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Ok, I made the calls and sent messages. He just sent me a text saying "I guess I need to line up a place to stay pretty quickly. I'll grab some personal items after work. . How do I respond?? I wasn't trying to push him out quicker! Good job!! Don't respond, just get all your exposures done TODAY. Don't leave any stragglers. Have you spoken to his parents, sibs, family and friends? Will they call him? I did not send a message to his boss, just the few friends I knew of at work.
I didn't tell him yet about 30 days before I tell your boss. When did you plan on telling him this? And this offer is only good *IF* he agrees to leave the job now and end his affair. It is a good will gesture to give him an opportunity to leave gracefully. If he won't agree to that, there is no reason to wait 30 days. And I want to keep emphasizing that the greatest danger is if he KEEPS that job, because you have no chance if he stays there. None. i expect him to refuse to leave the job but tell you he has ended the affair. That will NOT suffice.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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And remember, when you speak to him, don't ask him WHO the affair is with, tell him you know it is "__ insert OW name___."
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Ok, I made the calls and sent messages. He just sent me a text saying "I guess I need to line up a place to stay pretty quickly. I'll grab some personal items after work. . How do I respond?? I wasn't trying to push him out quicker! Good job!! Don't respond, just get all your exposures done TODAY. Don't leave any stragglers. Have you spoken to his parents, sibs, family and friends? Will they call him? I did not send a message to his boss, just the few friends I knew of at work.
I didn't tell him yet about 30 days before I tell your boss. When did you plan on telling him this? I did tell both of our families and his friends. I don't think I missed people. Not respond? At all? And when he comes home and grabs his stuff and goes, then what? How do I tell him about 30 days? Should I call him now and tell him I'm still holding out hope but he needs to end the affair AND he needs to leave his job?
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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[
Not respond? At all? And when he comes home and grabs his stuff and goes, then what? How do I tell him about 30 days? Should I call him now and tell him I'm still holding out hope but he needs to end the affair AND he needs to leave his job? I think that is a great idea. Tell him if he will agree to leave his job, [put in his notice NOW] end his affair , and work on the marriage you will give him 30 days before you expose to the workplace authorities if he is still there. I want to make sure you are not confused here. It doesn't mean he has 30 days to decide to do it. You only give him the 30 days if he is going to put in his notice NOW, end his affair and commit to the marriage.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Ok, thank you for clarifying.
You mean great idea to call him?
I want to tell him he doesn't need to rush away from the house and kids.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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Ok, thank you for clarifying.
You mean great idea to call him?
I want to tell him he doesn't need to rush away from the house and kids. I think it is a great idea to call him and tell him about the 30 days. HOWEVER, if he won't end his affair, you shouldn't try to keep him there because you will have to go into Plan B in 3 weeks anyway if he won't end his affair. Let him know that if he won't end his affair and leave that job within 30 days, that you agree it is a good idea for him for move out.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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This is so hard. I'm so scared.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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Ok, I made the calls and sent messages. He just sent me a text saying "I guess I need to line up a place to stay pretty quickly. I'll grab some personal items after work. . How do I respond?? I wasn't trying to push him out quicker! Good job!! Don't respond, just get all your exposures done TODAY. Don't leave any stragglers. Have you spoken to his parents, sibs, family and friends? Will they call him? I did not send a message to his boss, just the few friends I knew of at work.
I didn't tell him yet about 30 days before I tell your boss. When did you plan on telling him this? I did tell both of our families and his friends. I don't think I missed people. Not respond? At all? And when he comes home and grabs his stuff and goes, then what? How do I tell him about 30 days? Should I call him now and tell him I'm still holding out hope but he needs to end the affair AND he needs to leave his job? Who did you expose to on OW's side?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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HOWEVER, if he won't end his affair, you shouldn't try to keep him there because you will have to go into Plan B in 3 weeks anyway if he won't end his affair. Let him know that if he won't end his affair and leave that job within 30 days, that you agree it is a good idea for him for move out.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Brainhurts, I cannot find anyone for her! She doesn't have a facebook account, she's not married. I have a name and phone number. That's all.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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This is so hard. I'm so scared. I understand completely. It is very scary, but you have to stick to your guns and walk through the scary stuff now in order to have the best chance at recovery.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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jk, call your husband first and then start searching for the OW. We can help you find her family.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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What do you think about him putting in for a transfer? If he quits, we are completely financially done. All of us. A transfer would put him in a different building in a different part of town.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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What do you think about him putting in for a transfer? If he quits, we are completely financially done. All of us. A transfer would put him in a different building in a different part of town. That would work as long as he will NEVER cross her path again. That means no meetings, no Christmas parties, no training, no nothing. And if he doesn't quit, YOU ARE DONE.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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If he quits, we are completely financially done. . You have to stop thinking short term. You are DONE if he keeps that job because you get divorced. You are headed to divorce right now. Then you will be competing with the OW and her future children for his pay.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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You are thinking with desperation about his paycheck next week. And I understand. But it is clouding your thinking.
I am thinking of longterm how you will lose 70% of that paycheck in 6 months if you don't stop this divorce train. Keeping that job means you end up divorced and in competition with another woman for his income.
He can get another job. You will have a damn hard time finding a new husband to support you and all those kids.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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jkwpurple: I will be happy to help you find the OW's friends and family. I'm very good at investigation. I did it for a living. We can all help you, if you need the help.
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OH MY GOODNESS!!! I called. He said he will put in for the transfer and asked if I really think this will save our marriage. I told him yes, this, sone recovery, and some hard work. He's not quite enthusiastic yet, but I am seeing a glimmer of hope!
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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