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God you guys are awesome. After this is all over I think I will have to frequent this board.
I will get SAA - can I buy it online and read it online? Yes, you can. Dr Harley just recently made it available on kindle. You can get it at amazon.com.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Bleh, I don't have a kindel, was hoping I could get it in a pdf or something. Hmm.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Bleh, I don't have a kindel, was hoping I could get it in a pdf or something. Hmm. You don't need a kindle. You can download it to your computer.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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oh nvm, apparently kindel has a windows app. sweet
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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oh nvm, apparently kindel has a windows app. sweet 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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So I've been told through the grape vine that my wife - since she has separated from me has been neglecting our dog (she has the dog), which I find very very strange - she has always loved that dog more than anything. I've also learned that she is kicking the cats outside all night, and in the past she would never let me put them outside because she was sooo concerned they would get hurt. She would have felt responsible. Now she doesn't seem to care. Her Mom told me that she has been growing distant from her, and even forgot her birthday! (My wife has NEVER forgotten her Mom's birthday until now).
What does this shift in behavior mean? It's like she has lost all sense of empathy.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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So I've been told through the grape vine that my wife - since she has separated from me has been neglecting our dog (she has the dog), which I find very very strange - she has always loved that dog more than anything. I've also learned that she is kicking the cats outside all night, and in the past she would never let me put them outside because she was sooo concerned they would get hurt. She would have felt responsible. Now she doesn't seem to care. Her Mom told me that she has been growing distant from her, and even forgot her birthday! (My wife has NEVER forgotten her Mom's birthday until now).
What does this shift in behavior mean? It's like she has lost all sense of empathy. Typical WW behavior. A Wayward is all about Mememememememe. That precludes any real concern about children, pets and relatives, by definition. Typical behavior of an addict. Be sure to let her mom know that it's the lack of action by an addict. Reassure her that you are working with a counsellor who is helping you pull her out of that swamp of addiction. Enlist her support.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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What if her Mom tells my wife about the councilor and the addiction remark? Is that a bad thing?
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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OJ,
- she has always loved that dog more than anything.
Would a drug addict sell their dog to get a fix? She is no longer your W while she is under the influence.
Try to remember how great you felt during the first few months/years of your relationship with your WW, how nothing else mattered in the world, an affair is like that too.
God Bless
Gamma
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What if her Mom tells my wife about the councilor and the addiction remark? Is that a bad thing? Can you be more specific?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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So I was given the suggestion to tell her mom:
I am working with a counselor who is helping me pull her out of that swamp of addiction.
What if her mom tells my wife about the the councilor and that I think she has an addiction?
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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So I read through most of that book. I didn't really read anything about mass exposure. Plan B seemed to just involve a no contact rule to let the affair die naturally. Why the discrepancy?
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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I am reading those 3 links now BrainHurts
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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So I read through most of that book. I didn't really read anything about mass exposure. Plan B seemed to just involve a no contact rule to let the affair die naturally. Why the discrepancy? Yes Dr. Harley is revising SAA to add exposure. That's why you can find it all over here on the MB.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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So I read through most of that book. I didn't really read anything about mass exposure. Plan B seemed to just involve a no contact rule to let the affair die naturally. Why the discrepancy? Yes Dr. Harley is revising SAA to add exposure. That's why you can find it all over here on the MB. Aaahh, okay. But in the book it specifically says not to do anything to upset the WS through this whole process. That opinion has been changed? Has mass exposure - filing lawsuits etc been shown to be more effective than NC?
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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I've also learned that she is kicking the cats outside all nightThe lesson NG takes from this: POSOM is allergic to cat dander. The use NG would make of this: When you move back home, GET MORE CATS! Have them sleep on her clothes, brush them daily, and sprinkle the fur in her hair brush, rub it into her car's upholstery. ![[Linked Image from vjcx.com]](http://www.vjcx.com/pictures/many-cats-bad.jpg) Dude, I guessed you are a nice guy. I am not.
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So I read through most of that book. I didn't really read anything about mass exposure. Plan B seemed to just involve a no contact rule to let the affair die naturally. Why the discrepancy? Dr Harley has always recommended exposure but he just didn't include it in his books until recently. He added a part about exposure in SAA and it is in the process of being revised. He already revised His Needs, Her Needs to include a section on exposure. In the meantime, he addresses it here and several other places. And yes, Plan B is a plan for no contact to let the affair die naturally. AFTER it has been exposed, of course.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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To clarify, the purpose of Plan B is to protect the betrayed spouse from the trauma of the affair. It is a totally dark separation until the WS ends the affair and commits to recovery of the marriage.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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