Less is more.

No reply is the least response and the best response.

This is why it does not pay to respond to the OM.

You can not educate a WW.

You also can not educate an OM.

OM's parents told me.

But you can play head games with them. They are the most fun people in the world to screw with.[or OW] They are so dumb and so blind that it is easy to scare them to death by throwing little passive aggressive stink bombs their way.

Developed by Brits Brat, board member and corporate attorney--

To Whom It May Concern:

This letter is to bring a matter to your attention that may be a violation of your Company's Code of Conduct and/or other policies, procedures and business ethics.

WS and WS are involved in an extramarital affair that is taking place, primarily, in the workplace. Aside from the potential sexual harassment claims this situation presents, it also involves the inappropriate use of company resources and assets. WS and WS are using company time and company resources to further their affair. If you check the call histories on their office and cell phones along with their workstation computers, you will find the two of them are spending an inordinate amount of what should be productive work time to further their sexual relationship.

If you have any questions, please call me at xxx-xxxx. Otherwise, I will anticipate a response from you once you have investigated these concerns and taken appropriate corrective action.

Regards,

Yes, not in Utah.

Also you could possibly get alimony in Utah on the proof of adultery. Did you ask him?

Proof of adultery can be a big hammer on your side, because they have AoA law.

I will ask my lawyer that next time I talk to him.

Feeling really weird this morning. For some reason I keep having this fantasy of just sitting my wife down and talking to her about everything I have learned from MB. That I understand she doesn't love me anymore, that I don't particularly want to be with her right now either. But that I know we both loved each other at one point, and that I know we can build that love again, that I have a plan for recovery that if committed to will ensure an incredibly happy marriage for both of us.

And then I remember she's in the middle of an intense love affair, and that no matter what I say it will fall on deaf ears.

In other news, my Dad drafted my a letter that he thinks I should use to send to the superiors over at the company WS and OM work for. Let me know what you guys think:

Mr. xxxx,

My name is BS. My wife WS is an employee at company name. 6 weeks ago WS informed me that she was leaving me and has started an adulterous relationship with one of her co-workers at company name, OM (also married). As you can imagine this has brought much sorrow to myself, my family and OM's wife�s family.

The reason I am contacting you is I received two disturbing emails from OM that apparently originated from company name. They were sent during business hours and OM's contact info on the email contained the name �company name" (see attached screen shots of the emails). The emails were harassing in nature as OM was stating that I should give up on my wife, move on and accept their adulterous relationship.

OM also speaks of how the affair was able to grow in their work environment.

I would be surprised if company name would condone this type of behavior on their premises and emails of this nature that appear to be sent from a representative of your company.

Since company name is not a corporation, this could potentially place you in a position of both civil and criminal liability.

Please contact me as soon as possible to discuss.

Best regards,

BS
Phone #
Email:

A slight wording change above. Your wife left you BECAUSE OF her affair. She didn't leave and THEN assume an affair. Otherwise the letter is awesome! Kudos to your dad!!

Overall, great letter, but:

Please contact me as soon as possible to discuss.

seems somehow...tepid.

Something more in the line of:

I will expect to hear of your actions in this matter before approaching counsel about my options.

would be more to your point.

(Note: Hint, not threat!)

Part of plan A is to let the WS know that you take responsibility for your part in the M breaking down and if given another opportunity promise to take her complaints seriously. You will be totally committed to solving these problems with her.

I definitely see things I did wrong in the marriage. But she never complained. I always thought she was as content as I was. No communication. I was completely blindsided by this. I do want to let her know that I understand why she fell out of love with me, and that I know we can get that love back. But I am just not sure how to go about it, or the right time to do it.

But I am just not sure how to go about it, or the right time to do it.

First, you KILL THE AFFAIR - close off her love-bank to deposits from POSOM.

Stay positive, OJ. Keep up the pressure on the skank-birds.

NG is right. Kill the affair.

You've done the exposure.
You've cut off access to the home for her POSOM.

Now you continue to plan A without begging, looking desperate, or crying. You've been a cool cat so far. Stick with it.

I would avoid being unauthentic in her presence. It's ok to be angry and for her to know that you're hurt and angry. Just avoid disrespectful judgments and angry outbursts. You can be polite, cordial, and caring. But she also should see that you do not abide by her abusive infidelity. I might be in the minority here, but singing to her on the guitar while she is doing this is unauthentic. I get why she thinks its creepy. Instead, I would not hid your hurt and anger, but would still be kind and caring at the right moments. There's a fine line.

Finally, sorry for the cliche, but its a marathon, not a sprint. You will have endure much pain and anger before its over. Nothing you can do will get her out of the fog in 30 seconds. Takes a lot of time.

Have you thought about emailing the radio show to be a caller?

Do you listen to the radio show every day?

Dr Harley discusses Plan A several times every week for active A's. He encourages the BS to do what they can to kill the A and at the same time try to make LB deposits best you can to attract her back into the M.

He encourges BS's to let the WS know they are serious about solving their problems in the future. Express you are willing to do your part to create a different M. --During an active A.

He discusses the importance of identifying why the WS felt compelled to look outside the M and hit those head on.-During an active A.

NG is right, her LB is closed to you right now. However, she needs to know there is hope and it is POSSIBLE to have a good future with you. Right now she just envisions more of the same unhappiness if you were to reunite.

Unless you communicate that to her..how is she to know?

Somehow, someway at least expressing your attitude and intentions for the future is important even if her A is active.

+ 1

Very important.

I haven't listened to it, no. But I will start. That will probably be quite helpful. I agree that I want to communicate my intentions to her. To let her know how serious I am. She is pretty receptive to text messages. But how do I word it so that I get the point across? Part of that point being that I am not desperate. I want her to know I am not desperate, because I am really not at this point. Everyday, so many things in me tell me to just pull the plug on this whole operation, that she isn't worth it, that I can find someone better. I continue on despite those thoughts. It is out of a sense of honor, and being a man, at this point. There is no desperatey here at all. So how can I word what I need to say to her in a way that let's her know I am by no means desperate.

Maybe something like this?:

"WS, you need to understand something. I know you are upset with me, and right now are laughing at the notion of us ever being together again. You need to understand that I am upset at you too. I did not deserve what you did to me, and I am still angry, and very hurt. Every day I tell myself that fighting for our marriage is simply not worth it, that I could find someone that would never hurt me in this way. But then I remember that I am not totally innocent in all of this. I failed in many ways as a husband, and meeting your emotional needs. I understand that this is what lead you to leave, and to be with someone else. Please understand how hard it is to keep fighting for you. It would be so much easier to just give up. I am not desperate, I am fighting for our marriage because I am a man, and I made a vow to you eight years ago that I do not plan on breaking easily. Know how serious I am about saving our marriage. Know that I have a very in depth plan for recovery that, if committed to, will end with us both being happier than we have ever been. We can have an amazing marriage, WS."

If I were me, I would just say hey, I know things are totally messed up right now. I understand that you are doing what you think you need to do. From my side, I just want you to know that I never wanted our M to get where we are today. I realize many things that I could have done differently and if at some point you want to think about us again, I am willing to do my part to not make the same mistakes again. You would have a willing partner that will listen to you and make changes to create a M where we are both happy. No pressure either way. Just know that the reasons I am doing the things I am doing are based on my belief that we can have a great life together and be best friends. Not to hurt you. My phone line is always open to you.

I wouldn't put words in her mouth or express all your hurt and disappointment. That all can come at a later time. She knows you are hurt.

Somehow you have to put a positive spin on the message. Give her hope. Understand her side of the equation.

Hmm, yours is much more casual than mine. Choices, choices.