What day did you talk to Dr Harley?

Eden, I just read your email to Dr Harley and his response. Wow!! What did you think of his advice?

AGREE!!!

I havent posted today since I just recently got off a 12 hour shift at work. I stayed later since WW has the kids til tomorrow night. She texted me earlier today to see if we had money in our e-zpass toll account. I asked where she was headed and she said to a holiday musical. I called my daughter's phone in the evening to talk to her and my wife answered, saying daughter wanted her to answer. I texted to ask where they were and no response. S much for that respect of letting the other parent know what is going on with kids that she has been demanding of me. So I checked the toll accunt records when I got home tonight to find the toll plaza she went through with our vehicle was not the one she would have needed to go straight to the show she mentioned but to either OM house or his sister's (WW best friend). Either is possible but I am hoping that it was her friend. I feel I am obsessing over checking up on her. I suppose I cn ask the kids when they come back to me. I did get to talk t my daughter later tonight and asked her who she went to the show with. he said she couldn't remember who, but she did go to the show. I am still very concerned about what WW is doing with and telling the kids when she has them. It is so frustrating.

So what is your Plan?

My plan is to try to get custody of the kids. Get my son into school. Get a better daytime job as soon as I can. I will talk to my attorney tomorrow as early as I can. I�ll email her today because have to get this parenting time clarified. I will also call child protective to see what their recommendations to the court will be, if they can tell me now. I did not tell them all the little incidents of violence that that my wife has done (like the pizza in face episode) so I will tell them as much as I can. Now there have not been many of these episodes but the ones there have been are memorable. I want to ask child protective if my wife is right to let the kids decide which one of us to stay with. I know this sounds like a silly question since the kids want to stay with both of us, but that is just not possible right now.

Also I will ask my attorney if it is possible to start a custody proceeding even though the RO has not been finalized yet. Since she was unsure the other day about me being able to get custody I will ask her why and what needs to happen for me to get custody. Again, according to lawyer and judge, child protective will heavily weigh in on the custody issue.

In the mean time I am applying for social services for assistance with whatever they can offer. And I am applying for jobs.

I have a question. Should I be talking to her friends and family at all anymore. After exposing on fb I only heard back from one of her brothers and one mutual friend of ours, words of support. I heard back from no one else, positive or negative. Even WW parents I have not talked to since before Thanksgiving (I had mainly been talking to them only about childcare). Would it help my case to talk to any the people I exposed to again, or continue to expose to others, since I have no idea what story they are getting now from WW?

Also, how much detail to give the kids about the involvement of the court system in all this. Since the assault I have not really discussed with them. I am not sure if they know that WW is being tried for the assault charges. Basically what I have told them that mommy and I can not be together right now because of how she hurt me that night, and that the people I have been meeting with (lawyers, child protective, etc.) are trying to help me and mommy to do what is best for the children. I am not sure how much detail to go into.

I know there was some back and forth last week about whether to bother with plan B at this point. WHen she does contact me I get some information about what she might be doing witht the kids, like the raveling she did yesterday, though that just got me more concerned for the kids. Without contact she could be doing anything.

If I were to plan B is it appropriate to use an MB intermediary who WW does not even know, as JediKnight had offered previously?

And what is a "dark plan B," as I ve seen mentioned in other topics but could not find a dscription.

Of course the kids don't get to decide. They are just kids. You, the parent decides. The best thing for your kids is for you to get primary custody. I would break your neck to get that. She is very unstable and is not a safe person for your kids. I would keep them with you as much as you can.

After my ex wifes boyfriend nearly beat his 3 year old child to death, the paramedics took the little girl as she screamed "I wqnt my daddy!"

Children, do not understand safety and look up to parents.

You have been wiyh her so long I dont thin k you realislze how unstable she is. I also became accostomed to my wifes bizarre behaviors but being away helps clear the air and lets you thin k clearer.

Also if the kids see a good counselor you may find about other abuse when she was alone with them

Simply put, she is in the fog and her priorities are elsewhere. Furthermore, this stressful situation will only worsen her chances of being abusive to the kids. The kids should be with you. Fight for them.

But you and your WW have to leave the kids out of your bickering. They are being put in the middle, and that is not fair to them. Protect them as much as possible. Don't bad mouth her, though you should not whitewash her affair either. There is a balance, and you will find it so long as you don't let your emotions direct you.

Suspicion confirmed. My kids said they went to OM house yesterday either before or after the holiday show and went to the show with OM and his kids. They did return to WW girlfriend's house, but it was not until almost midnight last night, according to toll records. Kids said they went back to OM house this morning also. Is it appropriate to ask the kids where they were when not with me? My daughter said she lied to me last night because she thought I would be angry with her that she was having fun with OM kids. I told her I was not angry and that I had asked her, when I exposed the A to her, to let me know whenever they were with OM. She said that WW and OM did not "do anything" when they were together. I did not prod the kids any further. Was this too much for them in your opinion?

I really need to get on top of this first thing tomorrow with my attorney so my kids and I don't have to go through this again before the hearing.

On another note, I was so focused on the OM til now that I just realized tonight that the girlfriend that WW is staying with is known to have issues with depression and issues with prescription drugs. She gets so crazy going after men who eventually want nothing to do with her and gets depressed and takes too much medication. This has occurred over the last several years. I don�t know how I forgot to mention this to anyone involved (lawyer, child protective, etc.). I will let them know immediately.

I would tell your wife that she MAY NOT take the kids around OM again. It is horrendous that she would drag her kids into her affair. Have your attorney make this part of the agreement that she never take your kids around the OM.

And why are you allowing her to take the kids when she does not even have a home? Does the court know she is homeless?

I have told her that before, and since the assault, until this weekend, she did not have the kids around him (according to kids). I think she was pissed that I did not relent on getting back together after that day she was in my apartment, and also that I took the kids o my family for thanksgiving, and that she is still in a serious fog about the A, perhaps even a black hole. I will tell her again and also have my attorney let her attorney know so he can tell her also.

You need to get a lawyer and take action in the courts. Stop talking about it and just do it. Insist that he/she take action for you about the kids.

That should be your first and main priority. (after the kids)
Make sure you continue to document and have your recorder on you at all times.

Eden, don't let her take the kids again until you have this established in your visitation papers. I don't understand how a homeless person can get children for overnights. I have NEVER heard of that before. She needs to get a home FIRST. And you need to have this agreement put in your papers that your kids are not taken around her affair.

I am going to the court with lawyer this afternoon. Bringing hell with me.

Keep us updated. Good luck

That's great! Good luck

You can do this. Be cool calm and collected.