I never used my Facebook page to entertain any relationships. You are Telling me to delete my access to family, close friends who prior to being on this site were encouragement to get to my senses, ex- managers who shoot ideas to me via facebook and even my means to getting updates on entertainment and news links.

Furthermore my career is as a communications specialists. I've built and managed websites for a living. As part of those sites managing social network feeds has been my duties.

I've already given up my last job, moved from the country I lived in and deleted all access to people who are not members of family or close friends.

What you may be suggesting may put my further ability to function in future jobs at risk.

Again I will do whatever my BS thinks is best for her so that her needs are met but I think the whole point of EP's is to remove all opportunities that would lead to an affair. AGAIN ...I've never used My online social networks to encourage an outside relationship. It was not the means by which my OW was met, facilitated or encouraged.

Social networks make affairs very very easy to happen. Why do you hesitate? It is too easy to access your OW there.

Let me give an example that just occurred after sending that last message. I just received an update via my facebook page from an ex-co worker ( she is female) about the situation regarding the Minister of National Security being asked to resign by the Prime Minister. If I was at my old job managing the website for the Prime Minister's office. I would have to update the page " Immediately".

Point is whether it's Facebook, twitter, Skype, email or a carrier pigeon any of these forms of communication could be used to start an affair. Am I to say to my co- workers/managers in the future don't update me by Facebook, email or call me on matters such as these. I guess in this instance it's 2:00 am so she thought it best to message me instead of calling. It's called staying in the loop and staying in that loop is sometimes the difference between success and failure. But as I said before... I've given my BS full access to my page...i'ce deleted everyone I thin does not have a valid reason to be there. If my BS thinks there isn't a valid reason for anyone else to be there I'll remove them too.

Further to this deleting the page entirely is only something I will consider if she needs it to be done as proof of my commitment to her but it will affect my ability to function in my future jobs unless I change careers.

What??? My OW never had a Facebook account. I never used it to talk to her. She hardly even knew how to use a computer and I never encouraged any other relationship via my social network. It actually makes more sense for me never to have a cell phone. If anything my phone was the means by which me and the OW communicated. But guess what...that wouldn't make sense either because to me it's important that my BS, family and employers can contact me.

Me and my BS will be using POJA to solve this issue.

Actually it's whatever your BS wants when it comes to EPs.

What does she want you to do regarding Facebook, social media?

She hasn't decided what she wants to do yet. Told her that I am prepared to do anything.

If I were her, I'd take you back to the carrier pigeon.

The point of all of this is to affair proof your marriage. Social media is an obvious threat. It doesn't matter that you didn't use it last time, because you may well use it in the future. All this defensiveness on your part makes you look like you are not serious. People are suggesting you be proactive to demonstrate to your BS that you are serious. So, before making her force your hand, why not act preemptively? Don't you see the benefit?

The point is to eliminate conditions that not only led to your affair, but to eliminate conditions that cause your wife concern.

You've demonstrated that left to your own devices, you are not very good at determining safe boundaries for you or your marriage.

If something is difficult to answer, I'd suggest that it may mean it's not affair proof yet.

I'd also suggest that you're viewing social media through a warped lens/with tunnel vision...... Think about other solutions, based on why you use them!

LOL, your aversion to deleting facebook shows that you are not serious about fixing things with your marriage.

Look, my WW was able to communicate with POSOM using FB messaging. She would delete any message that came from POSOM as soon as she read it. I only found out about it because her phone "dinged" while she was in the shower and I looked at it.

The EPs are to keep HER safe, not you. If you use FB to communicate important things, find a different way and kill the FB account.

None of this has to make sense to you. It's to protect her from a cheating husband. Start thinking about her for a change.

"Further to this deleting the page entirely is only something I will consider if she needs it to be done as proof of my commitment to her but it will affect my ability to function in my future jobs unless I change careers."

I call that BS from the git-go. There is no way FB is that important to ANY career. If it is, then its time to change careers to PROTECT YOUR WIFE. Remember, this is about HER, not YOU.

"i'ce deleted everyone I thin does not have a valid reason to be there. If my BS thinks there isn't a valid reason for anyone else to be there I'll remove them too. "

Again, its not about who you thinks has a valid reason for using FB with you. Heck, the OW may have a valid reason, will that keep her on your friends list? And why do you put the pressure on your wife to tell you who should be there and who shouldn't. Give me a break. Talk about setting her up for failure.

It's time to man-up brother and fall on the facebook sword.

POJA is not used for her EPs (that should include the removal of FB account). They are the boundaries that SHE is willing to live within to remain married to you. Sorry, but you don't get a say in that.

Listen...I am not pressuring my wife...all the decisions I made I made on my own. I've done all that I think is necessary to avert any possiblity of an affair. I am obeying the 4 rules ( protection, care, time and honesty) and for me and my wife to move forward she has to do the same. If there is something I do that makes her suspicious or uncertain about her love for her I expect it to be highlighted, discussed and a decision in her best interest to be made. I've already spoken to her about this whole issue. I will be guided by her feelings and concerns on the issue. And the end of the day that's all that matters to me right now...her feelings and her concerns.

My wife just called as I was about to respond to your last post. She believes that joint social media accounts would be best but she is not ready to let the world know that we are trying to work things out. Once we are further ahead in our recovery i.e living together this would be done. She believes that me giving her access to all my means of communicating to the outside world is good but I will also be reviewing my list of friends and media feeds and delete anyone else that may put me at risk.