Hang in there lost, here comes the rollercoaster.

You should be questioning and verifying as you go.

For all we know POSOMS baby mama is trying to get you to back off.

Hopefully the exposure will give WW a moment of pause in regards to POSOM.

And if WW threatens D. Take it with a grain of salt and instead ask her out for some ice cream.

My exWW said for months that she was filing, had filed, met with lawyers, is a lawyer. All lies.

This is just beginning you have a lot of time to recover this M.

Thanks for the advice. I am doing ok today, still hurting but ok. I am working on my personnel improvements. I went and got groceries in the house so I can start eating. I also hit the gym on my lunch break today. I have kept the house clean and inviting. I have been trying to keep myself busy. I have not contacted WS at all nor has she tried to contact me.

I did notice WS drove by our house last night on her way to her parents. She does not have to go by our house to get there. I stayed strong and did not text or call her. I will keep trying to do things to improve myself so I come out a better man.

L&S

Text her every now and again, or email, as long as you keep it light and fluffy. Tell a joke, share a funny story, keep upbeat. Don't expect a response, and if get one at all, even an angry one, it's a bonus.

To start, make this once or twice a day. Nothing serious, nothing about ILY or relationships, just something short and funny to make her smile. You're in Plan A, not Plan B. Plan A is no begging, and Plan B is no contact.

After a little while, as she starts to respond more positively to your small contacts, invite her to go do something fun.

You're not anywhere near ready for Plan B yet.

Well, I came home today to find out that WS had taken some things from the house. She took our laptop, our ipod player from the kitchen and a rack from our bathroom. I was shocked. Thus far she has only taken clothes.

I have not contacted her. Nor has she tried to contact me. I am not sure what my next move is. Any advice? I want to call or text her so bad, it is just really hard to keep my control and not beg her to come back. I have not done that and do not plan to.

I hung the wedding canvas prints yesterday which I know she saw today. I was thinking about leaving an old love letter she wrote me on the table for tomorrow. Is this a good idea?

L&S

Tomorrow you change the locks.

Waywards suck, there's really no two ways about it!

On the table is a little too pushy. Put it on your bedside stand, and tucked so it's almost hidden.

Tonight, text her something like, "What did the horse say when he tipped over? 'Help! I've fallen, and I can't giddyup!'" Silly, nothing to do with the A, nothing to do with begging her to come back. Just reaching out to say you're thinking of her, without giving her any insight into what you're actually thinking.

And for a few brief moments, she'll be thinking of you. Even wondering if you've lost your mind is still thinking of you.

Your goal is to begin to have these short moments of positive interaction. So send her that joke or another one like it, with no additional comment. That's your assignment for tonight.

Neak,

Is there a way to put the love letter she wrote me so I know she read it. I will proceed with the joke. Thank you for the help. I do well with assignments. Also, would it be ok to text her in the morning and tell her I hope you have a good day?

Fold it and insert a very small piece of paper, like a hole punch size or less in the crease. When it gets unfolded to be looked at, the small scrap will unnoticeably fall out.

LTL

The morning text is a good idea, maybe something like "Hey cutie, have a great day!" That would let her know that you find her attractive, but without sexual or even loving overtones, and it's really hard to argue against someone telling you to have a nice day even if you're a really contrary wayward.

Neak,
I did leave a love note WS wrote me a long time ago kind of hidden on her side of the bed. But it is noticeable. Also, I did not text her lastnight. I was thinking about texting her tonight before bed with a joke.

WS is a special education teacher so I was going to send something like "Why did the cross eyed teacher lose her job? Cause she couldn't control her pupils." Then text her tomorrow morning with "Good Morning Beautiful, have a good day." Ws used to love waking up to sweet texts from me. And suggestions/advice?

L&S

Sounds like a great plan! Love the cross-eyed teacher joke. Just keep thinking of more things along this same line.
Think back to the early days of your courtship and M. What else worked? What did she like?

Just be tactful with your responses.

If you fire off a text and she responds with anger, don't feed into that anger by arguing with her.

Likewise, if she doesn't respond, don't send a bunch of texts asking her why she isn't responding.

Just let it process with her.

You want to avoid validating "her" reasons why she chose to have the A in the first place.

And you will certainly validate that for her, by arguing with her, bringing up R talk, A talk etc. Let her bring those subjects up.

Don't lovebust. Let her do that with POSOM.

This doesn't mean you roll over either, be firm on your stance, that you want to recover this marriage and there is a plan.

EX: Scn # 1

You : "Insert joke"

WW : "I can't believe you told everyone, I hate you, it's over, we are never getting back together"

You : "I understand you are upset/angry"

Just validate her feelings, don't add your own opinions, let her lead the conversation. If she asked why you did such and such, just hold the line that you want to recover the M.

Scn # 2

You : "Insert joke"

WW : "LOL, that is funny"

You : "I thought so too, have a good day/night"

Leave it at that, don't force anymore conversation than she is willing to have. Small steps. If she responded good night or you too, simply respond with thank you hun or .

When you are having a positive reaction, a lot of people try to force that reaction into a R talk or A talk. Don't Do That. Leave the conversation on a high note. If you continue to talk, talk about good memories b/w you two, funny stuff.

You determine how the conversation ends.

Baby steps, stay in Plan A, don't expect much in the beginning, if anything at all from her. Also be thinking of what needs POSOM is giving her and how you can fill those needs.

I am going to follow through with this tonight. I am not expecting a response or any kind of acknowledgement. If she does I will let her lead the conversation but stand firm and not bring up R or A talk.

I will not ague, I just feel like I need to contact her. It has been 5 days since I have text, spoke or even seen WS. Any other Plan A suggestions. I thought about tomorrow leaving another love letter she wrote me a long time ago again in the same place.

L&S

If you're not sure what to say in response to something, post here and wait till someone replies. It's better to take your time and let her wait a bit, than to rush in hastily. If it's a phone conversation rather than text, just say sweetly, "Wow, you've given me a lot to think about. Let me get back to you on that. Well, got some stuff to do, so I'd better run. Have a great evening!"

How about a love letter barely sticking out from under your pillow?If you make it fairly easy to find, but shuffle things around, it may keep her on her toes looking for it. Then, once in a while to keep things shook up, don't put anything.

An off-balance WS is the best kind to have. They're confused enough already, so the more you confuse them, the more confused they are. Doesn't quite make sense? Neither does a WS. :)That's why you being slightly unpredictable is good.

Neak,

That is a great idea. I will put the letter under her pillow tomorrow but noticeable where she can find it. I am using the love letters she wrote to me. I feel this will help her realize how she used to feel about me and that we used to be really happy.

I will eventually write her a love letter expressing why I love her and bring up specific times when we were happy. Plan A is really hard when WS is not living at home.

I am just expecting to come home today to more stuff missing from the house.

L&S

Lost-

Def. contact her tonight.

If it's a positive interaction I would wait another 24hrs before you contact her again. But that is me. Let some of the vet's chime in on that one.

My personal thinking is, atleast when I dealt with my WW, I started to notice a trend that when I would have a positive interaction and tried to immediately follow that up, it would fail on her end, she would start to close up on me.

I found that if I waited a day or two it would again be positive. I think it just needs time to process with her. Almost as if it's too much of a good thing to quickly.

Plus it leaves her wondering, she is going to want to know why you didn't send a text etc. All good things b/c she is thinking of you, and it may prompt her to reach out to you.

She is going to bounce back b/w you and POSOM so there is that conflict in her mind, understand that.



And don't be worried if she doesn't respond or is hostile.

Think of it as planting seeds. It takes time.

You are doing good.

The only way I can describe Plan A is by saying that it was awful for me. There will be times when you want to yell and scream, but you can't. And there will be mistakes, just the nature of it.

The goal for you is to be a caring and understanding husband, all while trying to deposit, if any, love units. This doesn't mean a pushover. Women don't respect that. If she brings up POSOM, you simply say there is no room in our marriage for another person, I want to recover our marriage and build a wonderful life with you and I have a plan to do that.

Vets,

What do you think about finah's comment? Should I text tonight and then wait a few days while still leaving the love letters she wrote me?

L&S

I think I'd go with one brief contact in the morning, and one in the evening. But as with many thing you'll do, shake it up every once in a while. Just about the time she gets the rhythm and starts to expect to hear from you, skip one. A little later, throw in one extra at an odd time.

Depending on her reactions, your initial tentative plan can always be modified. There's no one right answer here; you're going to be trying to negotiate your way within an effective range. You can vary a bit, and still be within that range.

Ok, so I came home today and nothing else was missing. WS did throw away a couple of candles from our wedding that were on our piano.

Also, the letter was gone. I searched to see if it was with all of the other letters. It was not. When I went to throw something in the trash I noticed that the mail I threw away yesterday was not on top. This made me curious and it got the best of me. I then discovered WS ripped up the love letter she wrote me and tried to hide it in the bottom of the trash can.

Do you guys think it is ok to still text her tonight with my joke? Is it still ok to leave another love letter she wrote me under her pillow tomorrow?

L&S