Agreed Neak.
I suck at this! We had an event last night we had to attend and we totally ended up being touchy and lovey. Then no SF, and this morning he is totally cold, I'm sure due to the no SF after a nice evening. It is mixed signals, and it's torture b/c I want so badly to sweep this under the rug and have a loving relationship with my husband. I know that would only perpetuate the cake eating, but it still sucks. With no SF over here, I'm certain he will be just that much quicker to run to OW which is why he claims he started seeing her in the first place. Doesn't matter b/c I'm sure he has been seeing her since D day while we have been awesome, so whatever. Sorry for the rambling, just frustrated. Will continue with covert investigation to try to verify what I already very strongly suspect (and all of you confirm).

Update- the good news is that I am now 34 wks pregnant and at a point where the baby is out of danger! This is a first for me, and worth celebrating. My health is pretty stable and I could carry this baby full term.

The longer that WH and I are in this current FR, the more all of your advice makes sense to me. There has been no new evidence (despite my diligent and escalating snooping), except for further confirmation that the A began far before when he says it did. I read the FR thread and bells and whistles went off the whole time. He lies about tiny, insignificant things. He is being a model husband, but is too busy to finish SAA or begin the 5 steps workbook. If the A was over, he should be wanting to work as hard as I am to fix us. Instead, he gave me two trips for our anniversary, claiming that UA is the only thing we need to work on.

I have my list of EP's ready to go for after baby, and either he can agree to meet them, or it's Plan B. The one he will flip over is adding an infidelity clause to our pre-nup. But it's the only single thing that I can think of that will make him take this seriously. I do not want a divorce, but you guys are right that being desperate will not fix my situation.

My dilemma at the moment is that I had planned to have my tubes tied in the event that this baby is delivered via C section. I will have 3 children, and that is plenty! Now I have concerns about having to get a divorce and the possibility that I may meet someone in the future who would like to have another baby. All of that seems like sci-fi right now to me, but I am 32 and life is long, and, as I have recently come to realize, you just never know what your future holds!

I am incredibly depressed to have to be thinking this way. I am worn out by this (you all said it was stressful), losing hope every day and just about tapped out. I am so ready for this baby to be here so that we can move forward, the purgatory is killing me.

Obstetricians like to do tubals immediately after delivery because the enlarged uterus, with its attached Fallopian tubes and ovaries, is high up in the pelvis, and easy to access. However, it does NOT have to be done then, so putting off your tubal ligation immediately post-partum does not mean you can't have it done later, and just as well. Do not have a tubal if you're ambivalent like this. Reversals are expensive, invasive, and have no guarantee of success.

PIH can develop into pre-eclampsia, eclampsia, and DIC (a clotting disorder that can lead to death). Your OB needs to monitor you more closely while you're under stress. I hope you haven't kept this a secret from him. I have seen, and cared for, women with all of the above conditions. Some of them lived; a few of them died. Please be careful.

tl

Thank you for your insight. I remember from Neak's thread that you work in this department.
Yes, this is my third baby with this OB and she knows what is going on and is all over me! I had pre-e with DS, pre-e and a placental abruption with DD, so we are waiting for the other shoe to drop with this one. Pre-e itself doesn't scare me, but the abruption was truly terrifying. I check my BP several times daily and email her.

That's good to hear. I'm getting old(er) and my memory isn't hot, so most of the patients I remember are the ones where something bad enough happened that it sticks in my mind in spite of my age and cognitive decay. One of the comparatively few successes that I remember involved one of my fellow nurses, who came in with sudden bleeding at about 34 wks. By the time they got there, the bleeding had stopped, and she had no more after arriving.

A couple of hours later, the OB (and my favorite, too!) wanted to send her home, and the nurse was, like, "OK, whatever you say, Doctor." So I argued with both of them, citing her distance from the hospital, the large amount of blood she had passed at the family barbecue, etc., and that I thought they should take the baby now (repeat c/s) while everything was looking good, instead of waiting till the next crisis. After some "spirited" discussing, we headed down the hall to OR, where it was discovered during surgery that she had an abruption over 1/3 of the placental surface. I'm very pleased, whenever I think of it, that there is a little boy alive today, at least partly because of my stubbornness (which doesn't get a LOT of praise, ordinarily)!

I'm assuming your previous abruption was a critical, unanticipated event, and that you don't have a diagnosed marginal abruption this time around, because if you do, you and your OB should have a heart-to-heart chat about sexual activity. I've been disabled for 6 or 7 years now. Sometimes I miss L&D. I ALWAYS enjoy talking about it...not that you need to have a crisis just to keep me entertained!

tl

Yes, last time I was on bed rest at the hospital when it occurred (thank God). The surgeon said it was the most complete abruption he had ever seen and that if we had been at home, it was likely that neither of us would have made it. After that, we were happily done having babies, but God had another plan!
L&D are a special breed! The nurse who delivered my first baby and I are good friends now and I have her schedule from now until my due date saved in my phone. I was a birth center fail out, and having a very medicated induction was not something I was prepared for. Could not have had that boy without her!

Plan B? This morning I found out that our rental property is being listed by OW's boss, so essentially her! How does he think it's ok that she make money off selling the property that was their love nest?! It was so easy to find. This most definitely, in no uncertain terms, breaks NC. I emailed him the link to the web page with the listing had OW's name all over it, but that's all. Of course my BP is crazy right now. I'm starting to think that the best thing is to formulate a Plan B letter today and have my Mom come up to help with the kids and kick him out. I physically and emotionally have reached my breaking point. I have no evidence of a continued affair, but in my gut, I am positive. I don't think I can continue this Happy Family charade while finding out damning evidence every time I start digging. I can't handle him loving on me and telling me how wonderful I am, while I am sure he is still seeing her.

We a now in a terrible plan A/B. We are living in the same house, but in a very chilly room mate relationship. This is what Dr H recommended b/c of my health, but it's very hard. The crazy part is that it is so hard not to be nice to him, touch him, etc. what is wrong with me? I gave him a modified plan B letter, and I am glad. It was really good to lay out my requirements for recovery (one of witch is adding an infidelity clause to our pre-nup), b/c he just wants to sweep everything under the rug while continuing his affair. Now he knows what it will take to get back to a recovery state with me, and he is miserable (as am I). On Monday, barring any health complications, I'm taking the kids to my Moms for several days. It's 3 hrs away, and I hate to be that far away from my Dr and hospital, but I need to get away from him, and he needs to miss us. I'm not afraid he will just run to her, b/c I don't think he every quit doing that. He is just as likely and free to do it on a Tuesday at 3 as he is if I leave for awhile.

Here is my question- is it too late to expose to OW's people? I never did, but this crap about her being our realtor for our rental property really hacks me off, and I feel like her boss has a right to know. I it were my name on the business, I would want to know. While I am at it, I finally, after much digging, found her 19 yr old son, parents and a sister or cousin on FB, so I could expose to them too. I know this is all out of order and I should have done it before, but I couldn't find them , and in all honesty, have been afraid to light the fuse on this bomb. After some time and a lot of reading, I feel like exposure is necessary (he is still deep, deep in the fog, yesterday he lied to me about pancake syrup). But is my timeline so wrong that I should just skip it now?

Question #2- he cheated on me when we were first living together, before we were engaged. He denied it, but I had pretty clear evidence. I decided to just get over it (thank you former self for your incredible ability to bury head in sand). I just read the serial cheater thread today, and a lot of it adds up for my WH. I can contact that OW and after all this time, I kind of think I could just take her to coffee and ask her some questions. I do not have the same hate for her b/c WH and I were not even engaged and I feel like even though she knew about me, he was feeding her a nice string of lies. I would like to know more abut their relationship to shed some light on what is wrong with him, but will that just complicate current matters? Ignorance is bliss! Thoughts?

I would still expose to OW's side, definitely yes.

About him cheating before you were married, is it cheating when you weren't even married? What is your purpose to talk to her?

So Dr. Harley wants you to live with your WH and BE in Plan A? Does Dr. H know your WH is continuing his affair? Are you sure he is still in his affair?

What was Your WH's answer to your conditions for recovery?

You are unfortunately experienced with the symptoms of worsening PIH. You can watch for them at your mom's house as well as you can anywhere else. And you check your BP several times daily, I think you said. If I were in your shoes, and I wanted to go, I would do it in a heartbeat...of course, I am a TERRIBLE patient, so I'm not actually TELLING you to follow in my non-compliant footsteps, but if things are stable for you, pregnancy-wise, I don't see anything making it so it's not safe for you to get away for a break.

tl

P.S. Don't lie on your back. It makes your BP go up. How close is your mom's house to a hospital?

Well your health is definitely your #1 priority. So if your mom's place is less stressful, then do it.

When is your due date?

Also, if you find out he hasn't ended the affair and won't commit to your list of EPs for recovery then Plan B will be so much healthier for you.

Due date is 6/25, but this is the most pregnant I have ever been by 4 weeks. I have delivered both of my kids at about the 30 week mark. Yes, my mom's is way less stressful and my family there will fight over who gets to take my 3 yr old DS for the day!

He claims to have ended it, but I don't think you can end it and then use the OW as your realtor to sell your love nest. Clearly breaking NC, and according to all the MB tales, a solid indicator that he is deep in the fog. He now has my list of EP's, but they are steep and he is yet to tell me that he is ready to undertake them. Praying that some exposure this week will help break through the fog. At the very least, it will make her have a really bad week, and I think she is about due for that.

So when are you dropping the exposure bomb? Please try and not get yourself worked up. Your health is too important.

Today. Very nervous.

please let us know how you're doing!

I got all my exposure done, and then my letter to OW. Must say that it feels pretty good. Haven't heard back from anyone and I may not, which is totally fine. I feel confident that she will hear about it, and that is the main thing. I just sent my letter to her. I really hope she doesn't respond at all. What can be said? WH has called twice just to check on us, so I'm pretty sure he hasn't heard from her about it. Bracing myself for any reaction at all from him. Exposure scares me, but i am a believer in the MB principles and all the vets here, so im glad its done!
Other than that, just pretty darn pregnant and cooped up with my babies due to these nasty storms.
Thanks for the check in!

Wow! Fantastic!

So who was on your list?