Sir, these meetings are breeding grounds for affairs.
There are numerous red flags and the fact you dont recognize any shows your lack of boundaries

Sir, you've been protecting her from the consequences of her drinking for a long time.
That's called damage control.
Your latest excuse was to be noble and protect the family finances.

Ok, so if I'm not spending alone time with her, and being up-front with her husband when I am the same place as her (only the AlAnon meeting), I'm not understanding how I am not being careful with boundaries? I am very careful with friend and very vigilant to not get in a sticky situation.

I also understand these meetings contain many vulnerable people, creating opportunity for affairs. I was uncomfortable with my first AlAnon meeting because I was the only man. The only woman that talked to me that day that I let my guard down a little was a 75 year old. I actually want to bring my daughter both for her sake, and as a protection for myself.

Yes, I had been. And yes, I may have been the reason the cop didn't haul her in. I can't deny anything you're saying, only to state that's not what I want to do anymore.

I am feeling such a loss of hope right now. I love my wife... I don't want to divorce her, but am afraid that will be my only choice soon. I am having trouble being there for my kids... I appreciate the honesty I am hearing, but this is really hard.

I am sorry you are feeling down, my friend. But please know that your future is brighter today than it was 3 months ago. Your life has been hell. You have a chance to get out of this nightmare, whether it is with your wife or without her. I think it is a great thing that she is gone for a month because this gives you the chance to detach emotionally so you can make good decisions about you and your children.

Sir,
This is how affairs start.
Two people complain to each other about their spouses. You even bring (or meet) a woman at the meeting to help fix your spouse.

The woman you are meeting was texting the OM.
Most married women who guard their marriages would not be texting this type of guy, or any single guy.

There are red flags all over this relationship.

Cut it off and end it.

Focus on going to Alanon with your daughter

Well then STOP doing it!

Tonight, OM sent a group text to me, wife's friend, and wife. He stated his love for wife, and how he would do anything to end her suffering, and how he did not want to communicate with anyone but wife directly - messages from me or wife's friend were "tearing him apart - and we deserve better".

Not sure why he texted out of the blue - friend and I have not been in any contact with him at all, and I know wife hasn't.

Message did not get to wife - like I said before, the number is blocked. Friend got it and was very angry, and her husband wanted to go with me to find the guy and "rough him up".

I did respond and told him I'm sorry he decided to have an affair with a married woman and then expect that to work out. I told him wife is ashamed and knows her relationship with him was wrong. I told him to never contact her again.

Why won't this guy quit?

Because he is a selfish, entitled, loser [censored]. Can you block this dirtbag?

I should block him too? It doesn't hurt me getting texts like that. It reeks of desperation, and actually helps me to see him suffering. I know that makes me bad.

You were very polite and perhaps a little too polite.
Remind me...was this man exposed? Did you expose him on www.cheaterville.com for all of his friends and family to see?

My suggestion to you is to watch The Godfather movie and then consider just how polite you need to be to this worthless POS

Winning a war does not make you "bad."
It would be evil for you to wish him to conquer.

I said a few more things, I just paraphrased. I was very truthful, and a lot of the facts were very cutting. Yes, I thought about the Cheaterville thing, but can't find a picture of him anywhere. My wife didn't have one that I could find on her phone, and googling and facebooking didn't turn up anything. If I could find one, i would post the story. I know 3 people by his name in our town of 40,000.

Thanks Jedi. I am happy to be winning, and want him to suffer more than I have. But, I am not a vindictive person. I know when my wife has a clear head, I will be able to woo her with my love - my Plan A. And it feels good to do those things for her. I know I can overwhelm his lacking personality/morals.

Ok, so it's beginning with my wife again. I found a women's only Christian facility 5 hours from home, in the middle of the Texas Hill Country. Unfortunately, they only do the program, no medical detox. My understanding while talking with the intake counselor was they would do medical detox at a hospital-type facility. What ended up happening is they sent her to a different rehab that does medical detox - so, she is having to partake in the 12-step program, etc, while she is on doctor-supervised medication. The women's facility won't take her in until 24 hours after her last medication. That last medication was last night, and they told my wife she would be transported first thing in the morning tomorrow.

Well, wife hates the non-christian program so much, she has been calling and complaining, crying, hanging up on me, etc. I have been supportive and understanding over the phone, but have not encouraged or said anything to make her think I would be ok with her checking out.

My last phone call with her a couple hours ago was how if the women's facility was anything like where she is now, she will check out and figure out what to do next, since she knows she is not welcome home. She then hung up on me before I could save a word.

It feels like manipulation and guilt trips, and I have no intention of taking her home til she fulfills her commitment to 28 full days in the program. I will not be a party to her killing herself or someone else, or worse, hurting my kids. That's what I'm prepared to do. If she checks out, she has her cell, some small amount of cash, and a few credit cards... I'm prepared to shut them all down.

But, talking with Dr Harley, it sounded like he felt I should keep being patient and loving, and just keep insisting on rehab for her own good until she finished. It didn't sound like he thought we were ready for separation or Plan B. So, I'm confused as to what I should do if she does check out early. I don't want to enable her or return to the crappy pattern of daily drinking, but I don't want to hear about her dead or assaulted on the side of some highway either. I'm thinking sending her to a lock-up rehab would have been the safest route.

I re-listened to the radio program, and I'm still a little confused. Dr Harley suggested seeing how things work out if she checks out early, but demand no more drinking and no more OM contact, or choice will be return to rehab or you lose me (Plan B). Sound right?

Were you on today's show?

Never mind you're talking about your show a couple of weeks ago, correct?

Radio Clip of KSummit's Show
Segment #2
Segment #3
Segment #4

Yes, correct. Sorry I didn't qualify that it was my call-in. I am anticipating that my wife may take a drastic action, and want to make sure I do the right thing for me and my family, and do the right thing for her. What I re-listened to about the call I made to Dr Harley is a little confusing as to what I should do next.