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hello Im here ive been reading alot of posts & i finally got up enough courage to ask 4 some help I really screwed up & did the dumbest thing since the affair it self.
My bs had me write a letter of no contact 2 send 2 ap & also was going 2 go nuclar on exposure & 4 some dumb reason with out thinking I called ap & left a message she was about to be exposed. after I hung up I realized how stupid that was especially when I ended the relation ship & have not communicated with her in awhile.
I sincerely regret my stupidity & after I admitted what I did 2 my wife she is understandably very upset.
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I really truly love my wife & want 2 build a new stronger marriage & I do understand this behavior is not acceptable in any way shape or form.
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Hi Dumbman, welcome to Marriage Builders. I don't believe you are "dumb" at all. I believe it takes a lot of cleverness, sneakiness and strategic planning to carry on an affair as long as you have. Only a very shrewd cat would cry crocodile tears to his victim begging for forgiveness and when his victim is not looking, knife her in the back again by contacting his skank.
So how about changing your screen name to something HONEST? Like "polecat," "playah" or "ShrewdMan?"
You are about as "dumb" as a fox, my friend.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I really truly love my wife & want 2 build a new stronger marriage & I do understand this behavior is not acceptable in any way shape or form. That "love" does not protect her from your destructive, cruel behavior, though. Love is demonstrated by actions, not by empty words that don't match your actions. So saying you "love her" and your actions were "unacceptable" is meaningless. Didn't you say all this before? How will she be protected in the future?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Having an affair and then tricking your spouse into a false recovery is not a "dumb" action, but a MEAN, CRUEL, SELFISH action. It takes a very shrewd fox to pull that off.
A fox is not dumb, he is cruel and calculating.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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well I suppose I could change my screen name I don't feel that would help the matter at hand.we have been reading & doing a lot of marriage builders & I usually initiate working on our new relationship & look forward to scheduling time & reading the books.
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.we have been reading & doing a lot of marriage builders & I usually initiate working on our new relationship & look forward to scheduling time & reading the books. You have also been having an affair and calling your OW AFTER you told your wife your affair was over so apparently all that "reading and scheduling time" was for show, wasn't it? It was a big scam. What is she supposed to do with the fact that you go to work and call up your OW? How will she be protected from that the next time you go to work?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I really feel we made many improvements in our marriage since we started marriage builders. I quickly recognized
I had many faults & changed them as quickly as i could.
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MrBlindsided, can you tell me the #1 problem with having an affair?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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hello Im here ive been reading alot of posts & i finally got up enough courage to ask 4 some help I really screwed up & did the dumbest thing since the affair it self.
My bs had me write a letter of no contact 2 send 2 ap & also was going 2 go nuclar on exposure & 4 some dumb reason with out thinking I called ap & left a message she was about to be exposed. after I hung up I realized how stupid that was especially when I ended the relation ship & have not communicated with her in awhile.
I sincerely regret my stupidity & after I admitted what I did 2 my wife she is understandably very upset. You've a lot of explaining to do, mister. Sadly, I'm several hours ahead of you on the clock and I cannot stay up to hear it. You need to tell us how you had the cruelty to do the things you did to your wife over so many years and how you have the cruelty to still be doing them. I warn you not to come crying crocodile tears to this forum in the hope that your wife will see the gesture as an indication of your sincerity. We will not convince her that you are serious and that she should forgive you if that's what you hope to achieve merely by wringing your hands here for a day or two. We can help you rebuild your marriage but you need to start from a position of honesty. We won't help you abuse your poor wife any more.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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I really feel we made many improvements in our marriage since we started marriage builders. I quickly recognized
I had many faults & changed them as quickly as i could. You were having an affair. How is that an "improvement?" If a man beats his wife, do you think it will matter if he helps her do the dishes? I assure you it matters not. What you did to your wife was more traumatic than rape or physical assault. And you did it over and over again. How is that an improvement?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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So what would you say to a man whose beaten, bloody wife was lying on the floor from a fresh beating when he told you:
"I really feel we made many improvements in our marriage since we started marriage builders. I quickly recognized
I had many faults & changed them as quickly as i could!"
You must think I am a DumbWoman if you think that is believable.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I really feel we made many improvements in our marriage since we started marriage builders. I quickly recognized
I had many faults & changed them as quickly as i could. As a FWS, I can tell you, there's no way you've "recognized and changed" your many faults this quick. Especially after breaking the NC, you originally initiated. Are you truly remorseful? Are you humbled? What EP's have you put in place? What JC is being given to your BS?
FWW, 36
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We decided along with my gps tracking device i will also carry a voice activated recorder in my shirt pocket. No the scheduling of time & readings were not for show we really practiced them. I obviously did not realize the ramifications or the severity of any contact with OW even years latter.Thats why I feel so stupid I also ended contacting ow on my own after the realization.
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we have been reading & doing a lot of marriage builders & I usually initiate working on our new relationship & look forward to scheduling time & reading the books. 
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I changed jobs less pay less hours closer 2 home.Yes I truly & deeply remorseful. Yes humbled ,I truly have new stronger feeling 4 my wife,gps tracking device ,no drive zone, started going to church again aft d day, changed my phone #, total transparency ,texting during day, quit smoking, wear a vioce activated recorder.
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I changed jobs less pay less hours closer 2 home.Yes I truly & deeply remorseful. Yes humbled ,I truly have new stronger feeling 4 my wife,gps tracking device ,no drive zone, started going to church again aft d day, changed my phone #, total transparency ,texting during day, quit smoking, wear a vioce activated recorder. If you DID have total transparency, you would never have called your AP to "warn" her of what was coming, likewise for being remorseful, if you WERE truly remorseful for YOUR A, for betraying your spouse, leaving a message for the OW would never have crossed your mind. Is it possible your feelings of remorse etc, for contacting the OW, are because you realized you'd get caught for doing so? Would you still have confessed to your BS what you had done in terms of "warning the OW" if you'd known you'd never get caught?
FWW, 36
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I don't think u r a dumb women. when I was referring 2 changes I made Alot had 2 do with myself & how I was treating my wife.I do realize what I did 2 my wife & how serious this is that's why I'm here asking 4 so help/guidance.
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I changed jobs less pay less hours closer 2 home.Yes I truly & deeply remorseful. Yes humbled ,I truly have new stronger feeling 4 my wife,gps tracking device ,no drive zone, started going to church again aft d day, changed my phone #, total transparency ,texting during day, quit smoking, wear a vioce activated recorder. And you just contacted your OW. You can call the OW all day long from cell phones at work and she call them. What did the OW tell her family members about the upcoming exposure letters from your wife? What was your girlfriends story to her family?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I don't think u r a dumb women. when I was referring 2 changes I made Alot had 2 do with myself & how I was treating my wife.I do realize what I did 2 my wife & how serious this is that's why I'm here asking 4 so help/guidance. You were just in touch with your OW, so it is unrealistic to imagine anything has changed. What changed? Your underwear? You have treated your wife horribly by contacting the OW. You just contacted the OW because you put her before your wife.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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