1. Af
2. Ad
3. SF
4. AS
5. HO

I hear you on this one. We have scheduled a one hour UA today, I will work with hubby on the schedule for the rest of the week.

Alada do you have spyware on the computer? You've caught him an lie about internet usage and the history was deleted. I would certainly install spyware. His explanation is fairly credible but I just think it's a good idea and would give you an added way to see him earn trust.

As for meeting his PA need, did he get specific about how he wanted you to look younger? Different styles of clothes for example or does he mean something else? You can't act on a vague instruction...

Indiegirl, he is no longer using the comp without me next to him. But maybe I would do good to get one. He is never alone at home. Either my mom is here, or me.

PA, yes he said hair and clothes. I just need to stop overthinking it. Sometimes in the mornings I get really anxious about him really getting PA from me. As I said he is very unexpressive, so unless I�m wearing something super duper he won�t compliment me.

Here is a good opportunity to use the phrase, "I'd love it if..." For example:

"I'd love it if ... you would let me know when you think I look good."
"I'd love it if ... you would tell me when you think my hairstyle suits me."
"I'd love it if ... you would indicate which of my outfits you prefer."

Make sure you PRAISE HIM when he does this.

It is unlikely that he will magically change into Mr. Expressive. But he CAN let you know when he likes what you are wearing! And this will give you a clue.

What do you think?

We had a great time this past weekend. Our kiddos got sick, so we had no UA time on sunday, but the rest of the week summed up to a total of 21 hours.

I can feel the difference already.

Wonderful news! You two keep on with it!

How about a UA schedule for this week? Sorry to read that the kiddos were sick yesterday, but did you get a chance to plan out your UA time for this week?

We usually follow the same schedule for UA time every week, is so much easier. We don't forget and we don't have to plan it either. If we need to, we revise it.

The kidos have activities thru the week, so we just make it a must for both of us to go drop them off, and enjoy some UA time while they are busy. We do have big plans for Vday. We have never ever celebrated it before, not even when dating. It sure will be fun

I like this idea. I can see how that could work well, especially since you have three little ones.

Enjoy your special Valentine's Day date!

I'm sending new job applications today. I need to include a teaching statement, and I was wondering if I should include something about the A.

In my phone call to Dr. H. he suggested I did include information about it, but I don't know how to do it, here is what I have so far, can you give me some input

Sorry, going to edit and reply later.

Ok, my recollection of your call is that Dr. H suggested that you mention the affair to speed the process along, and also to explain your desire to relocate as soon as possible. I did not understand him to suggest that you mention it in your general "sell", ie., what makes you particularly competitive. I also recall that Joyce sounded dubious.

I am a tenured professor and have been involved in lots of hiring. At the culling stage (reviewing paper applications) you want to avoid seeming like an outlier (other than of the "super genius" kind).

I was trying to think of a way to mention it obliquely as a plus (say, "overcoming difficult situations") but it's hard to refer to it without copping to the fact that you had a challenging or bad experience in your current position. Again, that can count against your application.

If you WANT to talk about it, I would wait until the interview stage when you are almost certain to get the "how do you deal with adversity/challenges" question.

But, on a purely professional level, I don't think you need to talk to about it at all.

Thanks Kerala, both for your recollection from the radio show and for the hiring process.

I do remember Joyce being a bit dubious as well. Maybe as you said I should wait until the intervew process .

Was this the only time you've written the Harleys?

I emailed Dr. H about it, this is what I got



Thanks all for your suggestions

This week I have been feeling a disconnection with DH.

We are getting our UA time and we are working on the H&O chapter, a lot has been going on, but I thought we were doing fine.

Our last SF sessions were a bit awkward, and last night DH had technical problems. He was worried it was something physical but I was sensing it was more of a psychological problem. I asked him if something was bothering, he came up with a lot of excuses, which really didn't add up to something this big.

He finally admited he wants to talk to his mom. I totally get it, he is worried about her. But if you remember her sister is in an adulterous relationship and we are NC with her right now. Since she lives with her mother, it means DH doesn't talk to his mom either. DH's mom does not have a cell phone or any other way to get a hold of her, unless we go to her house.

To tell the truth it hurt me to hear this. First, he has been thinking about this for almost two weeks, I can see now why he has been distant with me. He resents me for not seeing his mom.

Now according to the program, I should be glad he told me the truth. And don't get me wrong, I'm glad, actually very happy he had the nerve to tell me what was going on. In fact, after he told me, I said "I know it is hard for you not to talk to your mom, and I'm very thankful that you are taking care of me and my feelings"

BUT!! he has been thinking about this for about two weeks, all the while me asking him how he is doing, and he has never ever mentioned anything. He has not been honest. It's a big trigger for me. He still has the ability to look me into the eye and lie to me.

How do we approach this? Do we need to POJA something about his mom? Do I tell him how much his dishonesty hurts me? Do we just let it go?

His mom does know about DH's A, but she does not know all the details. She does not know why we are not going to her house. Or at least DH choose not to tell her, maybe his sister filled her mom in, but I highly doubt it. DH's mom is enabling the sister's A.

Oh I forgot to add one more detail.

Dh has forgotten his cell phone -with gps tracker that is- everytime he goes to drop the girls to school. His mom leaves a few blocks away from the school

I'm back again with a question, I really hope some of you can help me. Sometimes I feel so lost on the recovery road.

This issue is along with the last one I posted. DH's mom.

When I did exposure, I sent notes to his sister,s but not to her mom. I never talked to her mom. When hubby came back home, he said he told her about his A. SO I just let it go.

Hubby told me a few days ago, that he did told his mom, but he softened the story. I don't know exactly what he told his mom. Last night his mom called, WSIL's boy is having a bday party soon. They are bringing the invitation soon.

I feel conflicted, some part of me, does not want to deal with his family for now. But I also want him to tell the truth to his mom.

I don't know if I even want to talk about what dh did told his mom. It is going to be a trigger, I'm sure. But I also need to encourage him to be honest.

what do you think?

I think you need to tell her, rather than relying on him. Tell her and get it done and over.

Thanks Markos, I do think that will give me some closure.

How do I go about that? Can�t show up at her placer, WSIL is there ALL the time.

Calling her is not an option either. The only means to talk to her is to call WSIL�s cell phone.