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Marriage Builders Forums General Discussion Divorcing/Divorced Blown the bank

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Re: Blown the bank Bluebeck #2801233 05/12/14 11:26 PM
Joined: Nov 2011 Posts: 11,239 Another universe J Jedi_Knight Member
Jedi_Knight Member J Joined: Nov 2011 Posts: 11,239 Another universe	You need to stick to it. I've been in a similar situation and I'm thankful that you dont have kids in this marriage. Focus on yourself. During my wifes affair I returned to having a relationship with God. The first step was attending church. I had 3 children to care for that she left behind, so I learned how to become a single parent. I read Atlas Shrugged...and that changed my perspective on many things, including my relationships. You must live! It is evil to surrender your life because she has left you. A tree in the forest must live, must strive to reach the canopy and obtain sunlight. It is against all laws of nature for the tree to willingly die so another tree may reach the sunlight first, killing the surrendering tree.

Re: Blown the bank Bluebeck #2801235 05/12/14 11:30 PM
Joined: Mar 2014 Posts: 340 B Bluebeck OP Member
OP Bluebeck Member B Joined: Mar 2014 Posts: 340	Part of my says stuff it all and smash the divorce through. But even that won't change what I think or feel.

Re: Blown the bank Bluebeck #2801237 05/12/14 11:59 PM
Joined: Nov 2011 Posts: 11,239 Another universe J Jedi_Knight Member
Jedi_Knight Member J Joined: Nov 2011 Posts: 11,239 Another universe	If you can, watch a Clint Eastwood or John Wayne movie. It will help you feel better

Re: Blown the bank Jedi_Knight #2801267 05/13/14 09:18 AM
Joined: Mar 2014 Posts: 340 B Bluebeck OP Member
OP Bluebeck Member B Joined: Mar 2014 Posts: 340	Been making a rod for my own back! Having a few beers while away makes me 'message happy'! Phone getting locked in safe going to enjoy the rest of my stay and back on the wagon when home. Time to switch it off for a bit!

Re: Blown the bank Bluebeck #2801296 05/13/14 11:13 AM
Joined: Jul 2001 Posts: 5,247 L Lexxxy Member
Lexxxy Member L Joined: Jul 2001 Posts: 5,247	Is that your way of saying you texted your wife while in Plan B? Can you be more specific?

Re: Blown the bank Lexxxy #2801307 05/13/14 11:51 AM
Joined: Mar 2014 Posts: 340 B Bluebeck OP Member
OP Bluebeck Member B Joined: Mar 2014 Posts: 340	Yes I messaged wife while in plan b. she's not messaged back. I've left the door open for her but I won't stand there holding it. Way back in my thread I said she has problems even I can't solve, she still does. My problem is I still have her in my system and can't/don't want to shake her

Re: Blown the bank Bluebeck #2801308 05/13/14 11:54 AM
Joined: Mar 2014 Posts: 340 B Bluebeck OP Member
OP Bluebeck Member B Joined: Mar 2014 Posts: 340	To clarify last message was to ask her to give favourite niece a kiss and cuddle from me (niece birthday next week and it hurts to miss it) also to ask about family.

Re: Blown the bank Bluebeck #2801355 05/13/14 03:14 PM
Joined: Mar 2014 Posts: 340 B Bluebeck OP Member
OP Bluebeck Member B Joined: Mar 2014 Posts: 340	Just had a message from W to ask why I'm abroad. Like she cares! Gonna leave that one!

Re: Blown the bank Bluebeck #2801356 05/13/14 04:23 PM
Joined: Nov 2010 Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4 Moved to Uranus B BrainHurts Member
BrainHurts Member B Joined: Nov 2010 Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4 Moved to Uranus	Originally Posted by Bluebeck Just had a message from W to ask why I'm abroad. Like she cares! Gonna leave that one! So you're really not in Plan B? FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.

Re: Blown the bank BrainHurts #2801507 05/14/14 03:21 PM
Joined: Jul 2001 Posts: 5,247 L Lexxxy Member
Lexxxy Member L Joined: Jul 2001 Posts: 5,247	Why is she able to message you? Did you not change your phone number or block her? Do you know that Plan B requires that you change all of those methods of communication? And that you actually stop using them?

Re: Blown the bank Lexxxy #2801547 05/15/14 02:44 AM
Joined: May 2012 Posts: 497 R rocksolid Member
rocksolid Member R Joined: May 2012 Posts: 497	Hi bluebeck Been following your story. You were doing so well. I agree with lexxxy you need to change your number immediately. I did this only a week ago and I feel so much stronger already. Me: FWW/BW - 38 yrs XH: FBH/WH - 41 yrs Plan B DS: 9yrs old (with H) DD: 20yrs old Divorced Dec 2014 WXH still living with POSOW Actions mean EVERYTHING. Words mean NOTHING.

Re: Blown the bank rocksolid #2801654 05/15/14 02:46 PM
Joined: Mar 2014 Posts: 340 B Bluebeck OP Member
OP Bluebeck Member B Joined: Mar 2014 Posts: 340	Back home. Had my blow out and realise I was doing better before. Fortunately lost my phone while away so that stopped the messaging. Also it was a sharp reminder of how easy it can be to message someone. FB is the only point of contact and have changed that.

Re: Blown the bank Bluebeck #2801668 05/15/14 04:14 PM
Joined: Mar 2014 Posts: 340 B Bluebeck OP Member
OP Bluebeck Member B Joined: Mar 2014 Posts: 340	A friend has just passed on a message that W wants me to ring her! Well considering nothings changed except me slipping out of B I need to stay strong and ignore.

Re: Blown the bank Bluebeck #2801671 05/15/14 04:25 PM
Joined: May 2012 Posts: 497 R rocksolid Member
rocksolid Member R Joined: May 2012 Posts: 497	Are you going to get a new phone and change your number and not give it to her? Me: FWW/BW - 38 yrs XH: FBH/WH - 41 yrs Plan B DS: 9yrs old (with H) DD: 20yrs old Divorced Dec 2014 WXH still living with POSOW Actions mean EVERYTHING. Words mean NOTHING.

Re: Blown the bank Bluebeck #2801672 05/15/14 04:34 PM
Joined: Sep 2008 Posts: 9,537 Likes: 9 S SugarCane Member
SugarCane Member S Joined: Sep 2008 Posts: 9,537 Likes: 9	Originally Posted by Bluebeck A friend has just passed on a message that W wants me to ring her! Well considering nothings changed except me slipping out of B I need to stay strong and ignore. Do you have an intermediary? I looked back a few pages but I could see no mention of one. How is your wife supposed to contact you if she finishes her affair and wants to talk about reconciliation? BW Married 1989 His PA 2003-2006 2 kids.

Re: Blown the bank SugarCane #2801690 05/15/14 05:30 PM
Joined: Mar 2014 Posts: 340 B Bluebeck OP Member
OP Bluebeck Member B Joined: Mar 2014 Posts: 340	Have already changed number, she does not have this. Have IM who has new number and email. Messaged her via FB from Spain so she is only reacting as she still thinks I am out of the country. Nothings changed except for me breaking my own rules. I need to get back to doing what I was doing or Im just giving myself more pain.

Re: Blown the bank Bluebeck #2801788 05/15/14 10:44 PM
Joined: Nov 2010 Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4 Moved to Uranus B BrainHurts Member
BrainHurts Member B Joined: Nov 2010 Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4 Moved to Uranus	Originally Posted by Bluebeck Have already changed number, she does not have this. Have IM who has new number and email. Messaged her via FB from Spain so she is only reacting as she still thinks I am out of the country. Nothings changed except for me breaking my own rules. I need to get back to doing what I was doing or Im just giving myself more pain. Have you closed Facebook and ALL other avenues that she can contact you? FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.

Re: Blown the bank BrainHurts #2801870 05/16/14 09:49 AM
Joined: Mar 2014 Posts: 340 B Bluebeck OP Member
OP Bluebeck Member B Joined: Mar 2014 Posts: 340	All closed. Only way to get hold of me is by coming and knocking the door or IM. There will be people who can pass on info second hand but I will have to manage that. It's only because I went abroad she tried to make contact, thinking I was up to something foolish. The only foolish thing I did was to have a few beers and message her! Must stick to my guns and remember the many reasons for this plan. Mainly I can't change or control her or her actions only myself and mine. It's hard work but one day at a time...

Re: Blown the bank Bluebeck #2801871 05/16/14 09:53 AM
Joined: Nov 2011 Posts: 11,239 Another universe J Jedi_Knight Member
Jedi_Knight Member J Joined: Nov 2011 Posts: 11,239 Another universe	I think you should focus on running. If you want inspiration, google "Rich Roll Ironman" He was a regular overweight guy and bacame a world athlete at 40!

Re: Blown the bank Bluebeck #2801872 05/16/14 09:59 AM
Joined: Sep 2008 Posts: 9,537 Likes: 9 S SugarCane Member
SugarCane Member S Joined: Sep 2008 Posts: 9,537 Likes: 9	It seems to me that the problem is not so much stopping her from contacting you, as stopping YOU from contacting HER. What is the point of sending a Plan B letter and setting up an IM if you are only going to send her messages like this one, sent 12th May: Originally Posted by Bluebeck I keep breaking the rules! Cos it feels right?!? I'm on holiday now but just had a message from W. 'why did you send me that'? What I sent was 'glad you found your yellow dress you look fabulously beautiful'. A year or so ago we were shopping for outfits for a big event. She got her heart set on a yellow dress but we couldn't find anything right. Couple of days ago I got shown pictures of W in a new yellow dress for a friends party. Couldn't help myself had to tell her she looked good. She had now changed this to her profile pic. My final response was to tell her she has and always will be my friend and I'm trying to limit contact as I don't agree with her choices. "Trying to limit contact"? Wow, you're really putting your foot down, aren't you? And another one sent about a day later: Originally Posted by Bluebeck To clarify last message was to ask her to give favourite niece a kiss and cuddle from me (niece birthday next week and it hurts to miss it) also to ask about family. Two messages in the last five days - that you've told us about. How is this Plan B, and what grounds do you have for telling her not to contact you when you behave like this? BW Married 1989 His PA 2003-2006 2 kids.

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