Marty, you've become so overwhelmed by the many tasks you have to do, that 'who does what' has become more important than being in love. I hear lots of stuff in your posts about tasks but nothing about dates, conversation, fun or affection.
If your wife isn't in love with you, she won't lift a finger to aid you and then she will leave. So your essential problem is a lack of romantic love.
Few people are motivated to do anything if they are not in love. If you are honest, you are not feeling very motivated either are you? That is your wife's problem. From the low energy description you give, I would imagine she is depressed. Dr H says when women are depressed they almost always are not in love with their husbands.
Women are also much needier when it comes to Emotional Needs - or ENs. They can't endure neglect like men can. They complain more. They leave more. Most divorces are filed by women.
This is not a choice, it is a biological wiring to keep standards high in the pair bond.
Dr Harley wrote an an article "Why Women Leave Men"
Many men I see are emotionally exhausted and feel that for all their effort, they get nothing but criticism.
The simpler role of husbands in decades past has now been replaced by a much more complex and confusing role, especially in their relationship with their wives. Some conclude that women are born to complain and men must ignore it to survive. Others feel that women have come to expect so much of men that they are impossible to please, so there's no point in even trying. Very few men, these days, feel that they have learned to become the husbands that their wives have wanted, and the job seems to be getting more and more difficult.
Grounds for Divorce
Men's perceived failure to satisfy their wives is punctuated by the fact that women file for divorce twice as often as men. In other words, their unhappiness with marriage often results in divorce.
The most common reason women give for leaving their husbands is "mental cruelty." When legal grounds for divorce are stated, about half report they have been emotionally abused. But the mental cruelty they describe is rarely the result of their husband's efforts to drive them crazy. It is usually husbands being indifferent, failing to communicate and demonstrating other forms of neglect.
Another reason for divorce reported almost as much as mental cruelty is "neglect" itself. These include both emotional abandonment and physical abandonment.
To create romantic love you have to meet her emotional needs. To keep the balance high, you have to avoid ruinin her love with love busters.
From your description it's all lovebusters and no needs. No wonder she is going. Is it fair that you do everything and are not loved for it? Unfortuantely Yes. It is impossible to love someone angry, unhappy and resetnful. Your wife cannot create something that isn't there - the feeling of romantic love.
But you do have what it takes to turn it around. You don't need a counsellor, particularly since most are bad. You just need to stop the bad stuff and introduce some good stuff.
Elimate lovebusters first. Stop diagnosing her as selfish and as a child and instead ASK her what she needs to feel better, in love and motivated. Definitely do not raise your voice to her in anger again. Never make demands.
Then try to figure out what her ENs are. If one need is Financial Support, you'll have to get a job. That could be the problem. Being at home has made you angry and resentful and one of her ENs is not being met. But not necessarily. From the sounds of it the only need you meet is Domestic Support and that won't be enough to create any love, particulalry not when lovebusters are used too.
It's solvable. Good luck.
