Eden,

If you exposed following the letter template shown on the exposure thread then you have NOTHING to worry about, the way the letter is written is not aggressive, scandalous nor vindictive in any way, infact I believe it was written by a lawyer who was a vet on this forum.

Telling the truth is not a punishable offence. You are not harassing anyone as you didnt contact anyone after they told you they do not wish to communicate with you.

Be strong and stand by your rightful actions, your WW is angry because you have put a dent in her little fantasy world where she gets to have an affair and have you at home taking care of everything and keeping it secret.

The OW in my thread had an family member who was a lawyer he contacted me and told me he would sue me on her behalf because of exposure, I simply replyed I told the truth so go ahead and do what you want, never heard form him again.

In my 4 years on this forum no one has ever been legally affected by exposing and we get to see 100s of new BS on here.

Please take a breath, calm down and don't waver, you are fighting for your family.

I also doubt very much she has been to a divorce lawyer, why would she when she was so comfortably cake eating having her carefree meetings with the OM and a somewhat docile husband at home?

Dr Harley would not advice BS to expose if it meant they would get into legal difficulties, he has built a stellar reputation in his field for over 20 years. Do you think anyone would be crazy enough to destroy a good career by giving patients dangerous advice?

Listen to the vets, getting legal advice does not mean divorce, it means protect yourself as you witnessed first hand your white is DANGEROUS right now and not just phisically I mean she is dangerous in every sense, she is not thinking clearly but for the sake of the kids you have to therefore protect them and protect yourself, they don't deserve two destructive parents.

Your inlaws are not and will never be an option. If they had the right morals they would intervene more forcefully in their daughters behaviour.

Good luck and really hope you continue to follow the advice here and get your family thought this situation.

Eden, this is a very amusing threat to those of us who see it regularly. They never do it, sadly. Melody Lane and I are both dying to see one stand in front of a court and self expose their own affair so they can lose their children and keep the kids safe from the OP.

But they never do it!

Yours at least is intelligent enough to make it SOUND sorta legal. After my Facebook exposure the OW in my case said she was going to 'go to the police' (Libel is a civil not criminal offence) for slander (slander is spoken not written) and she was also going to have me arrested under stalking laws because if I knew about her affair I must be stalking her!!! I did not give her the dignity of any response other than a chuckle. Never heard any more about it.



Hmmmm. Waywards TALK an awful lot about divorce and rarely do it. 99.99 per cent threaten it post-exposure or even before. However they aren't as interested in divorce as they are in trying to threaten the BS with it.

Essentially what they want is for the BS to sit back and let them do what they want. Babysit for the affair, financially support the A, co-parent in a good natured way throughout. They are willing to use any and all legal and D threats to get to that golden aim.

However the few waywards who do file tend to be women. And as a man you need to get the legal stuff iron clad regarding your kids.

Get to a lawyer and get a hard line plan in place so the kids will be protected and she can see exactly what a D with you will look like. Dont love bust or threaten it, dont talk about it at all. Just do it. Show her that actions, not words, is how a BS rolls.

Was not able to speak to lawyer yesterday. Will work on it today. Increasing confusion because I did not request custody of kids in restraining order. Inlaws are very strong about not letting my wife stay at their pace while she has a boyfriend. When kids are at inlaws, it's fist come first served in terms of picking them up. I wouldn't put it past my wife to call the police on her parents for not releasing my children. (My son does get so upset and screaming though when he cannot see mom so makes it easier to let him go) My mother in law said that she doesn't completely trust either of us. She was questioning reality of the affair. How did I know WW was not lying just to push me away. Why didn't I do something soner. I guess I had not been clear enough. I finally told her that wife admitted to me, and to our counselor, to having sex with OM. She seems to be taking me a bit more seriously now and almost seemed to

Was able to have my all night and overnight last night. I unexpectedly did not have to work because store closed early due to terrible accident involving a fellow employee. My son was distraught that he couldn't see mom screaming. Ended up falling asleep at 11 pm t a movie. Wife asked don't I think he should be with mother. I told her she didn't seem so concerned with that the last few weeks when she was leaving for OM house at night. I had the same issues getting him to sleep then. Only difference this time is that she told him she coudn't come back (due to restraining order), instead of promising to be back. Wondering if I shoud allow WW to have any parenting time with him at all.

My daughter does not seem so overtly perturbed not to see WW but was asking son what she is looking like and is she ok. School had been notified about the situation, probably by child protective, and daughter said that someone (social worker?) talked to her privately at school. The guidance counselor spoke with her as well. I had worked with the guidance counselor earlier on when I was trying to get my son to go to school. I'm wondering if I should sspeak with her directly and tell her exactly what is going on. I assume she knows about the assault and restraining order already, but should I discuss A with her?

This has to come before everything else.



Yes that is a good idea. Tell them all about your wife trying to coerce them into accepting her boyfriend while still married and then assualting you. They will need to know that stuff.

However you cannot delay with getting legal advice.

I suggested you email the guidance counselor previously.
You never did?

Better late than never.

As for the kids crying, that is natural. In fact my ex wifes affair partner tried to beat his daughter to death. As the paramedics pulled her away she was screaming " I want my daddy!"

Kids want parent s even those who neglect them.
At this point your wife is just a self centered selfish woman that cares only for herself and sex with OM.
She is willing to sacrifice everything to get that, including her kids.

However, next time she asks you if he would be best with his mother respond:

"I am willing to work with you to create a loving marriage where both of our needs are met but you must first end your affair with om"

I would also communicate that same sentence with your in laws

Any suggestions on what to do if i can't afford lawyer

Then you call everyone you can to borrow money and get an attorney.
Custody battles are war.
I fought and secured custody of my kids. It cost me everything, I'm bankrupt but as McCarthur proclaimed when he left the Phillipines, I shall return!

Don't go into this with half measures and an uncertain agenda.

Eden let me put it this way,
If one of your kids was seriously ill and you couldn't afford medical treatment would you be sitting back and letting him suffer? I would think not. You would beg and borrow money to make sure he gets help.

Right now your children are at risk of both mental and phisical harm, you need to protect them, you need to get this done ASAP, it's a priority.

Tell the school what's going on, your giving your WW the opportunity to harm the kids, you should have contacted the school before they were contacted by anyone else!, It is your job to ensure the kids are ok.

Please consider the consequences of not taking control of this situation.

Am I stupid not to want a divorce at this point? Is it even reasonable to assume any chance of our marriage recovering from this?

And as far as evidence for your MIL she can ask the kids as well about her daughters interactions with the OM, they seam to have seen quite a bit.

If you are still getting stuck on this "evidence" point consider making a note of all the times the OM picked up your WW from your house and all the times that your WW slept over with him.

For example

Sunday 11/01/2013 - whiteness OM picking WW up from our home at 11pm, asked WW for explanation she stated she had sex with him.

Monday 11/02/2013 - WW left home at 12pm stated sleeping over at xxx house, OM picked WW up.

Tuesday 11/03/2013 - OM arrived at our home at 5pm WW went out in his car with him. WW did not come home tonight.

----------------------

keeping a diary of the events will help you in court and can be used as your evidence. Go back over the last month and make a note of all the times you witnessed interactions with the OM, and the day she admitted to having sex with him. you can also make a note of all the incidents when she left the kids alone to hook up with him or done anything to expose the kids to OM and Danger.

Your WW might be able to talk her way out of some of the incidents but she will have a hard time wriggling out of all of them and hey presto before you know it you now have concrete documented evidence of the Affair.

Lawyer does not mean divorce,

Unfortunately you have let your WW get away with too much for too long, now you got to work harder to get her to end this A.

If she does not end the A you don't have a marriage anymore, it's impossible to recover.

Your WW will not give up this affair until she can see the consequences of her choices and wake up from the fantasy world she has been in during this A.

No one here is an advocate for divorce but you have to have to get your act together well done for exposure, well done for the sobriety but now concentrate on killing this A.

The more stressed your WW the more hard work she is for the OM and there is a good chance he's going to get fed up with her, the fun is over.

Yes, your marriage can recover when your wife ends tge affair and comes out of the fog and IF both you follow the Revovery Plan in Surviving an Affair.
Are You reading the book?

My wife recently got an iphone through Verizon "for my daughter", though she has told daughter she now wents to use it. Account is in her name though phone is in my posession. Online account has not been set up. Should I sett up accunt let her use phone, even though we can't afford it, in order to track things? I m still trying to convnce her to return it since we are still in the 14 day returnable period. So fare we both use prepaid dumb phones that only store recent text messages.

BTW my wife is not too tech savvy, never really accessed any of our online accounts. Won't even text to check balance of checking accunt. Though OM may start to help her. He is much much sneakier by nature than she is.

Yes I just got the Surviving an Affair yesterday from library.

How is the phone being paid for? If it is coming out of joint marital funds, return it yourself.

yes it is out of joint funds, though she argues it is her money since she makes more than I do at the moment.

Out of all the suggestions that have been made to you up till now do you really think the phone is the thing that needs the most priority?? Wow

I would install spyware on the iphone while its in your posession.
Install GPS unit on her vehicle.

I am going to modify the temporary restraining order, to request temporary custody, and possibly no contact (right now she is allowed to contact me. What do you recommend about allowing her parenting time? I was thinking supervised by her mother. Is this crazy?

I won't be able to get to the court til tomorrow morning to modify, but I don't have to work tonight, so am able to have the kids here. Other nights when I am working my mother in law is willing to take them. Th reason she gave kids up to my wife is because of the way I originally wrote the restraining order. Since I did not request custody the first time, my wife has legal right to demand them to give kids up to her.

I am working on getting an attorney through legal aid.