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Okay, so I'm thinking this will be the text I send to her.
WS, I am just letting you know that I have changed the locks on the old house. You are welcome to visit ANY time I am there, and of course you are welcome to move back in with me at any time. If you still have some stuff here that you need to get, just let me know, and I will try to make sure I am there or cousin is there to let you in so you can get in.
Seem okay? looks good!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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...I have changed the locks...
You are getting the hang of this, quickly! Note the difference in tenor/tone between this and the mousey, "I plan to change the locks..."
Yours is a declaration; the other, more like a request.
You are rapidly earning your "Brass Balls" certification, my friend! 
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Scheduled the locksmith to come out at 4 p.m. today.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Question - Me and WS use an app called voxer -it's like a walky-talky app. Would it be better to actually vocally say things to her using this app? Or would it be better to send texts?
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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I would send the text and then perhaps call later to ask her out to dinner.
If she calls after you send the text don't answer.
You want to avoid an argument.
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I would send the text and then perhaps call later to ask her out to dinner.
If she calls after you send the text don't answer.
You want to avoid an argument. I'm supposed to be in kind of a "2-week let things simmer down" period. Calling her and asking her to Indian food tonight would still be okay though?
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Okay, lock guy is here, changing the locks. I sent her the text, with a "Love, Kinsels" at the end (the nick name she gave to me).
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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So another side to this story I never told you guys. Not too long ago - 3 months ago or so, her fertility doctor increased her dosage for Progesterone hormones. To help get pregnant. Well I just did some snooping around in her room here at the old house, and I found a new bottle of it... She is STILL taking it. Does she want to get pregnant from this guy??? Wow.... Me and my family had also theorized that the reason she has been acting so insane is *because* of the increased hormones. I figured she had stopped taking them when she left me, so I got rid of that theory, but it turns out she is still taking them. What is she thinking??
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Okay, lock guy is here, changing the locks. I sent her the text, with a "Love, Kinsels" at the end (the nick name she gave to me). Good.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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She just came to get her dog. I said "Hey, how was your day?" She just gave a little condescending snicker, and walked out the door. Refused to talk to me.
Think I should still call her tonight and ask her to Indian Food? Or should I keep letting things simmer down? She is obviously pissed off about me changing the locks.
Edit: Melody - if she brought me the divorce papers right now, and I said we would never be friends again if this ended in divorce, I can tell she would not give two craps. Right now she doesn't care if she ever sees me again, ever. I know my wife well enough to know this. It breaks my heart for her to view me this way, as I have done nothing but provide for, love, and cherish this woman for the last 10 years of my life.
Last edited by OddJob123; 05/10/13 06:01 PM.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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In the back of my mind i keep wondering if the letters/e-mails I sent to her company have had any effect whatsoever. I really feel like I would have gotten an ear-full if they had.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Posts: 549
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When I heard she was telling people she's "happier than she's ever been", that hurt more than anything she has actually did, because that meant she was HAPPY about hurting the one she used to profess to love more than anything could ever hurt him. My wifes similar statement was: "Just lost 200lbs of dead weight in a divorce and I'm ready to have fun". Ouch............. Do Men WS' say and do these things too?? So horrible! Of course they do. And worse. What is amazing is that when a WS un-fogs, they often do not remember saying these hurtful things. Taffy still thinks I am making some stuff up. Takes a lot for a BS to let go of that resentment.... Best if concentrate on YOU at this point, you cannot control her actions. (I know you know this, but it bears reminding yourself.) So true. My WH, doesn't remember the horrible things he said and did either. 
Me BW: 30
WH: 33
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OJ,
I think you said that her boss warned her about what you were doing rather than corrected her, if so you may want to threaten a lawsuit for being an accessory to sexual harassment/adultery.
God Bless
Gamma
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No, I have no idea what their bosses have done or are doing, if anything. Every lawyer I've talked to has said I have no case at all against the company. One that I talked to said it depends on their code of conduct. I need to call him back. I will call him on Monday.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Posts: 549
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Good job on the locks OJ. Listen, stop trying to interpret your wife's actions. She's as you've described "cold". She's heartless. Folks here like to describe the active wayward as having been taken over by an alien. You will drive yourself nuts trying to figure out what it means.
My WH looked at me and our 2yo both in tears and calmly walked away to be with his OW. How he could leave me there hurting so badly and not even have a look of compassion on his face is beyond me. Now he is back, seeming remorseful.
I think they convince themselves that they have to be right, because to face the truth that they are making a horrible mistake , well it's hard. But eventually they all get there. Some faster than others.
Meantime, focus on yourself. Exercise is a good idea.
Me BW: 30
WH: 33
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Ya, my experience was similar when she left. I was on the floor WAILING. I was making sounds I didn't even know I could make, and sounds I know she has never heard before. Tears just gushing. This was before I even know there was an affair.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Posts: 513
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So.. My wife still has stuff here that I am pretty sure she is going to eventually want back (I could be wrong). Should I tell my cousin to not return her texts/calls so she is obligated to contact me to get her stuff?
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Posts: 2,964
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OJ,
The threat of a lawsuit is not the same thing as a lawsuit, and managers are often under an obligation to report risks to the business to their superiors.
A letter to the customers/clients/creditors of this business is another option too, and you can always picket peacefully.
God Bless
Gamma
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It's a very small company. The 2 people I wrote to were the owner and CEO. They don't even have an HR department. Not even sure how I would go about attaining a customer list for the company. Picketing is unfortunately not an option due to me needing to work .
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Joined: May 2013
Posts: 513
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Decided I would rummage through her crap in her room.. Why not? It's my house, right? Anyways, I found birth control, so at least she isn't being totally retarded. I also found new pink fuzzy hand-cuffs, something we DEFINITELY did not have when we were together. So apparently she must have felt sexually deprived in some way.
edit: Lol, should I text her and say - "Hey love, if I would have known you wanted to get kinky with some hand-cuffs, you know I would have been down, right?"
Last edited by OddJob123; 05/10/13 09:04 PM.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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