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You guys are really really good people for spending time helping suffering BS's like myself. Do you guys have a tip jar? :p. When all is said in done, even if we don't reconcile, I'd want to show my appreciation for the help somehow.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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You guys are really really good people for spending time helping suffering BS's like myself. Do you guys have a tip jar? :p. When all is said in done, even if we don't reconcile, I'd want to show my appreciation for the help somehow. You can tip us by helping others here in the future in your free time! We can always use the help! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Awesome. This is what I predict will happen when I move back in. She will probably see that my vehicle is there, and then she will probably drive off. She will come back later hoping I am gone, and probably drive off again. Eventually she will have to confront me, she will ask what I'm doing here - I'll tell her - and then she will probably immediately start gathering all of her stuff together, and most likely go move in with the OM. She will be very upset during all of this. I am sure the thought of this is upsetting, but let me tell you something. If she does move in with him, it will make the affair die FASTER. They aren't living together now for some reason, maybe it is appearances, I don't know. But if he is forced to take her in, it will cause more conflict in the affair. Reality is ruinous to an affair!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Awesome. This is what I predict will happen when I move back in. She will probably see that my vehicle is there, and then she will probably drive off. She will come back later hoping I am gone, and probably drive off again. Eventually she will have to confront me, she will ask what I'm doing here - I'll tell her - and then she will probably immediately start gathering all of her stuff together, and most likely go move in with the OM. She will be very upset during all of this. I am sure the thought of this is upsetting, but let me tell you something. If she does move in with him, it will make the affair die FASTER. They aren't living together now for some reason, maybe it is appearances, I don't know. But if he is forced to take her in, it will cause more conflict in the affair. Reality is ruinous to an affair! She has been adamant about being 'independent' and finding her own place, renting a room somewhere. She doesn't want to move in with a boyfriend. That I am pretty sure she is sincere about. But if she has to choose with living with me or him at this point, I bet she will choose him. Unless she is trying call my bluff or something - which I won't be bluffing. I have to admit, moving in there is going to feel good. Making her upset is going to feel good. When she first separated from me, she told her best friend "I am the happiest girl in the world right now! I'm so happy!" Kind of hurt to hear that. Am I spiteful? edit: And actually the thought of her moving in with him is not upsetting at all. She's already having sex with him and in love with him. My upset level can't go any higher.
Last edited by OddJob123; 05/04/13 11:24 AM.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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ML is right as usual. I noticed that I'm my WW. She has been complaining about living with POSOM.
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[
She has been adamant about being 'independent' and finding her own place, renting a room somewhere. She doesn't want to move in with a boyfriend. That I am pretty sure she is sincere about The reason she told you that is because she wants to make it appear that she is not leaving because of the affair but because of issues in the marriage. They ALL say they want to be independent and on their own. That is part of the charade.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Melody - do you think it's a good idea to tell her Mom that stuff I was told to tell her earlier? Is my concern about relaying the message to my wife a valid concern?
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Melody - do you think it's a good idea to tell her Mom that stuff I was told to tell her earlier? Is my concern about relaying the message to my wife a valid concern? Can you be more specific?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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So I was given the suggestion to tell her mom:
I am working with a counselor who is helping me pull her out of that swamp of addiction.
What if her mom tells my wife about the the councilor and that I think she has an addiction? Her Mom told me my WS was growing more distant from her, and that she forgot her birthday (my wife has NEVER forgotten her birthday). Is there something I can say to her Mom?
Last edited by OddJob123; 05/04/13 12:37 PM.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Why was this suggested and by whom? I don't understand the point.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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So I've been told through the grape vine that my wife - since she has separated from me has been neglecting our dog (she has the dog), which I find very very strange - she has always loved that dog more than anything. I've also learned that she is kicking the cats outside all night, and in the past she would never let me put them outside because she was sooo concerned they would get hurt. She would have felt responsible. Now she doesn't seem to care. Her Mom told me that she has been growing distant from her, and even forgot her birthday! (My wife has NEVER forgotten her Mom's birthday until now).
What does this shift in behavior mean? It's like she has lost all sense of empathy. Typical WW behavior. A Wayward is all about Mememememememe. That precludes any real concern about children, pets and relatives, by definition. Typical behavior of an addict. Be sure to let her mom know that it's the lack of action by an addict. Reassure her that you are working with a counsellor who is helping you pull her out of that swamp of addiction. Enlist her support.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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I have no idea what the point would be. I agree you should enlist the support of her mother to kill the affair.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Do you know if OMBW's name is on their house?
IF she does move in with OM I would call OM's BW and let her know that your WW is shacking up in her house and she should be able to call the cops and raise havoc on their "living arrangements"
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Okay, cool. Ya I have already asked for her support more than once. She is kind of a hippie, so she kind of has this "The heart knows what it wants" attitude. But she told me she has told my wife she really needs to consider her marriage at least..
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Joined: May 2013
Posts: 513
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Do you know if OMBW's name is on their house?
IF she does move in with OM I would call OM's BW and let her know that your WW is shacking up in her house and she should be able to call the cops and raise havoc on their "living arrangements" That could be interesting. I would have to stalk her to find out if she is living there though. Not sure how else I would find out where she was living once she moves out of our house.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4
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Do you know if OMBW's name is on their house?
IF she does move in with OM I would call OM's BW and let her know that your WW is shacking up in her house and she should be able to call the cops and raise havoc on their "living arrangements" That could be interesting. I would have to stalk her to find out if she is living there though. Not sure how else I would find out where she was living once she moves out of our house. Do you have a shared phone plan? Do you have GPS on her phone? Also if she ends up moving in with him her car would have to be there, correct?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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We split up our phones into 2 separate accounts already. And ya her car would definitely be there.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4
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We split up our phones into 2 separate accounts already. And ya her car would definitely be there. So you would know that's where she's living.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Posts: 513
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Heh, I am not sure where he lives though. Hmm.. Actually I bet I could find out.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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She has been adamant about being 'independent' and finding her own place, renting a room somewhere.
Talk is cheap; rent costs money!
OJ, you will learn that Waywards say much, and most of what they say is pig slop - sooner would be better than later!!! If she wanted "her own place", she'd have gotten one instead of living la vida loca on your housing dime!
Every time you listen to her, and report back here, I can almost sense some of your brain cells dying a horrible death - and mine crying out in sympathy.
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