AgentS, it's a pity that you forewarned her about your intentions to move back home. Much better to simply walk in, set your bags down and sing out "Honey, I'm home! Where are my girls! Daddy's home!"

Tell her that you are home, where you belong. Sir, it is YOUR HOUSE. She'll probably start blabbing about "her" time - let her know that you've thought about that, and realize your folly in agreeing to such an arrangement. Tell her she's welcome to have quality time with the girls by running a nice bubble bath for them before bed time.

Offer to make dinner while she's helping the kids in their bath.

The answer to your question is "yes" - her response is normal. You've screwed with her fuzzy, happy little wayward world. While you're not home, she's a swingin' single gal with a couple of kids who are only minor inconveniences to her fantasy and no husband to 'drag her down.' You're throwing a dash of reality into that fantasy and she's not going to like that.

Know that and proceed calmly to reclaim your rightful place in your own home.

Bliss, thank you for the response. I did come in, put my stuff down and told her I'm here to stay. She told me that's not something we discusssd of agreed to, and I said almost exactly what you said. That I was wrong for agreeing to such an arrangement. I told her if was my home, and I was going go be home and be with the girls. She asked in a sarcastic manner if this was a way for me to try to "win her back". I told her this decision had nothing to do with her and everything to do with me being home and with the kids.

She did tell me that she has loved the "freedom" she has felt since our separation, so I really don't think R is in the cards.

But I feel much better about that today after our talk, because I deserve somebody so much better than the way she treats me. She only focuses on any negative things about me, or what she perceives to be negative. I love myself today because I know I'm an awesome dude with a great heart. She doesn't see that part of me, and that's just disrespectful.

I miss my old wife, but that person "died" some time back.

I just fear that me refusing to let her go to her parents is only pissing her off where it might diminish any chance of an amicable D.

Oh, and we haven't slept in the same bed in a long time because of my snoring. (I'm sure that didn't help us). But she knows I've been sleeping in the master since we've separated. Do I still sleep in the master even though that's not the way it was prior to the separation?

I think she would have a heart attack!

I'd move right back into the marital bed, let her sleep in the spare if she so chooses.

Good job for throwing a wrench into her "freedom". Now get ready for some fantastic Plan A.

What were her complaints about you before the affair?

Her complaints were that I was controlling. I was a pessimist and had a temper sometimes. I can honestly say I'm a completely different person. I read about the 180 a few months ago and started trying to focus on changing the things about myself I wasn't happy about. I've been successful

But she was talking about how much she has loved her freedom since we've separated. Maybe I'm wrong, but she sounds too far gone.

Bravo for moving back home!!

Divorces are not "amicable," so that is an oxymoron. Don't worry about it.

You did great! I agree you shouldn't let her take off with the kids. She probably had a plan to go stay with the OM and was using the visit as a cover.

Just do the right thing and don't fight with her. You are doing great.

She sounds like every other typical Wayward.

Do not let her take your girls anywhere. Tell her "we are trying to keep the stress as least amount on the girls and keeping them home is for them". DO NOT FIGHT WITH HER.

Have you exposed this yet?

Have you read Love Busters? About Your anger, when's the last AO (angry outburst) you've had?

Her saying you're controlling is probably about the AO.

So what are you going to do if you feel one coming on?

Also, what are her top ENs?

Take advantage of being at home with her to show her your changes.

She doesn't sound too far gone to us. You can't go by anything she says right now because she is high on the fumes of the affair. Her affair has the same effect as CRACK COCAINE or alcohol.

Ok, what day are you launching the exposure nuke? Do you have your exposure plans all ready?

Agent, you want to PROMISE her that there will be no "amicable" divorce. See, she has this fantasy where you will roll over like a dead man and she easily replaces you with the OM. Do you want to cooperate with that? Do you want to contribute to your own demise and HELP THE OM?

I would hope not!!

So tell her there will be no "amicable" divorce and that hell is coming her way if she pursues the divorce. Let her know you will be counter suing on grounds of adultery and will have the OM dragged into court and forced to give sworn testimony under oath about the affair. [tell her this after you expose]

And most importantly, tell her you will not be her "friend" if this goes to divorce. Just watch her eyes get BIG when you tell her that!! That will WRECK her little divorce fantasy of having you roll over like a wimp while she sticks it to you.

You need to burst her fantasy and paint a very dark picture of her future if she pursues divorce. But just get your exposures done FIRST so she is not denying the affair.

Also, tell her NOW that the "separation" is over. If she leaves for the night, you will just consider that she is out committing adultery and you will document her movements for any potential divorce actions. I would DEMAND that she end her affair immediately.

Get a GPS on her car asap. This looks like a good one at Walmart. http://www.walmart.com/ip/21607563?...6607510&wl4=&wl5=pla&veh=sem

Or you can get zoombak at Radio Shack: http://www.radioshack.com/product/index.jsp?productId=13089009

You need to get your butt back into your marital bed. Have you tried anything to help with your snoring? My husband is a veteran snorer. Breathe Strips have helped tremendously. Investigate a CPAC machine as well.

She's not going to have a heart attack.

This is normal wayward babble. Ignore this. That's what I told you earlier: she's living the life of a swingin' single gal, with no one to answer to or deal with other than her entitled self.

Agent, understand that you are now in position to Plan A. She will probably make noise and huff and puff. That's fine. Stay calm and stable. Help take care of the kids. Go over and beyond what you did before - bathe the kids and put them to bed. Make dinner, if she's agreeable. Or order in. In other words, meet her needs as much as she will let you.

Don't you DARE sleep on the couch. If she doesn't want to sleep with you, let her figure out her sleeping arrangements.

Your getting good advice please follow it. All waywards no matter race, creed, religion all follow the same script and vets know this and will give you AWESOME advice and information.

I would not be surprised if she files for D tomorrow. She is giving me attitude, but I'm staying positive, being in a good mood, enjoying the kids, etc. You have all given me a lot of strength and reassurance, so thank you.

Melody, is putting GPS on her car, without her knowing, legal?

Oh, another complaint of hers in the marriage was that we were too routine. She was obviously bored, and an affair is just the excitement she wanted! Routine stuff is hard for me to change right now because she wants nothing to do with me and wants to spend no time together. So I can't force her to go to a park, zoo, etc.

Lastly, should I ask her if she denies sleeping with him? During one of our talks last night, I told her I knew they slept together. She responded with "where are you getting your info from?" I didn't answer her, and just continued to say what I was saying. I know bringing it up isn't ideal, but I would love to record it for concrete evidence.

I have no idea but I seriously doubt it. If you are her husband you have a right to know where your car is. I think most people are more concerned about where their car is located.


I wouldn't fight about that. There is no reason to bring it up again because you know she will lie about it. Did you tell her what I told you about countersuing on grounds of adultery?

Ok, so it's been a few weeks since I updated my status. I moved back in that weekend and she was obviously not happy at all! She never saw me mad, negative, or anything like that, but she was/is very uncomfortable. That's besides the point, b/c I don't want to R anymore. Moving back in changed it for me.

To be honest, I read a post about "Just Letting Go", and it mentioned letting go of people that don't value or respect you. I read that a while ago, but that hit me in a completely different light after I moved back in. While we were away, I only focused on the good times. Hence, why I missed her. She told me she was reminded of all the bad times. She brought up something that happened 12 years ago...waaaaay before we were married. I'm sorry, but I'm not that bad of a person where I deserve that. I deserve somebody so much better than her. I now don't value or respect her.

And so I lost all my feelings. And now, if she had an epiphany that she screwed up and wants to work it out, I wouldn't. So we tried working it out w/o lawyers (to keep the cost down), but I guess she changed her mind because she told me a week ago that she retained a lawyer. Now I have done the same.

So she is still involved with this low-life. He is a recovering addict (crack or heroin, I can't remember). On top of that, his ex-GF told me that he is divorced because he was emotionally and physically abusive to his ex-wife. This is a dirtbag that I DO NOT want around my girls. So my question is, do I still expose to try to break them up? She admitted that she hasn't told anybody in her life about him because "I tell them what I want to tell them". Or is it pointless at this point? As I mentioned, I don't care what she gets herself into. I just don't want my girls around him.

YES. And contact your attorney immediately and have him put it in your custody papers that your daughters not be exposed to her adultery partners. I would also run a background check on the OM.

You should expose the affair to everyone.

Also, "losing your feelings" is not really a good reason to give up. You are certainly within your rights to give up, but lost feelings can be found again. If you choose to give up, no one would fault you.