Thumbs ups!

The more people I expose to, the more I am convinced that most people are morally corrupt and had no backbone.

Unfortunately there are people that are okay with affairs. Good job for exposing and try and let the morally corrupt people bother you.

I meant to Try and NOT Let it bother you.

How do you block a number on the iPhone 4? I keep trying and failing.

First, add the number you wish to block into your contacts. Go to Contacts, tap the + button, and add the number. Then, go to System Preferences:Phone:Blocked:Add New..., and select the number you want to block from the contact list.

I have an old OS. It doesn't have the blocking feature. I'll update and block. He hasn't tried to text. But he will because I blocked him on Facebook.

How do you guys deal with legit kid emergencies? My IM is great, but she delays messages sometimes, etc. I want to totally block him but have resisted the phone because of that.

OK. In that circumstance you did all you could. However have your IM message him saying you are not in contact with him so he cannot expect you to be at home on visitation days and that she is just reminding him where to take her. Then start making sure you are out so if he tries again he has just made a longer trip for himself.

Exactly what has happened Indie girl!

I also limited his visitation to 2x per week. He's going to hate that. He loves her so much...not enough to not cheat on her mother, but a lot. Too bad he is not acting like the type of man he would want her to marry...but thems the breaks.

I am out getting my nails done, or a facial or having coffee at the bookstore when he drops her off from now on.

He seems to be really ok with this arrange my now. He hasn't tried to contact me or anything. It makes me kind of feel bad.

Perfect Plan Bing!



When your Plan B is obviously strong they will no longer try to break it every five minutes. That's why it gets easier to maintain - but remain aware. They usually ramp up their efforts and try to break it in a bigger way after taking a long break.

You already knew he wasn't committing to recovery, so why 'feel bad' that he isn't adding insult to injury by using you for cake eating?

Until he signs up in full he is persona non grata.

You are right. I just feel bad after reading, "survivng an affair", I feel that I got angry too quickly and I used my anger as punishment. Like I was expecting groveling along with everything else. I've just been so traumatized and agreed to almost everything so quickly that I seriously didn't trust it.

However, I have not made it easy for him to tell me the truth, ect. There isn't a reward in it for him. I get super upset. I feel to certain extent that we came close and then I messed it up...which is of course always how I feel.

I'm sure you moved to Plan B when you should have. Dr. Harley states that BW should only be in Plan A 1-3 weeks and 3 weeks are the max for BW due to health concerns.

I'm sure you're in the correct plan.

If you go over to MB101 forum and read what I just posted to luna alpha; much of the same advice applies to you.

Plan A for women is far, far, far briefer than it is for men which can lead to misunderstandings when the generalised article for both is read.

When directly addressing men, Dr H will tell them to woo their wives and make it 'rewarding' to be around them. With women he pretty much always tells them to get out of there and be much more stringent with their husbands.

Mainly this is because it takes a much more emotional toll on women; it makes them sick. This makes us appear very unattractive as well as not being a good idea health-wise.

If you were starting to get lovebuster-y, well that was only going to get worse so it is great news you got out of there.

Honestly, I think a dignified retreat leaving just a calm, well spoken letter (which offers forgiveness!) is so much more loving than a cheating husband expects when he demonises his wife to the mistress.

Remember too, that Plan A is not supposed to be all jam, anyway. It is supposed to mirror the reactions of a reasonable spouse (including the outright and unafraid opposition of an A!)

When your husband's A ends and the fog dissipitates he won't hold it against you that you got angry over unremorseful adultery!

Anybody would find that reasonable. It doesn't depend on you - it depends on his own ability to find his moral conscience again.

Hi Indie,

Yeah, I was in Plan A for way, way too long (1.5 months) and even before that (when I first kicked him out) I had way, way too much contact with him. Its been about 6 months of living hell. I got whooping cough (I kid you not) and had a seizure. So yes, it made me very sick. I was following Divorce Busters, which might work for regular martial problems, but is horrible for infidelity. I was encouraged to have contact with him and it made me and our relationship much worse.

The length has also made it difficult for me in general. Now that I am properly Plan Bing...I am starting to want to divorce him, which I guess is OK given the circumstance. I am just not sure how long I should wait/think about it. It's a big decision, even under these conditions. I just want to be as sure as possible.

As a general rule, Dr. Harley advises Plan B for 2 years and if the wayward hasnt returned and agreed to recovery then file for divorce.

The two year rule is really if you want to save the marriage. Dr. Harley has also said in the past that he doesn't discourage those that want to get divorced right away from doing so given the magnitude of the violation. This, I suppose that at any point along the way that BS wants to throw in the towel is fine given hot horrible infidelity is.

I just mean--how does one know? I'm starting to feeling pretty empty/indifferent towards him. Even if he wants to come back, I'm not sure Id even want that now. I just want to be sure that won't change before I file for divorce. I'm not sure when that will be.

Your feelings sound a lot like mine, you may benefit from reading my thread.

Essentially when I saw a lawyer about my separation (something everyone should do including you) they said I was very vulnerable to him clocking up debt unless I filed.

Dr H says to always file if legally necessary: you don't have to finalise and even if you do you can remarry. So I filed. Six months of Plan B and I really couldn't see the sense in remaining married so I pushed to finalise.

You go up and down from day to day in the early stages. I've never seen anyone completely free from the rollercoaster in under six months, so that is probably a good time frame to start with. Perhaps review at that point.

It's been almost been six months, although I allowed him to come back (without plan b) for about two months.

So basically, what I am saying, is that I have done everything wrong for the past 6 months, which has drawn down his love account to -1000. I just started plan B-ing a few weeks ago, but now I am not sure it's even worth it. If I had done this at the beginning, it might be different. But It's been so long that I am not sure I can get past it. On top of it all, he wants to fight me on taking my daughter to LA (this is via my lawyer--obviously she had to tell me that). So it really is getting to a point to which I do not care to try. I like Plan B-ing though and even if (especially if?) I divorce, I will keep it up.