All taken on board. It's down to me. I'm causing my own destruction. I admit my contacts here in the hope I learn my lesson and resist!

My idea for time away was to give myself a break. It was more like trying to escape reality. In having a few beers I also sent myself backwards.
Need to shake of the depression I'm putting myself in get back to the running and routine. I've had it easy compared to some

More than running. You are at the perfect opportunity to radically transform yourself.
Read about how Rich Roll quit drinking, smoking, etc and became an Ironman.
Then since you are already running 8 miles or so find a local half marathon race to run in.

First job of the day. Accept the situation you are in.
I can wallow in self pity all I want but it will not change the reality of my situation. Its still hard its still feels bad but a day of doing nothing will not help.
Must unpack. Not just from trip. Been living out of the suitcase since I left. Might as well make my surroundings tidy and comfortable.
Remove reminders. Losing my phone also lost a lot of needless photos held on it. Also computer I am using has a lot of old files and desktop icons that serve as constant reminders every time I switch it on.
Go for a run, even a short one is a start back in.

Been taking my wedding ring off and on. Some days I dont want the reminder. Other days I say I'm not giving up. I think I need it to remind me of why I am doing what I am doing and to turn that to a positive.

Take it one day at a time.
I also encourage you to visit a church tomorrow morning.

Wicked irony strikes again! I posted on another thread about keeping in the dark about WS. Yet I get fed info (from a source I need to tell to be quiet). WW has got pics of her out with OM up on FB. Yes its a kick but I cant let it put me down. In fact I am going for a run after I have posted this. It does however clear some of my own fog of denial. She is drunk on the A and has probably done a better job of exposure than I did. Hard not to over think it but March 18 I make initial exposure. April 22 she announces we are separated. May 19 shes got pics on FB! its almost laughable.

The Serenity prayer is a good one

She is a renter.
She was never a buyer.

Renter, yes. Even a couple of days ago reading that would of stung a little as in my head I would try and defend her. I'm not saying my feelings have changed for her, you can't always change what the heart wants. But I am coming to see her without the rose tinted spectacles. Reading threads on serial cheats and typical versus non typical waywards plus others I forget helps put things in black and white. However it's not so clear when you are dancing the fine line between heart and mind. But practice the steps..

Keep reading here it helps a lot.

Do you have Dr Harley's books?

Wow blown away by coldness! She's managed to get through my firewalls with a message. 'Still got some of your stuff here (at home) let me know what you want doing with it or I'm taking it to tip'!

How does she keep getting through to you? What do you need to do to stop this contact?

Second message came through. Tv/internet bill in my name but being paid through her account. She needs to cancel this as she has just lost her job. I cracked and went to see her! Another friend was there also so I was not alone with her too long.
I dont know what I was thinking going but the heart ruled the head.
What came out of conversation was this. I asked her to message me what she wanted(unblocked on FB).
She will ring company about bill and let me know if I need to cancel. Also when I left I placed marital rights on the home and she still wants a divorce. Im not sure what I want. Now during the time of me leaving she was trying to refinance the house. Mortgage and deeds in her name. By establishing my rights this was not allowed to proceed. The refinance was to pay off a loan to her Mother we used to purchase the house. Now she is stuck with the bills the old mortgage and no job. She is confident she can get by. Her mother may help in the short term until she gets a job. In terms of the house she wants to know if I am prepared to lift my claim, do I want money from house or not!
Basically she wants a quick and easy divorce. If I lift my claim (and I said to her again as has always been the case, its not about the money) she can then refinance. This does leave it open for her to refinance with OM or anyone she chooses.
Financially I have the upper hand! Selling the house in divorce would not get much out of it.
My questions?
Where would she get money to buy me off? Possibly another loan from Mother or could be tied up legally in divorce and next refinance if she gets a job!
My emotions were quite calm as I prepared myself for visit. I did not feel any malice towards her, neither did I feel undulating love. So what next? She knows my financial situation is not great but did sound me out about savings (spent) credit (growing). But Im still in a position to cover mortgage each month (dont worry Im not going to)!
This is the part where I leave her to deal with it and let OM help her out. But how do I let her know that without busting her?
Now I see why I should of stayed NC

Basically she is still in A. Wants divorce. Lost job. Can't do anything with house with my claim on it. I need to drag my heels over any decision. I should still be in B. I'm not thinking clearly.
Must remember she's still in fog of A. She's the only one to use the D word.
She never mentioned or did I OM. Even though I know she has introduced him to family and moved herself on.

I'm also feel she was sounding out my financials in prep for divorce. Which should be no concern as full financial disclosure can be requested.
I'm just very confused. Is she seeing how much she's likely to lose with regards to house. Am I considering agreeing so soon?
I still wonder that I didn't plan A enough. Would I wonder if I gave up too soon now?
I left most of my old stuff there and only took a prayer book that has been in the family since 1858. Now I've not been one for praying much but feel I should make one on making the right choices now.
If there's anything I've learnt so far, it is to do things slowly and not react

Another post to clear my mind and remember my thoughts.
First thing I did before going to see her was to shower, clean my teeth and make myself look good. That was my first thought, look good for her!
Do I want to give up or do I want to try and recover this?
Easy option agree quick divorce, recover later and wonder if I could of tried harder.
Hard option, drag this out. Could cause resentment. Could put pressure on A. Could deepen A.

Option for now try and switch off watch a film, nothing will happen in the meantime

One thing did happen. I realised I am weak. She suckered me in

She keeps getting through because I keep letting her. Only through FB and this I can rectify with one click. With regards to lost job and financials she said she can manage. So I should let her. Bill in my name I can sort. I forgot plan B is more about protecting me mentally. She said I hope we can be friends again one day!
Can I successfully restart plan B?

Gaslighting? Using jobloss/financial uncertainty to get me to lift my right.
Mortgage in her name only I am not responsible for any defaults!

Your in plan Bluebeck, continued UNECESSARY contact isn't Plan B do you have an IM? That's what he is for!