She doesnt care about your feelings. If she did, she would not be going away and having sex with other men.

Its a kind act

Absolutely evil.

Still don't understand how you can let her come and go like that. How can a woman respect a husband who lets her behave this way? Women don't love men without backbones, but they do respect men when they set limits.

I would leave the home and respectfully tell her that you will not be under the same room with her while she is conducting this affair. Then I would Plan A from a distance.

Can you go into Plan B? I don't usually recommend H's do that, but other posters have suggested it too because you are starting to lose your temper and fight with her.

I don't think this is down to your ability to Plan A (the tea is a nice touch by the way) but rather because she is staggeringly blatant about her A.

To be honest with you, reviewing your thread I don't think she is the typical WW. She was an OW before marrying you wasn't she? Her family too, have proved themselves to be useless in exposure and you'd have to cut them all loose in recovery because they have proved to you that they would encourage a second affair.

Even if there were kids, there would be little chance of making a result here. I'm not saying don't give it a shot, I'm saying: "what's good for you right now?" If you understand the love bank you'll know that Plan B will help you heal and you will be able to find someone who meets the needs she used to. Someone withou any infidelity on their record and no pain they have to make up to you.

You'd still be giving her an opportunity to end the A in your Plan B. If you want, I'm not sure Id even make that offer.

I've bumped a thread describing the run of the mill wayward wife. Do check it out.

I think you've got a freeloader on your hands who does whatever feels good. Of course that describes all WWs, but I think this is a way of life for your lady, not a temporary phase.

Exposure is often a test of the raw material. A typical wayward feels horribly guilty even if they try to mask it with anger but an atypical feels justified.

I think her family's reaction is telling too. They raised her to consider herself first and to just do whatever brings happiness.

Indie I think you have summed it up quite well. I've just been listing where I am right now to weigh up my options. I think my biggest hurdle is frustration and as in my original post a feeling of impotence. I cant set limits on someone who has no respect for me or those limits. I was contemplating to execute Plan B at the weekend because yes she is staggeringly blatant about her A. I did not do so because I lacked the courage to, as often when faced with conflict I bury my head and hope it will go away. My only problem with Plan B is getting an IM. All options seem to be friends or family who are not unbiased enough or trustworthy enough not to gossip.
There have been boundary issues before with her friendships with other men and it seems efforts to set limits here have proved fruitless. It seems her lack of respect has been longstanding.
I said before I like the idea of a letter without an ultimatum, that's because I think I know any ultimatum will not be met. Like a shark with no teeth. I've told her before I found MB if I were to leave it would be under conditions like in Plan B. I dont think either I can plan A from a distance as this leaves the threat idle. Also threatening a legal separation is idle. If I filed for this it would delay divorce but also legally put down my reason as adultery. But in doing this I think I am trying to publicly assign blame.

If I leave I should be in Plan B

Not in Plan A long enough for it to be effective, only just grasping concept. Too many LBs already

She has no respect for me continuing affair

I have no respect for me and none is earned allowing it to go on

She is not willing to end it and I cant make her

She feels she has moved on

Talking about affair/our relationship end in arguments/conflict

I offer loving marriage she offers divorce

Divorce is not Plan A

Is Plan B too early

She wants me to leave to assign blame

Can negate her blame with legal separation stating adultery

Separation delays divorce

Killing Affair is best attack

Trying to kill Affair sees me as bitter/jilted

Leaving at this point sees me as bitter/jilted

Affair will continue In Plan A or Plan B

Kids and finances/property not an issue relationship is

Do not want to make rash decisions

I'm not sure if I'm playing game A to get a better result out of Plan B out of some sort of spite or revenge. Its hard to keep the emotion out of it as its all about emotions. I think I will have to attempt a draft at a Plan B letter to see how it feels!

Quick thought before I go to work and try and focus there. When I was young and single I was the OM twice. Neither lasted more than a year. What goes around! Makes me think I feel like the OM in my own marriage.

On previous posts, patience and positivity is a must and I cannot make rash decisions.

Oh and nice thread Indie takes the goggles off a bit.

Been able to get on her FB found saucy messages to a second man all while this affair is going on! Raging yes. Want to start the legal yes. Still love her yes.

Didn't have the password but phone search engine still logged in for who knows how long! I am mentioned in messages just in case I read them. But even though she says I can't she still says she doesn't care if I do. Well I have now. Guess she has no moral compass or respect for me. Even if she is in her guilt free zone of we are over! If I didn't love her i wouldn't be mad right? This time do I react or sleep on it!

Don't talk to her about it; print off the messages for safekeeping.
Find out who OM 2 is and expose him to his family and friends.

Know who he is. Former colleague of wife. Works in my company in another area at a higher grade. He has faced this sort of thing before and laughed it off. Renown for getting about. Will gather my intel and print when I can. Surely this will bite me in the [censored] when it gets fed back to wife. Think I should pack an escape bag! Things will get ugly. Not the way I wanted things.

She tried to use this bloke a couple of years ago to get us to split saying they had one off sex. Then later on denied it and we moved on. I will dig further read these messages properly and see if there are any more. Could be she's been fooling me for years. What then plan D? Don't think I could be in same house if she's fooled me twice

Personally, I would wash my hands of her.

But, if you want to win her back and hopefully get her to commit to recovery then you need to stay in Plan A.

If I dig deep enough I'm sure I will find something!
My options if I do
Stay in plan A expose this attempt recovery

Leg it see if reconciliation later

Leg it

Yep! There is proof. I'm not surprised and I'm not hurt by this one I knew and I was over it. Still brings things to a new light. I'm sure if I analysed our whole marriage her boundary issues would come leaping out! Do I still love her yes. Hate her no. I think she has problems I can't solve. If she cares about them. I would love that time machine, go back etc.At the start of our split she told me I should find myself and guess what I'm starting to. Recovery? I would love us to have that loving marriage where both of our needs our met but I can't sacrifice myself for that. Exposure again, looking at personnel tradgedies that have already happened to us and others soon to happen I don't think it would help her mentally. Me im not sure. I know I have to leave. But when and how? Not sure i can fully commit a Plan B. Not sure what I want

Time to wash hands. Shes been in talks with MIL. First thing I got when I got home was I'm going to see a solicitor later this week. Im outta here gonna lose my cool otherwise. Wife says we could of done this as friends but you cant accept we are over. I say you wouldnt of gone away weekend if there was a chance for us. Been kidding myself too long. Been played too long. Time to start thinking with the head before I lose the love I have for her. Got to do it quick before I change my mind. Start late tomorrow and day off Thurs. Plan to have things I need out by Thurs afternoon. Will leave a nice letter saying why I have gone and will have no contact. My brother will IM hes level headed enough to keep his cool. Any ideas on what more to do?

if you decide to leave, you will NEED to enter Plan B for your health.

Use the Plan B letter o this website. Just copy it.

Also, relatives often dont make good IM.
Since you dont have children you could use an internet IM. You should consider this.