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I have no choice, I have to tell her I will contest if she has me served.. I will try to say it as nice as possible.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Your doing well even though it doesn't seem like it. Stand your ground be gentle, calm and firm. Don't roll over to her threats and demands remember you have a plan and most of the time WSs don't!
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Okay, here is the text I have ready to send. I know there isn't a lot of activity on the boards right now, so I may be flying solo here.
"WS, I understand why you would be uncomfortable around me. Please know though that I love you very much, but if you have me served, and I *really* don't want to do this, WS, but I will counter for D under grounds of adultery. Know that if I do, you and OM will more than likely have to testify under oath, and it will be a very ugly divorce. I really do not want to go that route. I will be extremely sad if I have to, that it would come to that. I would much rather resolve this peacefully. I would rather just meet you for coffee tomorrow, talk for a bit, take your papers so I can look at them and decide."
Good?
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Posts: 1,650
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I don't think you should tell her what you should do. Remember she is your enemy right now and revealing the plans can backfire. As for ugly divorce you should also say we won't be friends after divorce.
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Hmm.. If I don't tell her I'm going to counter, what should I say? I mean, I'm trying to convince her to get coffee with me. If I don't say anything back to her, she will just have me served.
Last edited by OddJob123; 05/18/13 09:38 PM.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 746
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I'm not a vet, but wouldn't it be better to keep it simple?
"WS I only talk marriage, not divorce. If you proceed know that we will not be friends after divorce, I will not see or speak to you again to protect myself. We can have a happy, loving marriage."
Me: 30
Him: 39
Together 5 years
Married the very best man in the world 04/06/2013 after being common law for too long. I'm a lucky woman.
7 Cats - Viscount Ashley of Leftfield, Pawkie Petunia, The Timinator, Leo the Lionheart, Fruit Snack, Cloud, and Barret
And our very lucky pony, Starbucks
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Suggested edit: "WS, I understand why you would be uncomfortable around me. Please know though that I love you very much, but if you have me served, and I *really* don't want to do this, WS, but I will counter for D under grounds of adultery. Know that if I do, you and OM will more than likely have to testify under oath, and it will be a very ugly divorce. I really do not want to go that route. I will be extremely sad if I have to, that it would come to that. I would much rather resolve this peacefully. I would rather just meet you for coffee tomorrow, talk for a bit, take your papers so I can look at them and decide."
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Joined: May 2013
Posts: 513
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OP
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I'm not a vet, but wouldn't it be better to keep it simple?
"WS I only talk marriage, not divorce. If you proceed know that we will not be friends after divorce, I will not see or speak to you again to protect myself. We can have a happy, loving marriage." That sounds really good, though I'm really trying to convince her to get coffee with me per MrW's advice. Maybe because of how hard she is fighting me, I should give up and just say what you just said.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Posts: 746
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Go with Prisca's advice, she's better than I am.
Me: 30
Him: 39
Together 5 years
Married the very best man in the world 04/06/2013 after being common law for too long. I'm a lucky woman.
7 Cats - Viscount Ashley of Leftfield, Pawkie Petunia, The Timinator, Leo the Lionheart, Fruit Snack, Cloud, and Barret
And our very lucky pony, Starbucks
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Joined: May 2013
Posts: 513
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Suggested edit: "WS, I understand why you would be uncomfortable around me. Please know though that I love you very much, but if you have me served, and I *really* don't want to do this, WS, but I will counter for D under grounds of adultery. Know that if I do, you and OM will more than likely have to testify under oath, and it will be a very ugly divorce. I really do not want to go that route. I will be extremely sad if I have to, that it would come to that. I would much rather resolve this peacefully. I would rather just meet you for coffee tomorrow, talk for a bit, take your papers so I can look at them and decide." I like it.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
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"WS I only talk marriage, not divorce. Please know though that I love you very much, but if you have me served, I will counter for D under grounds of adultery. Know that if I do, you and OM will more than likely have to testify under oath, and it will be a very ugly divorce. Let's meet for coffee tomorrow and talk."
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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"WS I only talk marriage, not divorce. Please know though that I love you very much, but if you have me served, I will counter for D under grounds of adultery. Know that if I do, you and OM will more than likely have to testify under oath, and it will be a very ugly divorce. Let's meet for coffee tomorrow and talk." Perfect!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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WHEWWWW... Kind of freaking out.. That is the most intense shocking text I have sent her yet. She is going to open her eyes wide when she sees that.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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WHEWWWW... Kind of freaking out.. That is the most intense shocking text I have sent her yet. She is going to open her eyes wide when she sees that. That text will burst her little divorce fantasy where you roll over without complaint while she replaces you with the OM.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Posts: 513
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It has been burst I am sure. I feel empowered atm.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Joined: May 2013
Posts: 513
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OP
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Posts: 513 |
I should have said it will be an ugly AND EXPENSIVE divorce. Oh well.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Joined: May 2013
Posts: 513
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OP
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Joined: May 2013
Posts: 513 |
Wow... This is what she said back:
"We are not getting divorced because of adultery. Even if that was included in the forms, it's not going to stop this. That will just end up costing us way more money, but the result will be the same. You don't love me, you want to posses me. This is not love; threats and ultimatums. Despite what you believe, you do not know what is best for me, so stop trying to get me to come back to you, that is not the right decision for me."
I DEFINITELY need your guys' help with this one. My emotions are dictating I respond in a very wrong way I think.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
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I would ignore her attempts to argue and just say:
"I will be at the coffee shop tomorrow at 11:00. Meet me there if you want to talk."
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Don't respond emotionally. Wait for advice. Sorry I have none other than ignore it as fogbabble.
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