Speaking of paychecks, and their source....

Do I recall that WW is a Special Ed teacher? Did your exposure list include a selection of her closest (cattiest?) co-workers? (Remember, Plan A specifically includes the admonition NOT to prevent the fallout from her adultery from landing on her. I'm not sure how administrators would view an adulteress instructing students, many of whom already wrestle with emotional disabilities.)

Don't be scared to make that decision to change the locks.

IMO change them.

I have not written DR. Harley. I am thinking that I should stop with the text and love letters and give WS her space to think about things. And start doing things to improve myself. I have started going back to the gym and started spending a lot more time with my dog(walks, dog parks ect.)

L&S

It's ok if you don't want to fight for your M. It's ok if you want to fight for your M. But the whole limbo thing, where you plan to fight and then do nothing, will only drag out your pain in the long run.

All in, or all out. That's my best advice.

Lost,

Don't stop doing any of these things. Plan A is all about looking your best and that means continuing to be pleasant as well as fixing yourself. Giving her space is going to give her the freedom to pursue her A. Sorry but you have to make things difficult for her if you have any hope of saving this. A's thrive on secrecy.

This.

Ok guys here is an update. I know I haven't been on in a few days. I just needed a break for myself and to do some fun things with my personal support group to take my mind off of things.

Wednesday I cam home to find a few more things of WS missing from the home. That is fine they were her things. Wednesday night I sent another joke and no response. Ok, so before work on Thursday I left another love letter on the bed.

When I returned from work I came home to find WS had taken some more things from the house. WS had taken all of the love letters from our filing cabinet. WS also took two file folders from the filing cabinet. One contained everything we have ever signed when we purchased our home. The second contained everything I signed for when I purchased our Harley. WS also took all of the extra checks we had.

From the garage WS took all of her softball bats for coaching. WS did take her senior photos that she had given we when we first started dating.

I got scared and worried that maybe the next day I would come home to an empty house so I went our and changed all of the deadbolts on the house. Than night I sent WS a text that said "Hey, we need to talk. It doesn't have to be about "us" but we do need to talk about our finances as we are going through this situation." I left it at that and no response.

I figured I would get a call or text the next day when WS cam home to let the dog out and couldn't get in. I did not. WS opened her own checking account and took half of the money in it. WS did get in the garage somehow. Her bike was missing and the garage door was left unlocked.

I contacted a lawyer and have a consultation Sept 3rd. WS has been posting on FB and twitter of her out with friends at the bar having a good time eating her cake.

I am not sure what to do about the joint checking account because all of our bills come out of that account electronically. Some in our name some in hers and some in mine? I have opened my own checking account.

Tanks for sticking with me!
L&S

Lost

Call around for another lawyer ASAP, this needs to happen next week.

Just so you can freeze all marital assets.

Did she take any personal items that were in your name only? Can she get into the house if you're gone?

Do you have all credit cards with your name shut off?

While you're taking all the other steps you need to protect yourself, keep sending the funny stuff. Since in most places, a WS is entitled to break in if they're locked out (though I still support locking them out!), look through anything else, and secure it off the premises if you don't want to lose it.

If you weren't having any impact on her at all, she'd have no problem seeing you. It would do nothing to her. She doesn't want to see you because she KNOWS it will stir up her feelings, and muddy up water that right now feels clear. (And in reality is sewage.)

So protect yourself financially, while continuing with your plan to be the better man.

Don't close any accounts that are in your name only. She can't legally use those cards. DO close any accounts that you have with her jointly. If you have a balance, they won't close your account. Let your card issuers know that you want no further activity on your account. That will put a freeze on your account.

Thanks for catching that. I should have been more specific.

Joint cards together.

No prob, Brainy. I knew what you were saying. Just making sure the poster was clear.

The only thing WS took that was in my name only was the paperwork on my motorcycle. I cant close the joint account at this time as all of our bills come out of that account automatically.

WS cannot get in the home now since I have changed the locks. Unless of course she breaks in. We do not have any credit cards and she has opened her own banking account. I have also opened my own account as well.

WS is deleting all pictures of her and I off of FB/ instagram. I am going to secure any and all paperwork from the home. Tomorrow I am going to get all of the bills changed into my name and set up to come out of my new account. As far as a lawyer I am going to call and set up a few consultations tomorrow so I can get some information ASAP.

I just don't know what to do at this point I feel like I am screwed on every aspect.

L&S

Move fast and do as much as possible as quickly as possible tomorrow. Can you afford a safe deposit box to put important things in?

Okay, so you've opened a new account in your name only. Can you contact the vendors who are automatically debiting your checking now, and give them your new account information? It may take a few days to switch over, but they shouldn't have any trouble switching over the account info.

Ok so I took the day off of work and got all of the bills switched over to the ne account in my name only. I also have removed all pictures, WS wedding rings and paperwork that I wanted to keep safe. I have ran a credit check on the both of us to ensure at this time we are ok credit wise.

Just in case WS tries to get credit cards and stuff in my name. WS had jury duty today. I sent her a text this morning that said "Goof morning, I hope you have fun at jury duty today. I hope you get an exciting case."

As I expected no response. Any other things I should be thinking about financially that I may have missed? My brain is mush after today. This has kept me busy but I feel like I am missing something.

L&S

Are there any bills being automatically debited from your new account that are WW's responsibility as a newly-forged wayward? Don't pay for her rent or anything else connected to her decision to leave the marriage. Don't pay her personal credit card bills, etc.

Caveat: If you are paying for her cell phone, you may want to continue doing so if you are collecting intel from the service provider's website regarding her affair. She may not think of that, and will believe she's pulled one over on you by not having to pay for a new cell phone account. Cancelling her phone may also cost you an early termination fee. I'd let this slide for now if you are using info from the service provider's website to collect intel.

The idea is to NOT finance her swingin' single lifestyle. She needs to pay her own bills and finance her own lifestyle if she is choosing to be wayward. You don't finance that. That's a dose of reality that she needs to experience.

I only changed my bills mortgage, utilities and my personal things. I did not change any of her personal bills over. She has opened her own account and took half of the money that was in our joint account. I took the other half and put it in my new account. I left $300 in the joint account to cover any bills that are due before the auto pay starts on my account.

WS has her own cell phone in her own name now. So I have no control over that. I will not pay any of her bills.

We still have not had any contact. I have tried to text her and ask her to talk about finances and as always no response. I am not sure what to do at this point. WS cannot get in the house anymore since she has proven that she will take things from the home.

Im not sure how to go about Plan A stuff since there is absolutely no contact.

L&S

You can always put a credit freeze in your name (social security #) by contacting each of the 3 credit bureaus. This will prevent any lines of credit being opened in your name.