This is no exaggeration. My younger brother died this way. He so badly damaged his liver that he developed esophageal varices that hemmorrhaged and he bled to death at the age of 45.

Have you priced out funerals? Your average funeral runs about $10,000. That is where this is headed. Jail would be a walk in the park compared to that.

Another likely thing to happen is that she will kill one of your kids or another driver while drunk driving. I know a woman in AA who backed over and killed a little toddler while drunk. I met her 20 years later and her eyes were dead with grief.

Jail is great medicine for an alcoholic. Sometimes better than treatment centers.

Are you attending regular Alanon Meetings?

You are sucked in So Deep as her enabler and barely have scratched the surface recognizing how deeply that affects you And Your Children.

Sometimes too, no matter how entrenched in the relationship you feel you are, you just have to realize that the other spouse is a lost cause and Completely detach or they will drown you for clinging on with hope till it's too late.

She WILL cause further serious Emotional AND Financial upheaval in you and your childrens live.

I have been involved in AA for over 20 years and still attend regular meetings. My wife relapsed after 10 years of sobriety and as of today, she hasn't even made as much as one phone call to our 11 year old son in over 560 days because she is living contently with her drinking current affair POSOM.

I previously had an enmeshed relationship with another woman, who supposedly had 7 years sobriety and relapsed after several months of us going out regularly and she routinely had B.A.C. levels as High as .48

Yes, you read that correctly. .48

When someone drinks to that excess..... Run!!!

LTL

I am hopeful because of the change of what my wife is saying... until recently, she said she wanted to drink, and now says she doesn't, and is an alcoholic. The hope is tempered, because I've been hopeful for a very long time, and had that trampled over and over again.

As a nice reminder, the day my wife drove to pick me up at the train station, she hit the neighbors fence and the edge of our garage, damaging her car. Probably about $2500 worth of damage to her car - but I got to enjoy 4 hours of work yesterday repairing the neighbors fence, thinking the whole time how this was not something I did, but I had to fix it anyway - not something I want to keep doing, especially if it ends up as legal issues or somebody dying.

I have thought about all the questions you have mentioned - wife in jail, someone dying, leaving rehab early, etc. The older kids and I continue to talk and are all on the same page. Wife's friend is in a similar place of disconnect. Until what happened to me recently, my own state of disconnect was not real - I am holding on to her by a thread, but don't think I can deal with another fall off the wagon, alcohol or A. But, I have started pushing my emotions off and trying to do what is right for myself and my family.

I have not been able to attend AlAnon the last 2 weeks, as both days involved dealing with my wife. I found another meeting closer to home that meets on Monday, and my wife's friend and I will both be attending.

Since February, I know for a fact my wife has had 2 incidents of BAC at .36 and .41. Those were ER stays. She has been in the ER 2 other times when I was not in the state, and I assume they were at similar levels. By my count, she has been around this point probably 10-12 times in 2014.

Anyway, as hard as it is to take care of my kids solo, it is harder to do that while babysitting a drunk wife or tracking down a cheating wife. The idea of divorce seemed far fetched until the past week, but it's become real. My trigger point to move on that will be what happens with this rehab. Is that a bad idea?

Talk is meaningless with an alcoholic. Only actions count. Months of sobriety would give me hope. Anything less than that is nothing.

I am sorry, but nothing has changed here. You must go by what she DOES and not by what she says.

Sir, I caution you about spending this time with your wifes friend.
There is too much potential for loose boundaries and this woman has already demonstrated that she has very loose boundaries by texting with the OM regularly instead of guarding her marriage.
Dont spend any time alone with her and give the list of alanon meetings to HER HUSBAND

Sir, that is complete BS.
STOP making excuses for your choices to enable and protect your wifes drinking!

You all are right. The huge financial burden that has hit me this year has sometimes caused the wrong focus. And it is hard to let her live with such a harsh result, but understand it might have been the right wake up call.

And I realize that talk is meaningless unless backed up by actions... all I am saying is that Feb-July, my wife didn't think anything was wrong with her drinking... And in the past month or so, she has been saying she is tired of being drunk, and hurting everyone and herself. The tone has changed. Yes, it still needs to be backed by an extended period of sobriety. I am less hopeful now than I was months ago, but think what she is saying may be her ticket out.

And yes, I am VERY careful around her friend. I have been even years ago when I thought I had a good relationship with my wife. I have no intention of following in my wife's footsteps - and make sure friends husband is very aware of what is going on. I have never been alone with friend - always an older kid or adult around. That's a rule I have held to with all women.

Alcoholics are really good at saying stuff like this and never following through. You were "hopeful" based on her "talk" the last time too, remember? And she just got out and got drunk. So please don't get distracted by her talk. It means nothing.

Yes, you're right MelodyLane. I'm at a point that I want to be hopeful, but have too many things that have happened to be blind about what the likely outcome is. When my view changes from hopeful to not, that is the beginning of the end...

I think that hope is good, but it needs to be realistic. False hope just leads to disappointment. False hope causes people to make bad decisions because they don't face the facts. Good decisions are based on facts and a realistic approach to the situation.

Do your kids attend AlAnon with you? I also caution you on going to a meeting alone with your wife's friend.

I am not really going "alone" with the friend - we are both arriving at a group meeting separately. The other AlAnon location is a little farther away, and this one is just a couple minutes from my house. I do want to bring my 13 year old daughter, but have only been to 1 meeting so far. Next one is this Monday.

Good, I think it's smart to have your children attend so they can understand the effects of alcoholism.

Sir,
I would bring your 13 year old daughter.
They also have "AlaTeen" meetings she can attend; one of my local high schools has them during the lunch hour at school.

Also, you should NOT be meeting with this woman at AlAnon (unless her husband comes with her)
There are red flags all over this woman and your closeness to her.

I don't think I have false hope. It's hope that this will work, but a keen focus on what I will need to do if/when this fails like the other rehabs did. I have seen a side of my wife that I don't want to continue, and I can't live with.

All this, and I still get to deal with the A and try to move past that too.

Sir, your problem is that you keep trying to think that you can control her drinking and the consequences from her drinking and the fact is you have NO control.
Until you learn that, it will continue to be a vicious cycle

I cannot find any AlaTeens within 30 minutes of our house. I do want to brink her to AlAnon and will.

I appreciate the concern for wife's friend and my "closeness" with her. What red flags are you seeing? I truly can't stomach the idea of having any emotional or other inappropriate connection with friend... not my cup of tea.

I don't think I'm trying to control her drinking - just because I'm hopeful she will help herself with this rehab? I know I have no control, which is why I'm at a point that I will disconnect from her, and likely have to separate/divorce, as I can't live with her continuing what she has been doing.