That's good;
In the meantime, kick that smoking habit. Its a bad vice.

I used to smoke, but quit. Sunday I ran a half marathon and yesterday I donated blood!

You will feel great once you quit.

One thing at a time! It's hard enough not having a drink. Still feel like I'm being punished for telling the truth while she probably doesn't feel she's done anything wrong. Yes I have support in many directions but still feel alone in this

well, in that case have another cigarette!
What brand do you smoke?

Usually roll my own golden Virginia otherwise good old b& h. See what you done there I switched it off for a bit. I know whatever happens I will look back and? Until then must have a little faith this is all part of the plan.

I used to roll Top tobacco or Bugler tobacco.
I also liked Lucky strike

I liked smoking in my own home rather than hiding out in my parents conservatory. Everything's upside down and the wrong way round. Still another day down. Visit family tomorrow I think get some distraction or I will crawl inside myself and forget who I am

You guys are old school. My grandfather would roll Prince Albert in his Zig Zags. Then he'd grab a six pack of Bud and listen to Hank Williams.

DO NOT do that!
You have a moral obligation to live and love life.

Well the sun is shining today I can only try and catch it up

Gut shoot. Just come home to mail she has redirected. Funny not the land registry form in there! Someone's still in their world of not doing anything wrong. Time for a run I think

Oh the irony. Need at least 5K for a mortgage deposit. Should of betrayed my principles and took her bribe a few weeks ago! Well now I know my options in that respect, head up knuckle down and save. While she lives the life of Reilly without a thought for me.
Been whining to a friend who said 'stop tormenting yourself, give her a chance to miss you'. I've never had patience and I'm learning a valuable lesson in it now.
On a plus catching up on loads of tv!

If you get a chance, I would encourage you to watch a "john wayne" movie. It shows you what the American west was once like

There's a lot of John Wayne films out there! Guess I've got a lot of waiting?

I'm focusing on myself but still getting drip fed info on the wife. Our network of current and former friends/work friends/colleagues make it almost impossible to cast a dark net. Many know not to approach me with info but the odd gossip slips through. It's only been a short time since I left and the continuing pain and mixture of emotion is confusing at best. I'm still managing a brave face and positive demeanour, nobody likes a sulker. I also find keeping a journal of sorts helps to express the negative (like posting on here)! So then the world can see the positive me.
Some have commented I look ill, until corrected that I am actually leaner and fitter. No drinking and running can do that in such a short time.
I find myself trying to look objectively on news of my WS. She's not broadcast our situation but has mentioned to a select few how we have separated and she has a new boyfriend (fog babble)! But she's also shutting off those she would normally chat and have coffee with.
Some of my mail is being redirected. It has her mothers handwriting on it as the wife won't do it. I doubt she's even cleaning the house. I believe her mother is doing this as when the WS has time at weekends (OM has his kids and she's not in on that). Instead she's out partying like last night and all day today.
I hear a lot of you reading this saying NO! This is not plan B font focus on the wife.(random Bruce lee quote 'its like a finger pointing to the moon. Don't concentrate on the finger or you will miss all the heavenly glory).
Like I said I'm trying to be objective. She's running round with some new found freedom. I think she's losing control little by little. I'd like to step in, make contact, fill the needs she's missing. If I did that now I'd still be that lovesick puppy that gets kicks not kisses. I could go lose control myself, go pick up women or devalue myself some other way. But I won't!
I still know I want my wife in my life. In what way I'm unsure. Liars still lie and cheaters still cheat? I'm learning the hard way? But what's good for the goose is good for the gander and right now it's space. She needs to devolve I need to evolve. I may shed my tears but I will keep them to myself.
Let the gossips gossip. I've only time for me. And when the time comes she does contact me I hope I can find the strength to not be a doormat anymore and if she wants to be in my life it's on my terms. Let her do what she must, you can't just let go of years spent together day in day out. There's too many good memories. She's dealing by trying to ignore it all. I'm dealing with it by letting my emotions run amok and venting.
But I have time to sort them out

Remember, you will miss her more and focus on her good qualities ...forgetting the bad while separated.

In Plan B, you have no contact...waiting for the affair to die a natural death.

Have to keep coming here to remind myself of this.
It is hard. All the good memories with no contact! Again I come here and remind myself why.
I talk to a friend who went through similar. They did all the wrong things, revenge relationships, begging etc. got them to the same place but not as strong. They are helping me learn from their muatakes

That's why Dr. Harley recommends Plan B a dark Plan B.

What have you been doing for yourself? What self-care have you been doing? Running, church?

Running whenever I can. Work work work and trying to make time for family

I ran 8 miles today and did about 200 push ups!

Are you wearing proper running shoes? That is very important.

New shoes bought way back at start of all this! She even bought me new shorts thinking this is something I'd give up on! Currently averaging 5 miles a run. Been busy with work all weekend an today. Can't wait to get back out tomorrow