Eden13, passing this along from a former vet on this forum:

Here is your game plan. Most betrayed husbands haven't the courage to follow it fully, to their own discomfiture. Those that do have remarkably better results than the rest.

THE BETRAYED HUSBAND SURVIVAL KIT

1- KEEP ALL THESE ARRANGEMENTS SECRET FROM YOUR WAYWARD WIFE!
2 � Put a keylogger on any computer you can access that she might use.
3 � Put a spy program on any cell that she might use. (�Eblaster� can cover #4 as well.)
4 � Put a GPS on her car, reporting to your computer.
5 � Put a VAR in her car, and in any room she might use to take �personal� calls
6 � Get a mini-audio-recorder, and have it in your possession and �on� whenever in her presence.
7 � Put together an e-address list of anyone who might have influence on her � parents, siblings (sisters, especially), coworkers, college friends, clergy, hairdresser, anyone.
8 � Put together a similar list for the POSOM.


WHEN YOU HAVE SUFFICIENT EVIDENCE,

9 � Put together the electronic evidence for each AP.
10 - Write a cover note for your wife�s contacts, to the tune of: �I must unhappily inform you that my wife, XXXXXX, is carrying on an illicit affair with YYYYYY. I am hoping to recover our marriage, and ask if you have any influence over her, to urge her to abandon her cheating lifestyle and return to me and our family. Her cell number is 111-222-3333�
11 � Write a similar note to POSOM�s contacts.
12 � Send out both packages, to all contacts at one time.
13 � Brace yourself.

Godspeed!

What would she be ashamed of? Is she doing something wrong? All you are doing is spreading the good news. You don't' expose to her facebook friends, though. You expose to OM's facebook friends. You expose to her friends and family via email, facebook, phone call. Try to hit as many of the OM's facebook friends as possible.

But no, you don't "punish" her at all. But you do expose to as many people as possible because you don't know who will be able to get through to her. Exposure is not "punishment," it is therapeutic.

I am shocked at how brazen your wife is. Most adulterers are not this brazen and in your face. Is there a reason why she is so cruel?

I think she is so brazen because she is justifying her actions based my history of alcoholism, difficult financial circumstances, me leaving or losing jobs, my apparent inability to make enough income to support family, �forcing� her to get a job after ten years as stay at home mom, and general lovebusting behaviors. She said she�d file for divorce on grounds of my underemployment. I have been in recovery for my alcoholism for two years and my mental and spiritual state has improved, allowing me to see that hers has not been so great. A year ago someone introduced us to Harville Hendrix books and we tried that, in terms of practicing more love building behaviors. It was somewhat helpful but neither of us followed it wholeheartedly. Then came the OM. I had started working nights and weekends in retail, so I was not seeing my family the way I had been used to. I was missing weekend activities like kids friends� birthday parties. At one of these parties is where WW was reintroduced to OM. She had actually gone on a date with him 15 years earlier (he is the bother of one of her best friends). I certainly recognize working nights and weekends is love busting for our relationship. Especially now that she is working full time during the day. Only see her about an hour in morning before work and an hour after she comes home and before I work. Perhaps that is why the situation is really coming to a head now, since she started job two months ago. When I first discovered OM I at first was resentful, that I think I natural began to compete with him, doing more love building behaviors. She said the only reason I was doing this was because of other man. Perhaps it was. Maybe I really needed this A to wake me up to how bad things were. Just sorry I didn�t take action sooner.

In her past relationships before I met her she looked for a man to take her away from things, usually older man, who would zoom her away in his care. This A reminds me of that. I certainly have a less take charge personality, and this is something she has been concerned about for a while. She has always said that I don�t have a mind of my own, that I do whatever she says, r what other people tell me to do. I do have an issue with this that I am working on. For the last couple months she has purposefully not been telling me what to do, in many ways. I do feel a relief in this in that I am free to make own decisions and take responsibility for them. It certainly has been a big adjustment for me. Through this I have strengthened my resolve to try to save and heal marriage. I feel the descision to expose the A is a huge step for me. Most of my friends tell me I should just leave. They ask me why I want to stay in a dead marriage. I told them it is just something I believe in, I believe WW and I can heal together. I know it will be a lot of hard work but I guess this is my last chance.

For the sake of your child you should give it a shot.
Expose and plan A for 6 months
You need to expose ASAP

She isn't very familiar with the richer/poorer part of the marrriage vows is she? But that's not unusual as far as wayward-speak goes. As ML says her rather blatant cruelty is unusual though.

Your prognosis for busting up the A isn't bad if you expose properly. OM sounds like a professional playah who will simply dump her for easier meat when it gets too hot for comfort.

I wouldn't waste too much time on worrying about their shame. They are dining out in public with very little regard for any shame they should feel. It will actually take a lot of work on your part to get them to feel the natural sense of shame which stops the majority of us doing shocking things.

I think exposing such a professional playah as this OM publicly will help save many people. Also your wife desperately needs help in living a good life from her nearest and dearest.

You wont help her by keeping the crack house curtains drawn while she shoots up.

I finally mase my first exposures by phone. Can not do facebook exposures until tomorrow as home computer freezes up in facebook and ibrary is closed for Veterans Day.

I exposed to OM's father and sister(WW's best friend), WW other best friend,WW godmother

Tried to call OM wife but got man who said I had wrong number. Will try fb messaging her tomorrow. According to OM sister their divorce is close to being finalized, but not yet.

Also made full disclosure to WW mother whom has always been supportive of marriage despite our years of marriage issues.

Will expose to WW siblings tomorrow via fb, though I could call them. What method would be better? Does it really matter?

I feel a lot of relief but am still on edge.

I am planning on exposing to my kids after school and before WW gets home from work.

Is it bad that I have to wait till tomorrow to do fb exposure?

You may be blocked on FB by them both by then. Can you go to a relatives or friends house and use their computer? At the very least try to get OM's friends list copied and pasted into a word doc so you can look the targets up later.

Thanks. I have copied them into a word doc and am trying to send as many as I can today.

Good job

I see that for some of you who are divorced that these methods have not been successful at rocovering your marriages. What is the acual rate of success?

eden,

Is it bad that I have to wait till tomorrow to do fb exposure?

Not perfect, but better than waiting 10 or 20 years and regretting doing nothing, or more commonly waiting 6 months and then telling the folks on MB I wished I had listened.

Stay on the job!

God Bless
Gamma

I don't think it will hurt anything to do your fb exposures tomorrow. What did these people say about the affair? Will they be calling your WW and/or the OM to express their thoughts? What did the OM's father and sister say? Can you speak to his mother?

Are you keeping a recorder on at all times when you're around her? You know, I don't know, I don't know if this is good idea or not but if he does show back upto take out your wife, I'd get up, get my keys and tell her I'm not watching the kids while she goes out and has an affair. I might only stay gone for 5 min but I sure wouldn'tmake it easy for her to rrun off with him

Not all marriages should be recovered. In my case Dr Harley would not have recommended I even try, as I am pretty young and there are no children. I gave my WH a very short term opportunity to do the plans before moving on quite quickly.

There are also those waywards who come around one or two years into Plan B but by then the BS has healed and lost all interest in recovery. So not every divorced MBer is divorced against their will - most of us actively chose it over recovery.

Dr Harley says 95 per cent of all Affairs end within two years post exposure when the plans are followed. After that it all depends on whether your wayward is up for following an MB plan.

In two years on these forums I've never seen an A successfully go the distance after exposure. Never heard of it happening from the other vets and neither has Dr H in 20 years.

I've also never seen the plan for marital recovery fail if it is followed by two spouses and I've never seen the plan for personal recovery fail if it is followed by the BS.

The personal recovery plan ensures you do not end up being a) cheated on indefinitely or b) sign up for a false recovery where she has a second A.

As for marital recovery, it depends if she can be a buyer and sign up to the conditions after her A is over. If she does, it always works.

So I would say the plans work 100 per cent of the time when they are followed correctly.

Very good point. I'd also cut off any Affair contact resources you are paying for. If it's within your power to cancel the car/phone/internet, do so. Let her figure out how to pay for her A stuff.

I need to clarify. Tell me if the following are true:

1)I only expose to wife's close friends and family, not all of her entire ffacebook friend list

2) I do expose to other man's entire facebook list and his family.

Question? Can OM file harrassment or libel when I message hi s entire friend list?

1) I would expose to wifes closest family and friends.
2) expose to OM entire facebook list.

Dr Harleys advise is thorough exposure.
Regarding OM filing harassment, people can file for anything.
I exposed to OM friend list and I was threatened with lawsuits (he used my wife to threaten me lol) well nothing came of that.
You can't be sued for telling the truth.

Don't focus on what OM is worried about, focus on exposure

Correct.


As many as possible. Prioritize by starting off with his family, then married friends. Get to as many as possible. BE SURE you speak to his parents. Even if you have to go to their house.


No, it is not harassment or libel to tell the truth. And it is not in his best interest to do so because then he will have his affair dragged through the public court. It would be more public.

Anybody can file for anything. The more relevant questions are would he file, and could he win? Harassment implies repeated behavior even after a request is made to desist. A one-shot message hardly qualifies as that. Libel requires falsehood. Are you lying or telling the truth? For OM to take you to court, he has to be willing to address that issue under oath. How likely is that to happen?

I have not heard back from any of them directly but wife knows I called OM father and sister and my wife's friends. OM father told me that he wasn't in agreement with the affair and said he didn't know how he could help but he'd try. OM lives in apartment in his paren�ts house so there could be good influence there. Although father said that he did not think my wife had been spending two nights a week at the house, probably because she comes late and leaves early, and OM usually picks her up so her car is not involved.

OM sister (WW best friend) said she had discussed things with WW and was never supportive of the A, regardless of whether or not my wife and I stay together. She believes we can not work through issues while this affair is going on. She said she is not talking to my wife because f it. She was alerted to the affair several months ago when WW and our kids slept over at OM sister house (OM and sister live in same town). Once everyone was asleep, my wife snuck out of the house, leaving her children without telling anyone. Wife�s friend woke up and realized she was gone. Wife�s friend and her husband were pissed and both spoke to the OM at the time. She did not speak to my wife or invite her over for a while after, though a few weeks ago my wife and kids did have another sleepover at her house.