Sir,

Place the OM on Cheaterville.
You need to attack this affair

Have you documented everything?

DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT

Contacted Attorney....says stay HOME!!! Now what. VAR on me at all times....documentation already started.
Should I "try" and sit down with her to split things up in front of my attorney?

I would post the OM on Cheaterville and watch as the affair goes into crisis mode

Done, last night....how does that cause crisis???

Did you include pics and details in the post? It causes a crisis because the to affairees go into damge mode and start blaming each other for the evil looks they receive once the affair is made public.

Waywards love to say their marriages ended because the betrayed spouse was controlling, argumentive and evil. But when you expose it shows everyone that the marriage ended because the wayward had an affair.

They lose suppport and once that happens problems that were cause by others are now caused by each other. Dr. Harley has said on numerous occasions that affairs and affairages end because of the lack of POJA. To selfish people will eventually fight. Glad to see you have a VAR and make sure you document! Did you expose to your kids yet?

Yes....name, affair....daughter has retracted from me and is "cheery" in front of WW....DS is 12 and very confused and struggling.

Well, keep your recorder on because they (cheaters) usually go ballistic after exposure and she has already made false allegations against you

How will THEY see it? BTW, I included pics....it's featured on the cheater of the day....go vote read the stories and you'll know!!

Your children are confused because you didn't do a FULL exposure. I suggest you do that now if you haven't already, use kid friendly terms to explain the situation.

I did just as ML said...."mommy is having an affair with xx and it is putting our marriage and family in jepordy. I just hope that I don't end up on "Deadly Affairs"......

MWIL,

You wrote, Done, last night....how does that cause crisis???

Because he is up to 1600+ views, any one of those views could be his coworker, boss, parents, siblings or neighbors, think of each of those views as a landmine for OM to step on.

There is no way for them to get together as a couple now and claim it is some sort of perfect soul mate union, it's an affair and everyone knows it.

God Bless
Gamma

WW and I just had best talk yet...She disclosed a bit about the relationship. ..she says he has a coke habit and two girlfriends he's struggling with...WW is saying that she probably got to involved with his buisness...Surely the is more...but it is the most detail I've gotten...At least I' back home...and the kids love it. I know Plan A'ING the WW is not bringin her back...but it gives me the chance to calm the kids down a bit. I was shocked at her reaction to me returning....I know that it is a game for her...but knowing so keeps my emotions from being suckered in. The whole psychological aspect of this is fascinating. I look at my WW as some science experiment to observe...

What did your kids say?

DD retracted, didn't want to talk about it.
DS asked, "But Mommy says her friend lives 3000 miles away" I told him that talking, texting and loving someone else hurts Daddy, and steals Mommy's love for me.
He cried, but is now seeing a school councilor daily....I went to the school concilor and told her about the affair. She was more interested in "me showing my son and daughter strength in their Dad.....Makes perfect sense.

Well, what else does the atty say? He expects you to live with your serial cheating WW indefinitely or what?

If your Plan is D and your WW refuses to leave then I would think if you file for D, you should be covered custody wise even if you move out.

I don't have any idea of what your plan is except I see mention of Plan A and it calming your kids down which makes absolutely no sense to me.

It seems like you keep trying to paint the situation so that it is best for you to keep Plan A'ing your WW.

Suzie,
You are right. I keep wondering if plan A may make a difference...since I have no idea how deep the emotional connection is with OM....I'm getting strong information that there has been 0 physical contact between them.

For nearly 1 year, I have provided my WW with almost no Love Bank deposits while I was so self absorbed with finding out what was wrong with me....I DO think that contributed greatly to weakening the strength of our marriage, as it surely was a very unattractive quality that I was exhibiting during 95% of the time I was around her, and even at work.

Now that I am getting "better", a better Plan A would seem prudent for what's at stake...she is certainly trapped, but last night I showed strength....no neediness, and only talked R when she initiated at....being understanding of what she had been going through. Still assessing what this is all about.

Honestly I may have to abandon this thread bc this is really hard to watch.

Your WW is gaslighting you in front of your children, being proactive in turning them against you and in an affair with a coke addict?

You should be abandoning Plan Hope to win back a cold and callous SERIAL CHEATER and instead be focusing on filing for sole/primary custody of your children.

Waywards are terrible parents and she is already brainwashing them and you admitted yourself that your son is struggling and very confused.

Seriously??

At what point do you put your children's needs above your desire to keep your WW?

Because my WW has more ammo to get full custody (esp. in NY) than I do.....In NY, she will be treated like a queen....adultry means nothing in NY. She is super involved in the kids activities. It's not plan hope....it's plan "I'm f'd no matter what....not regarding WW....but kids.....I'd rather have full access to them right now....she can't gaslight them, when I'm around and not acting like I'm saving the marriage. Last night, my DS said "I'm so glad you are home." And the WW, MAY be cracking a bit.....a SUPER lot riding on MY decisions....

My attorney said best case is I get a couple days with kids....so WW would gaslight them unabated for 5 days.