I agree with this. I hope you don't find it patronising Eden but once you get some distance and can see what's been going on you will be horrified. She started small and ramped up her abuse so you got used to it over time.

Since haley say not to expose until after separation in abusive cases would i be shooting myself in the foot if i were to bring his advice up. First it would show that i did not really follow his advice since i am claiming prior violent history and i went ahead and exposed without separation anyway. Also it important that the court doesn't think i am using the restraining order to punish the affair. That said, the violence is pretty obvious, as she admitted it and officer her took her statement will testify.

I'd stop second guessing yourself.

1) She had an affair and 2) She was violent. All you did was respond in the way you felt was best at the time. Do you really think you will need to defend yourself for 1) telling the truth about her A to save the M and b) Protecting yourself from the violence?

All you have done is respond to her poor behaviour. I think sheis the one who has to worry about explations, not you.

I agree

Agree. Let her worry about explaining her abusive behavior. All you did was expose the truth. She had an affair and then beat you up when you told the truth!!! It is not you who is the bad guy here.

In the middle of trial. The judge dismissed the three previous cases. I m not sure haow this will tuurn out. Her lawyer said they wil give in to any conditions i want to avoid an RO, but I will follow through with trial.

My lawyer says judge is being very dismissive of assault with previous cases. If i lose, she will to come right back into the house.

If you have all the violence/assault documented and all of the evidence with you at court today, how can the judge simply dismiss your RO?

Start divorce proceedings today! Now! File for full custody. You've got to get going while you have the upper hand.

She is on shaky footing. File now, get her out of the house permanently.

I hope your case doesn't get thrown by the wayside here. If she gets back in that house, I'm afraid for you and your kids. She is masterful at keeping you in line and you so want to believe you can reconcile the marriage that you are very, very vulnerable.

GET GOING ON THE DIVORCE!!

x2

Dr. Harley has already advised you to file for divorce. If your RO gets dismissed, you NEED to file for divorce today. Your kids need you to protect them. Do not give your WW the upper hand.

Yes

The RO case was dismissed. My wife totally lied under oath about all of the previous domestic violence history. The judge really did not want to hear much about the affair, from me or her. She said that OM was just a "family friend." So much for that honesty and rebuilding trust she was talking about earlier. Looks like I will have quite a fight ahead with a custody battle. Lawyer says that full custody is really not likely. Child protective verdict is still out until after psych eval. I will disclose everything now to them, as I am remembering new things.

My wife has the kids tonight, since she had a friend pick them up from their friend's house after school when we were in court, even though I arranged for someone else to pick them up. I will be able to pick them up from school tomorrow, but don't know what to expect if my wife shows up demanding that they go with her. There is no legal protection for me or them anymore, for the time being.

You don't have to say you told me so.

and she is back to calling OM again. I realize now that we are done. What would be the best way to get the kids back in the meantime before a divorce/custody case is started or takes effect? I don't think I can take them out of state long term without her permission and I don't think I could hold them hostage in my apartment. Glad I had the locks changed though.

Why does she have custody of the kids? You let her take them? Did you call the police when she threatened you with a knife?

Sorry Eden this situation makes absolutely no sense. What are you not telling us?

Just yesterday, you wrote:


But today you wrote that she was at that court and testified. Did she just show up unexpectedly?

Also, this morning you wrote:


Was the officer was unexpectedly missing during the hearing? If she showed up and lied under oath, the officer's testimony would have contradicted her. I don't understand this...

I dont understand it either. The officer did testify and did contradict my wife's testimony for this most recent assault. She said that that she was helping me prepare dinner in the kichen when it happened butshe actually came righin from work without taking her coat off and let into me. The judge could not believe that i did not report any of the prior incidents, though he said that some of them may have occurred, even after she flat out lied that she has never been physically violent with me.

Aparently she was hoping not to come to court so she would not miss work again but i guess to avoid getting charged with contempt she showed up.

This makes no sense whatsoever.

Again, when are you going to follow through with Dr. Harley's advice to you?