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Originally Posted by rocksolid
So..thinking out loud about the divorce.

A couple of options.

1. My lawyer currently has the divorce papers. Do nothing as she suggests. WH turns up to court with no proof I've been served. Divorce may get adjourned for another 6 - 8 weeks. This pi$$es OW off that divorce didn't go through straightaway which causes her to lovebust him some more.

2. Get the divorce papers back off my lawyer. Sign the part where it says I acknowledge them and agree to divorce. Send back to WH. WH does not expect this at all as he will be fully expecting me to not want the divorce. So he either gets scared and thinks oh sh*t, I wasn't expecting that. Makes him stand up and take notice. OW thinks 'Yes rocksolid doesn't want him anymore, he's all mine now'. Or it just causes him to think 'Oh she doesn't want me after all, I might as well marry OW.

3. Combination of 1 and 2. Drag it out for another 8 weeks to pi$$ off OW. Then sign it on his second try around.

I don't know. Maybe I'm over thinking things.

What would be the most strategic option?


In Plan B at all times you consider yourself - not the A. The A's self destruct button is built right in - there's nothing you need to do to it. You can see for yourself that whatever option you take - go along with the divorce or stall it, the APs will lovebust each other. They will lovebust each other no matter what you do, so in Plan B you are free at all times to just pick whatever option is best for you.

Now, going by Dr H's advice there is roughly a year's timescale on the A from the date of divorce. A date when you will likely need to make a decision. So is it better for you to reach that point sooner or later? I'd say sooner.

Then factor in the finances. Does more or less time help you in the fight for finances?

Just pick the right decision for you and let them worry about their affair.




What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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I'm inclined to say, for the sake of your Plan B healing that the court day that's been set is going to be unpleasant for you anyway, so you might as well have it all over with on that day. Just allow the D through to prevent another bad day. Then concentrate on your financial settlement and on healing. By the time a year has passed I want to see you feeling very good and your bar very high; so you should get started!

That's my tuppence worth unless a delay gives you a legal advantage.



What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Originally Posted by rocksolid
Thanks Jedi. I like the idea of doing a good deed for someone every day. I'm looking into getting into aged care in the near future, having a complete different career change. I think a change of focus would be good for me and I've always wanted to help elderley people.

Have you read any new good books to your girls lately?

Yes, we started reading Dorothy and the Wizard In Oz. (I'm also recording the readings on a cassette tape and mailing it to my nephews so they can listen too)

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Originally Posted by rocksolid
Originally Posted by indiegirl
I wouldn't drag it out. Can't see any benefit in that after hearing Dr H's advice. To Tammy as well, he said if you're getting divorced speed it up rather than slow it down.

It's a fascinating Art of War move. Hand the enemy a victory which is actually their undoing.



Hmm maybe I should hand the OW her victory. But should I just pi$$ her off some more before I do? Surely her doing some more lovebusting to WH would be good.

IN Plan B you should focus on yourself.

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Oh, if you want to upset OW a much better way is to post her on www.cheaterville.com

Most of the cheaters hate being posted on that website.

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Originally Posted by rocksolid
What would be the most strategic option?

I would sign the papers and let the D proceed. Stalling for a month or two is unnecessarily dragging out the limbo.


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Originally Posted by black_raven
Originally Posted by rocksolid
What would be the most strategic option?

I would sign the papers and let the D proceed. Stalling for a month or two is unnecessarily dragging out the limbo.

Plus any delay will cost you additional money.

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rocksolid,
you had to stop craying and saying your STBXH love you..
I was here 2 years ago when your husband said that he love you so much and want you back even if you are cheating on him..
yes he did really love and probably steel but he will never forget what you did to him ,maybe forgive but never forget..
I remembre that he said that you refuse to make love to him to stay faithful to your lover who live with his parents right ?
-I mean come on just think twice before you question why yoour STBXH doesn't want you back

Last edited by nakxd; 08/03/14 12:47 PM.

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Nak, you have been asked a couple of times now: what's your story?


Markos' Wife
FWW - EA
8 kids ...
What to do with an Angry Husband

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Originally Posted by Prisca
Nak, you have been asked a couple of times now: what's your story?

Well, I think its safe to assume that this poster is the husband.

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Jedi, this poster is definately NOT my husband. My husband is very well spoken and does not write in the manner this person writes.

Without a doubt, this is NOT him.


Me: FWW/BW - 38 yrs
XH: FBH/WH - 41 yrs
Plan B
DS: 9yrs old (with H)
DD: 20yrs old
Divorced Dec 2014
WXH still living with POSOW

Actions mean EVERYTHING.
Words mean NOTHING.
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why do you think I'm the husband ?
i just remind her of the facts and quotes of her husband
and no i'm not the husband i'm a woman


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If you posted here 2 years ago, why don't you tell us all your user name back then? As your current username is only newly registered.

Please stop posting your unwanted non MB advice on my thread thank you.



Me: FWW/BW - 38 yrs
XH: FBH/WH - 41 yrs
Plan B
DS: 9yrs old (with H)
DD: 20yrs old
Divorced Dec 2014
WXH still living with POSOW

Actions mean EVERYTHING.
Words mean NOTHING.
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Originally Posted by nakxd
why do you think I'm the husband ?
i just remind her of the facts and quotes of her husband
and no i'm not the husband i'm a woman

Well who are you?
What was your previous posting name from 2 years ago, and why are you posting now?

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I'm just telling you the truth rock , and it's your husband words not mine


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I'm very well aware of what my husband wrote thank you. Stay off my thread.



Me: FWW/BW - 38 yrs
XH: FBH/WH - 41 yrs
Plan B
DS: 9yrs old (with H)
DD: 20yrs old
Divorced Dec 2014
WXH still living with POSOW

Actions mean EVERYTHING.
Words mean NOTHING.
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Originally Posted by nakxd
I'm just telling you the truth rock , and it's your husband words not mine

All you are doing is disrupting her thread.
She came her, well aware of her mistakes of the past and has committed to following Dr. Harley's advice.

What her husband said two years ago is irrelevant at this point because it is obvious that he did NOT wait for her affair to die a natural death, but instead started one of his own.

He is the one living in a current state of adultery, not her.

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Thanks Jedi I appreciate the support.

I must say I've never read The Wizard of Oz. I have watched the movie. I bet the book would be obviously better?



Me: FWW/BW - 38 yrs
XH: FBH/WH - 41 yrs
Plan B
DS: 9yrs old (with H)
DD: 20yrs old
Divorced Dec 2014
WXH still living with POSOW

Actions mean EVERYTHING.
Words mean NOTHING.
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 497
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Originally Posted by indiegirl
Originally Posted by rocksolid
So..thinking out loud about the divorce.

A couple of options.

1. My lawyer currently has the divorce papers. Do nothing as she suggests. WH turns up to court with no proof I've been served. Divorce may get adjourned for another 6 - 8 weeks. This pi$$es OW off that divorce didn't go through straightaway which causes her to lovebust him some more.

2. Get the divorce papers back off my lawyer. Sign the part where it says I acknowledge them and agree to divorce. Send back to WH. WH does not expect this at all as he will be fully expecting me to not want the divorce. So he either gets scared and thinks oh sh*t, I wasn't expecting that. Makes him stand up and take notice. OW thinks 'Yes rocksolid doesn't want him anymore, he's all mine now'. Or it just causes him to think 'Oh she doesn't want me after all, I might as well marry OW.

3. Combination of 1 and 2. Drag it out for another 8 weeks to pi$$ off OW. Then sign it on his second try around.

I don't know. Maybe I'm over thinking things.

What would be the most strategic option?


In Plan B at all times you consider yourself - not the A. The A's self destruct button is built right in - there's nothing you need to do to it. You can see for yourself that whatever option you take - go along with the divorce or stall it, the APs will lovebust each other. They will lovebust each other no matter what you do, so in Plan B you are free at all times to just pick whatever option is best for you.

Now, going by Dr H's advice there is roughly a year's timescale on the A from the date of divorce. A date when you will likely need to make a decision. So is it better for you to reach that point sooner or later? I'd say sooner.

Then factor in the finances. Does more or less time help you in the fight for finances?

Just pick the right decision for you and let them worry about their affair.


Hi Indie, Yes I think sooner should be the option. I guess I should get the hurting over sooner than later. I'd rather hurt in a few weeks time when it happens, than 8 weeks down the track. If it goes through in a few weeks, then hopefully 8 weeks down the track I will be feeling a bit better.

But maybe not because I will have to then deal with him moving from our marital home into his new home with OW.

I just want all this hurt to go away. I'm just feeling so worn down by it all.

I want to survive this!!

I'm pretty sure that his 'relationship' with OW will not last forever. But I want to get through this a stronger person.

I'm sick of crying and being sad.

It's funny I've cried so much and I always think 'When is this hurt going to end? But then I also look back on this all and am so proud that I am still pushing on in despite of everything. It's so hard but I'm just taking it one day at a time.


Me: FWW/BW - 38 yrs
XH: FBH/WH - 41 yrs
Plan B
DS: 9yrs old (with H)
DD: 20yrs old
Divorced Dec 2014
WXH still living with POSOW

Actions mean EVERYTHING.
Words mean NOTHING.
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 497
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Originally Posted by black_raven
Originally Posted by rocksolid
What would be the most strategic option?

I would sign the papers and let the D proceed. Stalling for a month or two is unnecessarily dragging out the limbo.



I called my lawyer today as she has been holding on to the divorce papers. I left a message for her that I wanted to come and pick up the papers and sign them that I have acknowledged them. I will follow up with her tomorrow.

Just wondering how to get them to WH. I think by post would be the best option.



Me: FWW/BW - 38 yrs
XH: FBH/WH - 41 yrs
Plan B
DS: 9yrs old (with H)
DD: 20yrs old
Divorced Dec 2014
WXH still living with POSOW

Actions mean EVERYTHING.
Words mean NOTHING.
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