I would love to do the online program but H just isn't convinced. I'm hoping once we start he'll change his mind. But already I am seeing a big difference between what you are telling me and what I see in the workbook so idk how well it will work out.

sorry to t/j, looks like they don't have the MB weekend anymore?

It seems much more convenient as the Online program, because the couple doesn't have fly out to the site, book hotels, find babysitting. You do it all from your own home.

But getting away for the weekend to a hotel was part of the fun with the MB Weekend. It's the only way Markos got me to agree to start marriage builders -- he promised a hotel stay away from the kids, and a day of shopping after the seminar!

I would suggest that a couple still get a babysitter and go away for the weekend, even if it's to a nearby hotel ...

No, it's the Online Seminar now. And actually the Online version is basically the weekend seminar lectures that were recorded. You are supposed to listen to all the lectures over a weekend, just like when people showed up for the MB Weekend. After the lectures, you start in on the lessons and have accountability through a coach for a year.

It seems much more convenient as the Online program, because the couple doesn't have fly out to the site, book hotels, find babysitting. You do it all from your own home.

But getting away for the weekend to a hotel was part of the fun with the MB Weekend. It's the only way Markos got me to agree to start marriage builders -- he promised a hotel stay away from the kids, and a day of shopping after the seminar!

I would suggest that a couple still get a babysitter and go away for the weekend, even if it's to a nearby hotel ...

Thanks all for your input . He did finally mention it to me yesterday but framed it as if he had no intention of going..not sure if he was just feeling me out or what.

He first mentioned that my brother went on 2 trips without his wife and wondered why I didn't see anything wrong with that. I said because my brother also takes trips ALONE WITH his wife. Were on our way to some friends' house so didn't have much time to discuss...basically I made it clear that its not his going on a trip that bothers me, but the fact that he won't take a trip with me. He actually seemed to understand that...we'll see if he mentions it again.

If you want to become his recreational companion, you will need to approach the problem with clear purpose, but also with sensitivity to your husband's feelings. You can still reach your husband, because, as you said in your letter, he still loves you. It's important to understand how hard it will be for him to integrate you into his escape after all these years. Having you along fishing will take some doing on his part, because you are now associated with all the responsibility he is trying to escape. And what if it turns out that you don't like fishing as much as you thought you would? You may need to find new recreational activities that you can enjoy together.

To help you both make this difficult but necessary transition into becoming each other's best recreational companions, I suggest you negotiate with your husband. Here are four steps that will make it easier for you to resolve your conflict.

1. Set ground rules to make negotiations pleasant and safe.

Before you start to talk to your husband about recreational activities, make sure that you follow these rules: (a) be pleasant and cheerful throughout your discussion of the issue, (b) put safety first--do not threaten to cause pain or suffering when you negotiate, even if your husband makes threatening remarks or if the negotiations fail, and (c) if you reach an impasse, stop for a while and come back to the issue later.

Under no conditions should you be disrespectful or judgmental of your husband's opinions or desires. Your negotiations should accept and respect your differences. Otherwise, you will fail to make them pleasant and safe.

2. Identify the problem from the perspectives of both you and your spouse.

Be able to state each other's position regarding your conflict about recreational activities before you go on to find a solution. Be sure you don't argue with each other, just get to know how you both feel regarding the issue.

3. Brainstorm solutions with abandon.

Spend some time thinking of all sorts of ways to handle the problem, and don't correct each other when you hear of a plan that you don't like -- you'll have a chance to do that during the fourth step. Write down every suggestion. If you give your intelligence a chance to flex its muscle, you will have a long list of possible solutions.

4. Choose the solution that is appealing to both of you.

From your list of solutions, some will satisfy only one of you but not both. However, scattered within the list will be solutions that both of you would find attractive. Among those solutions that are mutually satisfactory, select the one that you both like the most.

When you use the Policy of Joint Agreement to resolve any of your conflicts, neither of you will feel controlled by the other, because you are not being forced to do anything. The only restrictions you will feel are those that prevent you from gaining at each other's expense. That's not control, that's thoughtfulness.