Alada,

Please let us know when you've heard Dr. Harley's advice. Did your H listen to it? What did he think?

This sounds like great news Alada! I'm happy for the both of you and will be anxious to hear how things feel for you once you are getting all of your UA time together.

Here's your question Alada.
Radio Clip of Alada's Show/question

Thanks BH!!! I just had a chance to listen to it right now.

I will talk to H this evening.

You're welcome.

What did he say?

I finally had time to sit down to listen to the show (thanks Brain Hurts!!) and I explained the show to my husband.

We talked last night.

He was not surprised, I mean, he expected Dr. H. to recomend separation given that he broke our EP's. He is now aware how important EP's are. He asked me if I still wanted to go for a separation, and I asked him back, what do you think??

In his favor, he quit his job, he is now reading Kiss's thread and is being so much proactive about our recovery. To me it looks like we are on the mend.

It's amazing how much reading here can help him. He is reading the translation of Kiss's thread, translations are really tricky, but still, he can see himself in kiss's attitude.

So I guess for now we are still on recovery, no plan B. But he is now fully aware, as I am, that any other deviation of the recovery will make us go to plan B.

Hi alada, is there a reason he is reading kiss' thread? I would have referred him to solutions, not to someone who is struggling with recovery. There are no solutions in kiss's thread.

He should be reading Dr. Harley's materials about how to effect recovery. Does he have Surviving an Affair?

Did you make one of your conditions to work on recovery to post here? We have some really good BS meters here and if he isn't serious about recovery (like kiss isn't) then posters will sniff it out.

Will he post here?

ML, I sent him to kiss's thread because I saw a lot of resemblance on him, I thought that may be he would take the words others were saying. You don't think that is a good idea?
He is reading now what HerPapaBear is telling kiss, and to me it looks like is working. He just told me last night, how selfish he has been.

BH, I tried doing the translation to see if they worked, but google is not good at all, specially when you are trying to convey something with a lot of details or feelings. So I'm not confident on him using the translator. I do not want to translate for him, I don't think is appropiate.

I guess he can try posting and see how it goes.

alada, I am very confused why you would send him to the thread of someone who has NOT RECOVERED. The blind cannot lead the blind. Kiss has not resolved his marriage problems. People don't recover by following people who have not recovered. They recover by seeking solutions and seeking out people who HAVE recovered.

kiss does not have solutions. Dr Harley DOES.

So he can read English, but not write is that correct?

We have pretty intelligent posters and I'm sure we can understand him. I agree you shouldn't post for him.

Is there anyone you do trust that he could send the posts to and they translate for him?

What is his native language?

Every wayward knows how to say that. It is just empty talk. I would not focus on his empty words, but on his actions.

I am also concerned that he is not working?? Dr Harley strongly recommends that men have a job because they are "dangerous" sitting at home with nothing to do. What are his career goals?

I get it now ML, I see what you are saying. I will suggest he reads some materials instead.

I guess I like the feeling of reading someone else going through the exact same path, but as you say, they should be recovered.

No, not really. Can not read or write english



We will give it a try then!!

He wanted to be a vet, but that is out of the picture for now. He also wanted to be a chef. The plans right now is for him to start baking at home and sell his products at cafeterias and what not. He did his first round of cookies for us this weekend. We have plans to do sample deliveries this weekend.

We have lots of RECOVERED posters for him to read. What about SAA? Have you read this to him?

What is his native language?

You mean surviving an affair, not specifically. I have read a lot of materials here and we usually talk about those in the evening. We have shared a lot about the steps on how to recover and EP's. But I get a feeling that me saying the same things over and over, are not really having an effect on him. That is why I wanted him to read what other people had to say.

Maybe you can point me to someone else's thread.

So you read the material to him in his language? Which is what?

Here's a good one GloveOil's Thread It was an Ordinary Day Here

Do you have the book SAA? I would also start with that.

Sorry, it is spanish



No I don't, we have love busters and hnhn and we are working on them right now. It was a bit of a stretch -money wise- to get those.

thanks for the link!